Corresponding Shapes
by spiffykay
Summary: College Graduation has arrived along with a lot of unanswered questions. SS. Sequel to In Your Arms.
1. The One Thing Missing

**Disclaimer: These characters are not mine and all rights to "The OC" is completely entitled to Josh Schwartz.**

**A/N: With this new, third installment of my SS series, I'm going to take a different approach. Things are going to be explained as the story progresses, rather than in the very beginning chapters. So if you have questions or are slightly confused, remember that that was my plan.**

**If you have it all figured out, then that wasn't my plan and I failed miserably.**

**Read. Confuse yourself. Or don't.**

**But review and tell me if you liked this new approach or not.**

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Summer stood outside Brown University with the sun shining down on her slightly tan body making her skin glow. She felt the breeze whipping through her hair as she glanced around the campus, waving and smiling at friends, acquaintances, and even people she had never seen before.

She had never viewed the field from the perspective she was currently standing at. It was large from an onlooker's point of view but to Summer, as she was standing in the middle, it looked small and unfamiliar. It didn't look as spectacular as it once did. Come to think of it, Summer concluded, the entire campus held neither excitement nor beauty to her anymore. Maybe she had gotten too used to it that she now took it for granted. Maybe it just couldn't make her smile like it did for the past four years. Maybe her life had changed too much for even the beauty in nature to help her feel better in any and every situation that had arisen.

Maybe everything had just gotten too complicated.

"Summer!" Dr. Roberts shouted, knocking Summer from her thoughts. "Summer, you're glowing! Look at how happy my little girl is!"

Summer winced as her father embraced her in a hug. If only he knew how wrong his last statements were.

"Thank you, daddy," Summer said as she pulled out of Dr. Roberts' arms, looking over his shoulder at Julie and Kaitlin. "Hey."

"Hi, sweetie," Julie plastered a smile upon her face. "I'm so proud of you."

Summer knew Julie hadn't wanted to come out to Rhode Island for this cause of celebration. And it wasn't because of her hatred for any state that wasn't California, it was instead the fact that this could have been her own daughter's big day – even though by now she considered Summer her daughter as well. It also didn't help matters that in three days it would be the fourth anniversary of her aforementioned daughter's death – the same person that was Summer's best friend for twelve of her nearly twenty-two years.

Summer couldn't help the tears that stung at her eyes. "Thanks, Julie." Summer turned to Kaitlin, "Hey, Katie – excited for USC in the fall?"

"Oh, yeah," Kaitlin replied half-bitingly and half-sarcastically eyeing Julie. "Then I won't be watched over every second of the day."

Summer had heard from her father that Julie was being especially protective of Kaitlin these last few months. She knew that Kaitlin was hating it and resenting her mother for it but Summer had a sense of understanding. (After her various therapy sessions four years ago, she better have had some understanding for it all.) Julie didn't want Kaitlin falling into the same downward spiral Marissa had before her death. Julie wanted to prevent it all so she became an overprotective mother for her only birth daughter left, not letting her get away with anything.

"Oh, Kaitlin," Julie scoffed, "This is Summer's day. Lay off with the teenage mood swings."

Kaitlin rolled her eyes as Summer grinned at her family. "Well, I should be going now… I think they were just trying to wave us all over."

Dr. Roberts nodded, pulling Summer in for another hug. "Good luck, sweetie."

Summer smiled as she watched the three of them walk off towards their seats. She then glanced around her, at her now former classmates. Many people were with family members but just as many were with their significant others. Summer tried to shrug it off and pretend that pain wasn't rising within her as she walked off towards her seat. She plastered on the biggest smile she could, trying to convince herself that she wasn't upset that he wasn't here, beaming up at her with awe and amazement written across his face. She walked tall and proud, passing more former classmates wishing them luck, tucking her memories away.

Summer felt her smile begin to break as she saw a girl from her Senior Thesis class smell a bouquet of roses from her long-term boyfriend. The girl then smiled up from the flowers, wrapping her arms around her boyfriend's neck, whispering supposed words of gratitude to him as he held her waist, grinning widely.

Suddenly Summer's thoughts of her life six months ago couldn't be pushed to the back of her mind. Instead these memories flooded her senses as she fell into a daze while she took her seat within the crowd.

"_Don't say anything – just listen," Seth covered Summer's mouth as she sat on the couch and he sat down next to her. "So I have a plan." Summer tried to speak but Seth smirked, keeping his hand firmly planted on her mouth. "I said listen, Summer." Summer rolled her eyes but obeyed her boyfriend. "In two weeks, in addition to going to Newport for Thanksgiving, we're taking a few extra days for some R&R and heading to Vegas."_

_Summer tried to pull Seth's hand from her mouth and Seth let her. "Vegas? Like, as in, Las Vegas? In Nevada?"_

"_Wow, baby! I didn't know you were such a geography bee!"_

_Summer swatted Seth's arm lightly as he falsely grimaced, rubbing his arm._

"_Yes, Summer, I'm taking you to Vegas for a wonderful two night, three day stay in Las Vegas' very own Caesars Palace. But if you're gonna continue hitting me like you just did I might have to rethink this entire getaway trip."_

"_Seriously? We're gonna go to Vegas?" Summer asked excitedly._

"_And why exactly are you acting like you've never been there?"_

"_We haven't been there together."_

_Seth wiggled his pointer finger in the air and shook his head. "Not true, my darling. We were in Vegas a few years back if I do remember correctly."_

"_Oh yeah?" Summer laughed. "You remember those hookers I helped you pay off too?"_

_Seth leaned over, pushing Summer gently backwards onto the couch so she was resting beneath him. "Nope. I only remember the grand finale of the trip where me, you, and Ryan walked the Strip and then you and I came back to the hotel to spend time making out on the bowling alley in my hotel room. Now, __**that**__ was an adolescent fantasy come true for me."_

"_Cohen," Summer sighed, reaching her hands up to wrap around his neck and play with his curls. "This is, like, a real couple's trip. Just you and me on a vacation. I don't think we've ever done one of those."_

_Seth paused, staring at Summer for a moment as she continued threading her fingers through his hair. "Huh. You know, we haven't. Guess it's a first."_

"_We don't have a lot of those left," Summer frowned._

"_What? Firsts?"_

_Summer nodded her head as Seth stared at her questioningly. "You know, like, we had our first kiss, first date, first fight, first anniversary – you know, all that stuff. So we don't really have a lot of firsts left. It's all just gonna be routine now."_

"_Summer," Seth connected his forehead to hers, looking deeply into her brown orbs, "We have the rest of our lives. There's plenty of firsts to be had."_

_Summer wiped the growing frown off of her face, replacing it with a smile, and pulled Seth's neck closer so her anxious lips could finally touch his dry ones._

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"Summer Roberts," the Dean of Brown University announced proudly, as if she had personally known Summer, grinning from ear to ear.

Summer stood up, turning towards her father, Julie, and Kaitlin before giving them a small smile and making her way up to the front of the auditorium.

She took the diploma from the Dean's hand, turning back around to her beaming family and random friends throughout the sea of people. Summer smiled back as she walked off the stage, returning to her seat, gripping her diploma in her hand.

Was that really it? Was that the whole graduation scene she had been working towards for the past four years? Her proud moment faded as soon as it came as she realized that the things she had most wanted in life were not the things she needed at all.

Speeches were continued to be made, camera flashes went off like the paparazzi, and Summer sat in her daze wondering where she had made her biggest mistakes. Trying to pinpoint the exact moment where everything had gone wrong – had completely left her alone and isolated from the dreams she had always held closest to her heart.

It was no wonder Summer was shocked when her dad was racing back up to her once again, wishing her congratulations and words of more encouragement.

"Summer, you have your whole life ahead of you! Isn't that amazing? You're a college graduate!" Dr. Roberts beamed, handing her a bouquet of flowers.

"Of Brown University, no less!" Julie added in.

"It's really something," Kaitlin murmured honestly under her breath, giving Summer a faint smile.

"Thank you," Summer hugged her dad and then smiled at Julie and Kaitlin. "All of you. You guys are amazing. But it's just a graduation. I've already graduated once before," Summer tried to joke.

Dr. Roberts began to quip. "Yeah, but not from college! Now my baby girl is going to be starting a career in New York City! Your life is just beginning!"

"That's what I was afraid of," Summer scoffed quietly.

"Summer," Julie rested a hand on Summer's shoulder. "Don't be afraid. You'll be wonderful in New York. An asset. It'll be like a completely new you. Like _Extreme Makeover_ or something!"

"I don't want a new me," Summer soured the mood of happiness all around her even more. "I want the old me. I miss my old life."

There was silence for a few moments when Summer realized she shouldn't have brought up issues that hadn't been fully explained or even understood yet. She just couldn't help it. With everyone surrounding her, hugging the people they longed to see the most, she was here missing the one person who made her who she was today. Who made her go to Brown University. Who made her go and take the internship last summer that helped her land her upcoming job in New York City. And she was becoming extremely resentful at all the people around her who were getting what they wanted, just how they wanted it and here she was being left to pick up the pieces the best she could and just deal with the outcome.

"If you want to talk about it…" Julie tried but Summer swatted her off, plastering on her smile once again.

"No. Forget I said it. You guys are right. This is my day. And it's a big day. I think I should go back to my apartment, change, and we can all go out to eat. Is that all right?"

"Summer, I'm sure if you had asked him to come he would have…" Dr. Roberts added.

"I said forget it," Summer told her father seriously. "I'm going to just say goodbye to a couple of friends and then head back to the apartment. Meet me there in a half hour, okay?"

Before either Dr. Roberts, Julie, or Kaitlin could stop her, Summer was racing off towards auditorium in an attempt to find a bathroom to collapse in tears in. But before she could make it that far, the same friend she had seen earlier with her boyfriend that had sent Summer into a flashback of her past she was willing herself to forget, stopped her happily.

"Summer Roberts!" The girl wrapped her arms around Summer's shoulders. "I'm going to miss you!"

"Aw," Summer pulled out of under her grasp. "Me too, Sarah."

"Just think – no more group projects together that last until six am the morning it's due!"

"I know! What am I ever going to do without those?" Summer attempted a laugh.

"I don't know!" Sarah laughed full-heartedly as the man Summer suspected was her boyfriend pulled up. He wrapped his arm around Sarah's waist, pulling her closer. "Oh, Summer. This is Tom. My fiancé."

"Fiancé?" Summer blurted abruptly. "You're engaged?"

"Just proposed two nights ago," Tom – the fiancé – intervened. "Why? Are there some other guys I should know about?" Tom joked.

"No. Oh, God no. I just… wow… umm… congratulations," Summer replied, still clearly stunned.

"Thanks," Sarah answered. "You okay, Summer?"

"What? Me? Oh, yeah. Seriously. Umm… I'm sorry but I told my family I'd meet them somewhere and I'm already running late so I really have to go. It was really nice to meet you, Tom. And good luck."

"Expect an invitation in the mail, Summer!" Sarah shouted after her.

"Of course, yeah!" Summer shouted back, walking away at a fast pace.

Summer began walking even faster, eventually sprinting towards the auditorium, reaching the bathroom. She pushed open the door with full force, almost ramming into an older woman leaving, and locked herself in a stall, crying quietly to herself.

Summer Roberts was now a graduate of Brown University. She was an adult with a full-time job lined up in New York City that she was to start in three weeks, a wonderful apartment she was to be living in that overlooked the Brooklyn Bridge and only a few blocks from a main subway line, and friends and family that she cared for. She had everything any possible college graduate could ask for.

Except the one thing she wanted more than any amount of money, luck, or material possession could give her.

Seth Cohen.


	2. The Great Pretender

**Disclaimer: The majority of the main characters are not mine. But the plotline is.**

**A/N: I forgot to mention in the last chapter that the title of this story was taken from a line from a Death Cab song. I suppose that's more of a disclaimer than a note though.**

**I loved all the reviews. And I loved how half of you had no clue what was going on and then the other half of you thought you knew what was coming. All I really gotta say is don't underestimate me. I might have a few more tricks up my sleeves than you think. ;)**

**Read. Review. It makes me write a hell of a lot faster during these summer days.**

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Seth Cohen walked out with the rest of his 2010 graduating class of Johnson and Wales University, searching for his family. He wasn't able to find them in the mess of people before – due to lack of organizational skills of the University – and although he knew they were around the area somewhere, he just wished he could see them and especially see his father's face when he went up to receive the diploma for his Bachelor of Law degree.

He couldn't believe he was already here – like, in this place in his life. It seemed like he had been working and working and all for this one moment.

Seth had imagined it in many different ways ever since he was ten. Graduating from college and working at a comic book company in San Diego. Of course, Seth wasn't exactly planning to work at a comic book company in San Diego but the idea was the same. He was finally going to be beginning the life he had dreamt about.

He never imagined too many people coming to his graduation. He pictured his mom and his dad and maybe even the Nana if she took enough time out of her busy work schedule, but no one else. In reality Seth had his mother, his father, Ryan, Lana, and his best friend Nick. Never in a million years would Seth have hoped for this many people coming to celebrate Seth's biggest day in his life to date. And yet, somehow, they were all there. For him.

"Sethie!"

Seth turned his head at the sound of his most hated nicknamed. He tried to fake a frown but upon seeing his closest friends and family he couldn't hide the wide smile. Seth waved as they all waved enthusiastically back at him.

"Way to go, Cali-boy!" Nick shouted and Seth turned back in his place, laughing and shaking his head to himself.

"Got some enthusiastic fans back there," an unfamiliar fellow graduate sitting next to Seth stated, leaning over whilst laughing.

"Yeah, it's my family from California. And a couple of friends."

"Well, it's cool that they're that proud of you. My parents were complaining about the drive from Maine to come here – never mind California."

Seth laughed, holding his hands in his lap. "Yeah…"

"Say," the guy continued. "Didn't you live in the Imperial dorm sophomore year? Third floor?"

"Umm…" Seth rubbed his forehead in question. "Yeah. Did you?"

"Yeah! I knew I recognized you! You were the guy with the hott girlfriend right? The one you had been dating for… what? Like five years or something crazy like that?" The guy beamed at his recollection.

"Yeah, that was me," Seth answered uncomfortably.

"Dude, we were all pretty jealous of you. You had the perfect girl with the ideal relationship. I think I remember wanting to kill you while you slept," the guy joked. Seth laughed nervously, wanting to end the conversation desperately. "I bet she's really proud of you right now… You guys engaged yet?"

Seth felt his face burning up and his palms beginning to sweat. He thought he had reached the point where questions like these wouldn't be asked anymore. He thought that now, nearly four months later, he would never have to answer another question like this ever again. That he could continue to shut everything from his mind and pretend like it never happened – or better yet, never had existed in the first place.

"Nope," Seth shook his head furiously in nervousness. "Not at all. We're… ah… we're actually kind of over."

"Oh," the guy looked surprised, "Wow. I really… I didn't expect… Dude, I'm sorry I asked. It wasn't my place. Sorry, man."

"It's okay," Seth replied, speaking a little louder over the cheers that had now engulfed the auditorium, indicating the ceremony was starting. "I'm over it."

Seth turned his head, smiling at the people standing on the stage further in front of him, clapping his hands with the introduction of the University's President.

He shut out the conversation he just had with the unfamiliar sophomore floormate and focused on his big day, grinning from ear to ear.

It was amazing how well Seth had gotten these past four months at pretending everything was okay.

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_Summer stood at the doorway into their honeymoon suite at Caesars Palace in awe. There were pedals of red roses lining the entrance and leading into the bedroom, which had its own screen doors to be used for extra privacy. As Summer gasped excitedly, walking into the suite, she also noticed a small balcony at one part of the bedroom, overlooking the entire expanse of the Strip._

"_Seth, this is amazing. How did you even afford this?" Summer jumped onto the bed like a five year old squealing child._

"_A little help from the parental units. Plus, it's part of your Chrismukkah gift."_

_Summer stopped bouncing on the bed, looking out into the small area outside of the bedroom that Seth was pacing happily. "__**Part**__ of my Chrismukkah gift? You mean there's more than this?"_

"_Of course. It's not exactly Chrismukkah is it? I didn't want to ruin the holiday by giving all parts of your gift to you a month early." Seth wandered up to the bed where Summer was now balancing on her knees, bringing her hands to rest on Seth's shoulders._

"_Cohen, you are the best boyfriend ever."_

"_That's what I hear," Seth smirked, falling into Summer and bringing them both backwards onto the bed._

"_Ha. That's funny, Cohen," Summer laughed under Seth's body. "But seriously. How am I gonna top this?"_

"_You don't have to top it. You just have to match it," Seth rolled over off of Summer's body, lying on his back with his hands tucked underneath his head._

_Summer held her body up with her elbow as she put her face in her hand, staring at her boyfriend. "Match it? And how am I supposed to do that?"_

"_I can think of a few ways," Seth answered flirtatiously, straightening himself out on the bed._

"_Right…" Summer giggled, rolling onto her back as well. "Wow, Seth, seriously, I love this. This is just what I wanted. What I needed."_

_Seth sighed happily, removing one of his hands from underneath his head and finding one of Summer's to hold onto. He didn't say anything, instead rubbing his thumb over her knuckles gingerly. Summer turned her head on her side, staring at Seth's smiling face that was facing towards the ceiling. Seth felt Summer's eyes bearing over at him and he began laughing, twisting his body so he was rolling on top of Summer's once again._

"_Cohen!" Summer teased blissfully. "We were having a moment! And you ruined it!"_

_Seth chuckled into her neck, moaning. "Oh, Summer… you really know how to turn me on with your endearing insults."_

_Summer laughed, leaning her head back even more to give Seth better access, and Seth reveled in the smell of Summer's sweet skin, letting his lips glide over it all slowly and sultrily._

_Seth felt Summer's chest rise and fall against his in content and he admired her beauty, as he had many times before, by pulling away and gathering her face in his hands. Summer's eyes fluttered open, looking lovingly into his, opening her mouth to say something as Seth suddenly leaned forward and placed a delicate kiss on her lips to silence her. He didn't let it get too intense too soon, instead opting for a short, perfect moment._

"_I love being like this with you," Seth whispered._

"_On top of my chest?" Summer mocked, reaching her nose up to rub against his. "Of course you do, Cohen."_

"_Now look who's ruining the moment!" Seth pulled away, sitting up on the bed facing the balcony._

_Summer sat up as well, leaning her head on Seth's shoulder looking out onto the Strip from their hotel room window._

"_Thank you, Seth," Summer whispered against Seth's arms._

_Seth turned his head down towards Summer, leaving a quick kiss on top of her hair and wrapped his arm around her body, pulling her closer to him._

_Seth's heart filled with ecstasy at his accomplishment of planning the perfect romantic getaway with Summer. And he certainly didn't see how anything could possibly ruin it._

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"Congratulations to the Johnson and Wales University class of 2010!" the President shouted into the microphone as people surrounding Seth jumped up from their seats, throwing their caps high into the air. Seth stared at them in amazement; almost like he was having an outer-body experience, watching everyone looking completely happy and successful.

The guy Seth had been sitting next to Seth during the ceremony and had been talking to less than an hour ago yanked on Seth's arm. "Come on, man! We're graduates!"

Seth smiled up at him as he stood to his feet, clapping with the rest of his graduating class. He looked back to his family, as they stood beaming and clapping their hands furiously and happily.

It seemed like only seconds to Seth as his class disintegrated into groups of people and his own family and friends were surrounding him.

"Congratulations, Seth!" Kirsten grinned, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly.

"Yeah, congrats, man," Ryan added, throwing a slap to Seth's back.

"My boy's gonna be a lawyer!" Sandy shouted, also pulling Seth into a hug.

After all the congratulations, Seth pulled back, grinning from ear to ear, noticing the absence of one of his attendees. "Hey, where's Nick?"

"Oh, he saw some girl he wanted to get to know as we were walking over here," Lana told him. "I don't think he's gonna be back anytime soon."

They all laughed and Seth continued beaming. "So since I'm a college graduate with a bachelor's degree in law and a full-time job at Peabody & Sheehan – with the added bonus of free tuition at my choice of law schools – where shall we be dining tonight?"

"Free law school?" Ryan barked. "Are you kidding?"

"Well, okay, so they didn't _technically_ say that but they hinted at if they want to keep me on full-time after a year that they would pay for it. Pretty much the same thing."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "That's not the same thing, Seth."

"Well, whichever," Seth threw his hands into the air then clapping them together in front of him. "So where are we going for dinner?"

"Um…" Kirsten stuttered uneasily. "Well, I thought you were gonna want to say goodbye to some friends for the evening so me and your father made plans with Julie and Dr. Roberts because, you know, they're in town for Sum -"

Seth cut his mother off before she could say the name, "Right. And you couldn't have planned something like that for California?"

"We live in Berkeley now, Seth. We hardly ever get to see them. And what with your sudden break up with Sum -"

Seth cut her off again, "Okay, fine." Seth turned his head towards Ryan and Lana. "How about you two? Dinner? I know some really great Thai places around here that will make it feel like we're back in good 'ole California." He paused for a moment, shaking his head in shock at his statement. "Wow, did I just say that?"

Ryan laughed. "Sure, man. I'm game. Lana?"

"That sounds like a great idea, Seth. But I actually have to meet someone in, like," Lana checked her watch, "a half hour so can we plan for dinner at seven?"

"Seven? That's quite a long wait for someone who's stomach is already growling, Lana. Who is more important to meet than me on my graduation day?"

Lana looked down nervously, not wanting to tell oblivious Seth the one thing he didn't want to hear. "Summer."

"Oh," Seth's smile faltered for a moment before he recovered it quickly. "Well, yeah, that makes sense since you guys are friends. Okay, so Ryan and I will just meet you at Nick's apartment at seven?"

"Seth, I'm sorry I just -"

Seth interrupted her, not wanting to be reminded of things he was still trying to forget. "Nick's apartment. At seven. Sound good, Lana?"

Lana sighed, gripping Ryan's hand for comfort. "Sounds great, Seth."

"Great. I'll see you two lovebirds later," Seth told them, turning towards Ryan. "Call me when you want to get going. I'm gonna say goodbye to a few people and try and find Nick."

"Congratulations, Seth." Ryan offered comfortingly.

Seth smiled sadly, knowing Ryan knew the thoughts that were running through his head, "Thanks."

Seth wandered off, waving casually to his parents, in search of his best friend.

Sometimes Seth wondered what would have happened if he had listened to his heart instead of his brain back four months ago.

This was one of those moments.

But then, like this one, he would shake his head furiously, angry that he'd even thought of the 'what if' scenario again, and pick up his pace to wherever it was he was heading off to.

Seth needed things to be okay again. He needed to be happy with his life and his future. And if he wasn't, pretending was always his second-best choice.


	3. The Shocking Surprises

**Disclaimer: "The OC" belongs to Josh Schwartz. And apparently the Soap Opera Network because they now run reruns of the show on there. Oh, and I lied in the last chapter – "Corresponding Shapes" is a phrase from the Postal Service, not Death Cab. Hey – at least I **_**tried**_** to disclaim it. ;)**

**A/N: So this chapter kind of opens up the can of worms (so to speak) but I just want to remind you all that it doesn't end here. Like there are way more complications that come to play in this story than just this. So – again – if you think you have it figured out, you can just keep on guessing. Haha.**

**Read, enjoy, and review. Reviews are my favorite. (That's a line – sort-of – stolen from "Elf." And I'm positive of that seeing as it's one of my favorite movies ever.)**

**Oh yeah – I'm moving to Washington, DC this upcoming week to start an internship so I might not be able to post for a longer amount of time than I usually do. Just a heads up.**

**Okay – seriously – here's the chapter:**

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"My stomach's about to eat itself," Seth groaned as he, Ryan, and Lana walked into the diner they found on State Street. "You couldn't have been a little bit earlier?"

"No," Lana snapped. "I was doing… things."

"Right. Things. That sounds extremely important. Can't miss those _things_."

"Shut up, Seth. It's only eight-thirty. You can live," Lana rolled her eyes.

"Depends. I don't really like breakfast food and it might be so late at this place that they've already started making breakfast foods in which case I won't be able to eat the steak I've been dying for all day."

"I don't think they have steak at this place at any time of the day," Ryan chimed in.

"Why, hey thanks buddy! That helps my stomach feel ten times better!" Seth told his brother sarcastically.

Ryan barely rolled his eyes before he started off towards the bathroom. Seth and Lana sat down at the table and Ryan sprinted – _sprinted_, Seth was sure he had never seen Ryan sprint to anyone before – back to Lana's side. "You need anything before I go to the bathroom?"

Seth raised his eyebrows in question and Lana sent Seth a nervous look before turning back to her boyfriend. "No, no. I'm fine, Ryan."

"You sure?" Ryan inquired further, ignoring Seth's looks of question.

"Honest. You can go to the bathroom, I'll be fine."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure she can live without you for five minutes, man," Seth joked.

Ryan continued to ignore him, "I'll be right back." Ryan kissed Lana's forehead and jutted off in search of the bathroom.

Lana turned her head back towards Seth plastering on a smile and Seth kept his eyebrows raised in question. Neither said a word for a minute; Lana trying to ignore the situation and Seth trying to get Lana to say something. (He knew she had never been a fan of awkward silence.)

"Fine," Seth broke a short twenty seconds into the silence. "I'll go first. What the hell is up with Ryan?"

"Nothing," Lana replied casually.

"Nothing?"

"Nothing that I know of," Lana peered over her menu. "Wow, they really do have steak here, Seth."

Seth grabbed the top of Lana's menu, pulling it down. "Forget the steak. You're avoiding the subject at hand."

"There's no subject. Except for dinner. Which you said was clearly on the top of your priority lists for tonight," Lana tried to joke, easing the conversation heading.

"Ryan never acts protective like that. Even for one of his girlfriends. I mean, yeah, okay, he punches people when they hurt anyone he cares about and his anger issues still need some work but that was like, very _boyfriendy_ of him."

"Well, he is my boyfriend," Lana scoffed.

Seth continued on, only shaking his head in disagreement at Lana. "It's beside the point. And he just, like, ran back to the table to make sure you were all right. When has Ryan ever done that stuff? Especially in a restaurant?"

Lana sighed, dropping her menu and putting her fists down roughly on the table. Seth jolted from his questioning state, leaning back in shock at Lana. "You couldn't just wait, like, fifteen more minutes, could you?"

"What for?"

"You always ruin things. Any surprise or special moment – you just ruin them all!" Lana blinked back tears.

"Whoa, whoa," Seth held his hands up, "Moody much?"

"You're such an asshole," Lana scoffed. "You don't listen to anybody but yourself. You don't care about anything except for what you want. You lose everything important to you because you're so selfish and can't stand to see other people's perspectives on things. The world doesn't revolve around you, Seth!"

"Honestly, if this is about who you went to see earlier then I really think you should cut me some slack -" Seth tried to defend himself.

"She has a name, Seth!" Lana began to shout, ignoring all the looks from people at other tables. "Her name is Summer! Summer Roberts!"

"Thanks," Seth mumbled sardonically. "I somehow forgot."

"Oh my God," Lana scoffed again. "Fine. Forget I mentioned it. I know you will. – You want to know what's up with Ryan? And you want to know what important things I was doing earlier? I set-up an anonymous doctor's appointment for while I was gonna be out here. And I went. And I found out that I'm pregnant."

Seth leaned back again, closing his eyes to calm himself before replying. "Really?"

"Yes, really," Lana replied, crossing her arms. "You're gonna be an uncle. Are you angry about that? Going to run out of here?"

"No, no…" Seth trailed, taking it all in. "I'm just shocked. I didn't… I hadn't… Congratulations, Lana. I'm really happy for you. And Ryan."

Lana's mouth curved into a smile and her outburst from seconds earlier was forgotten. "Thanks. I wasn't sure how you were gonna take it."

"I probably would have taken it much better if you hadn't freaked out on me a few seconds ago," Seth joked, wiping the back of his hand across his forehead.

Lana laughed, "Sorry. I just… God, I feel so _weird_."

"You're pregnant. I think that's normal," Seth chuckled, finding himself relaxing into the situation.

Just as Lana opened her mouth to speak again, Ryan appeared at the table again, sliding into the booth next to Lana. "Hey – and apparently I missed something…?" Ryan asked after taking glances at Seth and Lana.

"Congratulations," Seth offered.

Ryan let his eyebrows raise in question and turned towards Lana. Lana rested her hand on Ryan's. "I told him."

Ryan looked back at Seth, waiting for a more 'Seth-like' reaction but Seth proved him wrong by keeping silent and smiling.

"So you have nothing to say about it?" Ryan questioned.

"Is there something I'm supposed to say?" Seth inquired.

"No… no. I just… I didn't know if…"

"It's great news, Ryan. Really great news," Seth told him genuinely. "Have you told mom and dad?"

"Not yet. We were planning on doing it when we got back," Ryan informed him.

Lana added in, "We didn't want to take over the spotlight during your graduation."

Seth laughed, "Well, that's great guys. I'm going to be an uncle! ... Wow… we're really that old, huh?" Seth began to look off, thinking his thoughts aloud. "People are old enough to get married and have kids and have real jobs in the real world…. We're not kids anymore…. Our decisions we make now really do affect us for the rest of our lives… But what happens if you make the wrong decision? Your parents can't fix it for you. You're left to pick up the pieces on your own… What if you don't know how to do that? What if you were never taught what to do if everything you thought your future was going to be turns out to be wrong? What then?" Both Ryan and Lana looked at him expectantly as Seth shook himself out of his monologue daze, laughing quietly to himself. "Sorry. Didn't mean to go all philosophical there."

"Man," Ryan whispered to Seth, "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah – I'm fine," Seth smiled, glancing between his brother and Lana. "You guys are really lucky. I'm happy for you both."

Ryan and Lana smiled at each other, exchanging looks of love, while Seth felt his smile falter a few times too many to count.

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Seth had insisted on celebrating that night at his and Nick's apartment. He wanted to celebrate both his college graduation and the news of Ryan and Lana's pregnancy. He wanted to have fun. He wanted to forget.

He wanted to show everyone he was over everything.

"Guys!" Seth shouted, clasping a beer in each hand. "Let's play a drinking game!"

"Dude," Nick snickered. "You really think you should be drinking still? I think you've had enough."

"No!" Seth yelled, holding the beer bottles close to his chest in a protective manner. "We _must_ play!"

"Must?" Ryan groaned.

"_Must_!" Seth reiterated. "Let's play Beer Pong. Or Kings. Or no… wait… 'Never have I ever!'"

Ryan, Lana (who wasn't drinking on account of the pregnancy), Nick, Gabe, and a few girls from the comic book and video game store looked at one another as if coming to an answer together.

"Yeah…" Gabe started. "I'm cool with it if everyone else is."

"All right. I'm game," Nick added. "Lisa? Victoria?"

Both girls nodded their heads in unison and Seth clapped his hands together. "Excellent! Now all we need is Ryan-buddy over here to join in on the festivities!"

"Is it necessary?" Ryan winced, standing next to Lana handing her another water bottle.

"_Completely_," Seth grinned. "This whole game is riding on you."

"Great," Ryan groaned, sitting himself on the couch next to Lana. "Who goes first?"

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It didn't take long for everyone to get into the swing of the game and find themselves having a great time. Even Ryan, who had been reluctant to play in the first place, had to admit that he was having more fun than he had in a long time. Lana was also having a fun time laughing at everyone's drunk antics and all in all it was turning out to be a wonderful night in.

"Never have I ever…," the girl Lisa began, "Had sex with a professor."

Nick, Gabe, and Seth laughed hysterically as they knew that Victoria had shamefully done this and as she blushed and swore at Lisa, she downed the drink. "Why thanks, Lisa."

"No problem!"

"You should have known that one was coming," Nick told Victoria and then refocused back on the game, "Never have I ever… umm… Shit my pants in public."

"What?" Ryan shouted. "Who's done that?!"

"Dude, I told you never to mention that to anyone! Ever!" Gabe bellowed.

"It was Seth's idea," Nick pointed to Seth. "He told me that one would be a great 'Never have I ever' line to do!"

"Gross," Lisa scrunched up her face. "Gabe, did you really do that?"

"I had just eaten some really greasy food and my intestines didn't take it too well," Gabe explained to Lisa before downing his own shot, glaring at Seth. "I'm going to get you for that one."

"Sure," Seth cackled. "But I don't have anything really embarrassing like that."

"It's true," Ryan threw in. "He really doesn't. Yours pretty much takes the cake."

"Sure. Well... Never have I ever…," Gabe snickered a bit, trying to come up with a good one to get back at Seth. His mind appeared to be reeling with possible lines that would embarrass Seth but he realized Ryan was right. Seth had never really ever did anything remotely that embarrassing. He finally landed on one idea that although it might not have been appropriate, his drunken state of mind was telling him to go for it. "Never have I ever…" Gabe started again, glancing at Seth wickedly, "Been married."

All smiles immediately turned into frowns and heads turned towards Seth. Seth stared at Gabe icily and Gabe felt himself backing down, wishing he could take back the comment he just made.

Ryan, Lana, Nick, and the other girls glanced worriedly between each other's faces as they waited for the outcome.

No one seemed to feel drunk anymore.

_Seth and Summer sat on the floor of their Las Vegas hotel bedroom's balcony, looking over, dangling their feet as they drank their way through two large bottles of champagne and started on their third._

"_You know," Summer began, "I really don't think we should be doing this. We could… like… die or something."_

"_Die?" Seth laughed. "Drastic turn of events we have here."_

"_Cohen," Summer whined. "I wanna do something exciting. Let's do something exciting!"_

_Seth laughed as he lazily draped one arm around Summer's waist, pulling her closer, and used the other hand to finish up his current glass of champagne. "Exciting, exciting or exciting, spontaneous?"_

"_Spontaneous!" Summer shouted as she slurred._

_Seth grinned, letting his eyes haze over showing that downing almost two entire bottles of champagne himself was definitely over his limit. "We could go skinny dipping."_

"_Ew, Cohen," Summer slurred. "I'm not a whore."_

_Seth laughed falling backwards into the bedroom, dragging Summer backwards with him. "Well, you're my whore."_

_Summer sat up abruptly and Seth closed his eyes, turning away, thinking that she was about to swat him but instead she started coming up with suggestions. "Let's do something memorable!"_

"_Like what?" Seth left a trail of kisses down Summer's neck._

"_I don't know. But something really great. Like, um, really __**really**__ great," Summer giggled._

"_Drunk sex?" Seth tried to suggest. "That's really __**really**__ great."_

"_No," Summer pushed Seth away, declaring suddenly and completely out of the blue, "Next time I have sex I want to be married."_

"_You're kidding," Seth laughed in his drunken state. "I can't wait that long to have sex with you!"_

_Summer stood up, letting Seth's arms have to reach for her body. "Yes, you can! Let's go!"_

"_I don't want to go anywhere, Summer. I want to stay drunk and have drunk sex," Seth whined._

"_Well," Summer stood in front of Seth with her hands on her hips, "I want to have sex too. So I'm going to get married. Aren't you coming?"_

"_Married? At the chapel downstairs?" Summer nodded her head excitedly as Seth looked at her happily, letting his drunken state take over his rational thought. "Awesome! But I think we're gonna need another bottle of champagne..."_

Seth grabbed the shot and gulped it in one short and sweet swig, letting the vodka run down the back of his throat and deep into his chest.

"There," Seth slammed the glass down back onto the table. "Who's next?"


	4. The Help from the Coopers

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**A/N: So I'm living in DC now and with that comes along a lot of responsibilities I'm still getting used to. So until everything's figured out, I won't be updating regularly. I apologize for that.**

**But I love reading your reviews and they **_**do**_** make me write faster! (I know, I know… every author says that but I really **_**mean**_** it.) So let me know what you think and I promise in return I'll try to use what little spare time I have wisely. ;)**

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Summer wasn't prepared to go back to California. She hadn't been back since last Christmas and that in itself was already a difficult memory. But she had made a promise to herself and her long since deceased friend that she would always come back to Newport Beach, California at the end of every May.

So here Summer was – packing for an exhausting week to be spent in the California heat with her family – while Kaitlin sat on Summer's bed in her Providence apartment.

"So," Kaitlin chatted happily to Summer, "My mom is all, like, _begging_ to move to Berkeley to be up there with Kirsten. I mean, I'm seriously starting to think she has some kind of girl-crush on her. You know?"

Summer faintly laughed, "Yeah, I always had that suspicion too."

"Seriously, right?!" Kaitlin squealed. "And what am I supposed to do if she convinces your dad to actually move up there? I'll have no where to come back to eat at when I'm tired of cafeteria food at USC. Or if I hate my roommate, I'll have no where to stay. My mom doesn't need to go to Berkeley. It, like, _rains_ up there. She would _not_ do well in the rain, no matter how cute her rain boots are."

"Well, Kirsten's pretty much her only friend. It's hard to be away from your friends. She probably just misses the company," Summer shrugged. "Besides, once you go to college, you won't really want to come back to living at home."

"See, I know that. But, then again, all of my friends live here. So even if they aren't going to USC with me, I'd still be able to see them on break. But now, if my mom actually convinces your dad to move up there, I won't ever see them."

"You'll make new friends, Katie," Summer packed her suitcase, casually throwing t-shirts and shorts into it.

"You didn't make a lot of new friends," Kaitlin replied. "Didn't you, like, spend your entire time with Seth?"

Summer winced slightly at the mention of his name, but tried to reply in a composed manner. "That's because he was my boyfriend."

"See, that's another thing," Kaitlin added, oblivious to the unnerving state she had just put Summer in. "I don't want to have a roommate with a boyfriend. Or even any friends with serious boyfriends. College is meant to be fun. Boyfriends just hold you down. And besides, relationships never really work out during this time in our lives."

Summer turned around from her suitcase, eyeing Kaitlin. "What makes you say that?"

"Well… ah… you, for starters."

Summer mouthed an 'oh' and then turned back to her suitcase, grabbing a t-shirt sitting on her dresser drawer.

"I didn't mean anything bad by it," Kaitlin threw in, standing up from the bed and walking next to Summer. "I was just giving it as an example. Guys at this age are never really ready for long-term commitment. Like how, you know, Seth wasn't."

"Uh huh," Summer scoffed, moving past Kaitlin towards her bathroom to gather other necessities.

"Summer, you don't have to put your guard up or anything. I know what happened between you and Seth."

"You do?" Summer twirled around, putting her hands on her hip as a defense. "And how do you know this?"

"Well, it's kind of obvious, isn't it? He wasn't ready for that long-term commitment. Which is why the whole marriage thing didn't work." Kaitlin waved her hand carelessly up in the air like she was talking about an everyday occurrence rather than the event that had dramatically changed Summer's life.

Summer stood stunned for a minute before gathering herself to respond to her little step-sister. "What makes you think Seth and I were married?"

"I heard Ryan talking to Lana about it back in January when we went up to Berkeley for that New Years celebration at the Cohens'. But don't worry – I never told my mom or your dad. I understand. Mistakes happen. Especially in Las Vegas. Our parents didn't need to know."

Summer felt like her head was about to explode at this news. Her mouth opened and closed a few times before she was finally able to formulate words. "I… how… why are you just mentioning this now?"

"Never had a time to before. My mom or your dad was always around. But anyways – you understand what I'm saying? College boyfriends are bad."

"I didn't… Seth wasn't… Seth and I weren't married."

Kaitlin started to laugh a bit, walking towards Summer's closet, peeking through her array of clothing. "Don't lie, Summer."

"I'm not…" Summer stated unconvinced, following Kaitlin. Kaitlin turned her head, giving Summer a stare as if to tell her that she didn't believe her. "Well… even if we were married what makes you think it was Seth who wasn't ready for the commitment?"

"Because you're pathetically depressed. No offense, of course. And anyhow – no girl who ends a marriage – or even a relationship – walks around this depressed for four months," Kaitlin stated obviously.

"Seth and I weren't married, Kaitlin," Summer tried to lie to her, trying to shield all memories from that time from flooding her mind once again. "Honestly."

Kaitlin continued scrounging through the closet, not turning back to Summer. Summer felt herself backing away, falling onto her bed, in disbelief. "We weren't."

"Uh huh…" Kaitlin replied cheekily, still skimming through the clothes. "Whatever you need to tell yourself to get through."

Summer sighed loudly, throwing her hand to drape across her forehead. After a few moments of silence, Summer spoke quietly, almost in a whisper. "Don't say anything, okay Kaitlin?"

Kaitlin turned around, the sly look disappearing quickly from her face. She held onto the doorknob of the closet, closing it and sitting herself next to Summer and then lying down next to her. She turned her head towards her older step-sister just in time to see a few tears roll down her cheek and onto the feathered pillow.

"I won't," Kaitlin whispered back, grabbing her hand and holding it tightly for support. "It'll be all right, Summer."

At this, Summer doubled over in uncontrollable sobs for the numerous time that year, feeling her heart break once again.

_Summer woke up in a sea of sheets and the musky, manly scent of Seth as she faintly observed her surroundings, trying to remember where she was and what she was doing there. The sun was shining brightly through the window – closing the blinds obviously must have been the furthest thing both Seth and Summer's minds the night before – and Summer squinted as she tried to move Seth's arm that was enfolded around her waist and resting on the small of her back. As Summer attempted to sit herself upright, a loud ringing noise boggled within her head and made it ache in pain. She was able to get off the bed without awaking Seth and stumbled carelessly over to her purse located in the corner of the room, only dressed in her bra and boy shorts, searching frantically for some aspirin. It wasn't until she finally found the bottle and saw her promise ring next to it that she noticed the new – and rather cheap-looking – chunk of jewelry that had replaced her promise ring's place on her left hand's ring finger._

"_Oh my fucking God," Summer quietly mumbled to herself in shock as she fell backwards, landing with a thump onto the floor._

_After a few stunned moments, Summer quickly snapped herself out of the shock, getting up and racing into the main room that was connected to the bedroom searching for any documentation that what she thought that ring stood for either had or had not actually occurred._

_Sure enough, there it was lying on the random light stand right near the doorway._

_Summer picked it up, and examined it closely, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in her head. Yes, it was definitely an official Las Vegas' Little White Chapel marriage license and certificate of authenticy._

_Summer laughed to herself ironically, completely stunned, turning her head towards the ceiling as if she were talking to an above Being. "Please, tell me this didn't happen. Please tell me this is all a dream."_

_After a few moments of still staring at the ceiling and receiving no reply, Summer bounded back into the bedroom to check and see if Seth too had a ring on his left hand's ring finger. And just as Summer had worried, she lifted Seth's left hand up to reveal a gold ring band on his ring finger._

"_Seth!" Summer jolted Seth's arm, almost pulling it out of his socket. "Cohen, wake up! Seriously! Get your ass up, now!"_

_Seth groggily sat up, trying to decipher what Summer was yelling about, suddenly noticing his head wasn't too keen on the loud noises or sudden jolts. "Jesus, Summer. My head kills – can you get me some aspirin?"_

_Summer scoffed, "Please, that's the least of your worries right now, believe me."_

_Seth rubbed his temples, closing his eyes and lying back down. "What did I do now?"_

"_You married me," Summer replied casually, sitting back in an Indian-style position and crossing her arms over her chest._

_Seth sprung up, wide-eyed immediately. "What did you say?"_

"_You married me," Summer repeated and took Seth's left hand showing him the ring on it and then showing her own jewelry-clad hand. "You are my husband."_

_Seth locked eyes with Summer's and began to grin wildly as Summer's face scrunched up in confusion. "Why are you smiling?" Summer asked nervously._

"_Because we're married."_

"_We eloped. In Las Vegas. While we were drunk and now we don't remember it. And to top it all off, we're only twenty-one and still in college. How exactly is this looking appealing to you right now?"_

_Seth jumped off the bed, wearing only his boxers, and clapping his hands together as he stood up. "Summer – __**we're married**__!"_

"_How can you be excited about this?" Summer asked in astonishment. "Everyone's going to kill us! And besides that, we didn't even have a wedding! It was without flowers, or a dress, or a cake, or a honeymoon, or even people!"_

_Seth kneeled down on the bed, taking Summer's hands in his own. "Summer, if you want all that we can just keep this… umm… spontaneity… to ourselves and still plan another wedding with all that stuff. I don't care. But right now, you, Summer Roberts, are my wife. And I couldn't be any happier about that even if I tried."_

"_Good because you're being happy enough for the both of us," Summer muttered as she tore her hands away from Seth's and got off the bed, retrieving the aspirin she had abandoned a few minutes earlier._

"_Summer…"_

"_Look, it's just not what I imagined, okay? I'm glad it was with you and not some random ass Vegas impersonator but still… the first time I had the chance to call you my husband I wanted to be in a limo driving to our reception while I was still in my perfect wedding gown and you were looking adorable in a tux. I wanted to remember it. Seth, I don't remember anything from last night. And I certainly didn't wear a dress and you definitely didn't wear a tux." Summer downed the aspirin with some left over champagne sitting on the floor, trying to stop the tears from escaping her eyes._

_Seth quickly realized that maybe just being husband and wife wasn't the only factor that played into this happiness. He had never thought Summer had been one to plan her wedding day ever since she was a child, dreaming of her fantasy gown and beautiful service, but maybe she had. And maybe realizing she didn't get any of that was a bigger disappointment than Seth could have imagined._

_Seth rushed to the floor next to Summer just in time to catch her body in a close embrace before her tears flowed freely from her eyes and her body shook in sobs. "Shhh, baby," Seth told her. "We'll do anything to fix it so you can have your perfect day. Shhh… Come on, Summer. It will be all right. We can get it annulled if you want to."_

_Definitely the wrong thing to say to an already emotional Summer Roberts._

_Summer pulled away, staring coldly at Seth. "So the marriage instead looks like a failure? You want our marriage to be a failure, Seth?"_

"_Summer…" Seth gathered her face in his hands, leaning his forehead against her clammy one, "You know that's not it at all. I just want you to be happy. Whatever you want to do, I want to do, okay?" When he received no response, he held her gaze longer, staring intently into her eyes. "Okay, Sum?"_

_Summer nodded weakly, as she tilted her head up to leave a light kiss on his lips. "I'm sorry."_

"_What for?"_

"_For acting like this… it's stupid… I just… I don't know…" Summer sputtered._

"_Listen to me, Summer. This isn't stupid. It's important to you. And I love you. So it's definitely important to me too. We're in this together."_

_Summer gave him a faint smile before falling against his chest, letting his arms protectively enclose her body once again._

_Seth smiled down at her and after a few silent moments asked, "So… where's that aspirin?"_

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"Sweetie," Julie shook Summer's arm lightly while they were seated on the plane.

"Yes, Julie?" Summer asked, slightly annoyed as she leaned back, keeping her eyes tightly closed.

"I was just wondering if you would mind if we switched seats? I just hate the aisle and usually I'm seated next to Neil who let's me have the window -"

Summer sat upright, looking at Julie, interrupting her. "Sure. You can have the window seat."

Julie clapped her hands together and stood up excitedly, waiting for Summer to begrudgingly get up from her seat. Summer did so wearily, clearly still trying to recover from her earlier sobbing stint with Kaitlin back at her apartment. Kaitlin and Neil were seated across the aisle next to each other and Summer and Julie sat in their respective seats next to them.

A few minutes after Summer and Julie switched seats and Summer was attempting to fall back asleep, Julie nudged Summer awake once again, wanting to talk.

"Summer…" Julie whispered comfortingly. "You really didn't have to come back with us."

Summer felt her annoyance with Julie fading away rapidly when she realized the meaning of her statement – realizing she was talking about visiting Marissa's grave.

"Oh," Summer smiled slightly, "I always come back at this time of the year, Julie. I wanted to."

Summer could see Julie's eyes glistening with tears as she thought of her lost daughter. "That means a lot to me, Summer."

"_She_ meant a lot to me. Still means a lot to me," Summer replied.

Julie let the tears roll down her cheeks as she placed her left hand on Summer's right one, rubbing it soothingly. Summer felt her own cheeks begin to wet as she stared at Julie. Julie began to open her mouth and close it and open it again and close it again, almost seeming as if she couldn't decide whether or not to say something to Summer.

"What is it?" Summer finally asked.

"I just… I know you're not my real daughter, Summer, but I feel like you are. And I really hope you consider me like your mother when I say this…"

"Say what?" Summer wiped away her tears, intrigued.

"I want you to be happy, Summer," Julie spoke softly. "You deserve to be happy."

"I am happy," Summer told Julie, hiding the truth behind her bright smile. "Really, I am."

Julie shook her head solemnly, closing her eyes and leaning back into the head rest of the plane seat. "You're not, Summer. I can tell. And even though I'm not your mother, I feel like I have that mother-like quality invested in you enough to say that you need to start putting your life back together again. Stop wallowing. It's not healthy."

Summer felt her annoyance with Julie creep back again as she sensed the already overly talked about situation come up once again. "I'm not wallowing. I've just been stressed lately with finals, and graduation, and my apartment search in New York. It's been hectic and it's taken its toll on me."

Julie glanced back over, removing her hand and placing it back in her lap. "She would want you to be happy. She would want to see you _and_ Seth happy."

Summer couldn't figure out what to say back to her step-mother. She couldn't seem to formulate the right sentences and Julie noticed this, speaking once again, "I miss seeing Seth around," before falling into her soft slumber.

Summer sighed, looking forward at the television screen placed in the back of the seat that was positioned in front of her, whispering inaudibly to herself, "I miss him, too."


	5. The Four Year Anniversary

**Disclaimer: Nope.**

**A/N: I don't really have anything to say. Which is pretty shocking, right?**

**Read. Enjoy. Review.**

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Summer stepped out of her dad's black BMW that she borrowed for the night, overlooking the expanse of the cemetery. She hadn't meant to come so late in the evening when the sun was beginning to set, but with all the excitement surrounding a Newport Charity event earlier that evening, she wasn't able to escape any earlier.

As her tall black heels gave way through the soft grass, and her dark green dress swayed in the breeze, she squinted through the rows of tombstones, searching for her friend's familiar name.

Summer didn't, however, notice the other familiar friend standing only a few feet away.

"Summer…?" someone questioned quietly into the silent area. "That you?"

Summer looked up from the tombstones and stared in front of her. Her shocked face turned quickly into a smile as she beamed, walking faster to the voice's owner.

"Ryan!" Summer threw her arms around Ryan's shoulders tightly. "I haven't seen you in, like, forever!"

Ryan laughed, pulling away to look at Summer. "Yeah, it sure has felt like forever."

Summer beamed, looking away from Ryan, down at the tombstone. "Guess you've already found what I was looking for."

"Yeah… I got here about fifteen minutes ago," Ryan replied looking down at the tombstone as well. "Has it really been four years?"

Summer nodded solemnly, not realizing Ryan wasn't looking at her but at the tombstone, and then answered, "Yeah. It doesn't seem like it, does it?"

"Not at all," Ryan shook his head. "It still feels like yesterday when the four of us were having breakfast down at the pier." Ryan laughed lightly to himself. "God, that really _was_ so long ago."

"A lot has changed," Summer turned back towards Ryan, smiling sadly. "Nothing's the same as it used to be when she was here."

"That is true," Ryan stated, staring intently at the tombstone, knowing the double meaning of Summer's statement. He stood silent for a minute, waiting for Summer to say something in response but she didn't; she only stood there staring at the tombstone that had Marissa's name written on it. He didn't want to make her upset but he knew that since Seth already knew about Lana's pregnancy, she should probably know as well. Plus, what with Kirsten and Sandy jumping for joy at the news, it was bound to get to Julie's ears soon enough and Summer would be upset that neither Lana nor himself had told her first.

"So…" Ryan tried to start, but found a tough time trying to find the right words, "Umm… why are you all dressed up?"

Summer nodded her head, smiling falsely and motioning her hands in a fling down the length of her body, "Newport Charity function."

"Ahhh…" Ryan laughed. "Right. I can't say I miss those. One of the many perks of living in Berkeley."

"Neither did I. But Julie planned it so…" Summer trailed off.

"So you had to be there," Ryan finished for her.

"Exactly," Summer laughed. "So what's new with you? How was graduation?"

"Good," Ryan answered with wide eyes. "It was good. Everything's… you know…"

"Good?" Summer questioned, amused.

Ryan chuckled nervously, "Yeah… say, listen – Summer. I want to tell you something."

Summer's smile faltered as she listened intently to Ryan, fearing what he had to say to her. "Yeah? What about?"

"Lana and I… well, the other day… you see, Lana…"

"Spit it out, Ryan," Summer told him, nervously. "Is it bad?"

"No!" Ryan shouted quickly. "Not at all. Actually, it's good news… Lana's pregnant."

"What?" Summer stumbled backward, bringing a hand to her chest in surprise. "How? Since when?"

Ryan snorted, trying to make light of the delicate situation, "Well, I think you know how…"

"Right," Summer laughed uncomfortably. "I mean, since when?"

"Well we just found out a few days ago but we've been suspecting it for the past few months."

"Months? Seriously? Lana never mentioned it to me…" Summer trailed.

"She didn't want to tell anyone until she knew for sure."

"Yeah… or maybe you guys didn't think I could handle it."

"That's not it, Summer. That wasn't it at all."

"It's okay…" Summer smiled sadly, looking back at the tombstone. "It's understandable."

"Summer…"

Summer tilted her head down, changing the subject suddenly. "She'd be proud of you, Ryan."

Ryan glanced between Summer and Marissa's tombstone, knowing that the 'she' Summer had mentioned was indicating Marissa, giving Summer an escape to the direction the conversation had been heading. "Yeah…"

Summer looked up, tears glistening in her dark eyes while she smiled at Ryan. "No, really. She would. She always knew you were better than your 'fists of fury.'"

Ryan laughed, letting small, almost unnoticeable, tears well up in his eyes. "Thanks, Summer."

"Wow. So… You and Lana are gonna have a baby. When is it due?" Summer wiped away her escaping tears.

"In December."

"A Chrismukkah baby," Summer grinned. "I bet Seth's happy about that."

Ryan looked away from Summer, back at the tombstone to avoid Summer's gaze. "Yeah, he's happy."

Summer took a few moments before she approached the subject she had so wanted to ask about since the moment she saw Ryan standing at Marissa's grave. She then sighed heavily causing Ryan to look over at her in question, and launched forth. "Does he ever say anything about me?"

"Summer…"

"I know I shouldn't be asking," Summer began, heartfelt, "And I know I probably don't want to hear the answer. But I need to know, Ryan. Just because we're not together anymore doesn't mean I can just completely forget about him and stop caring."

Ryan sighed, giving in. "He doesn't like to talk about it."

"Why?"

"You know why."

Summer nodded somberly, keeping silent for a few moments before speaking to Ryan again, collapsing into tears. "I miss him, Ryan. I miss him so much. I feel like he died. It's like I lost my best friend all over again."

Ryan walked over to Summer, putting a hand comfortingly on her shoulder. "You'll be all right."

"That doesn't help me feel any better," Summer laughed sardonically, bringing a hand up to wipe away the stray tears.

"Right. Sorry. I'm not good at these things."

"It's okay," Summer attempted a smile. "I know this isn't exactly appropriate or whatever but do you mind if I have a few minutes alone here?"

"Of course," Ryan began to walk off. "I have to call Lana and check in anyway. I'll be back in five minutes."

"Thanks."

Ryan had already started walking away and then, suddenly, he turned back, telling Summer, "If it's any consolation, I know he's not as happy as he makes himself out to be."

Summer smiled, knowing Ryan was trying in the best way he could to make Summer feel better. "Tell Lana I said congratulations."

Ryan nodded, taking out his cell phone and walking away from the area to give Summer some privacy.

"So…" Summer initiated her talk with Marissa's grave with a heaving sigh, "I guess you heard all of that, huh? Ryan's gonna be a daddy. Wow… Daddy Atwood… You are proud of him, aren't you? I mean, in high school we all assumed you guys would eventually figure your shit out and end up together, but things didn't really turn out like anyone thought… I always thought you two were gonna be the ones to have the Atwood baby. I mean, Lana's a great girl. I'm really happy that Ryan found her. But it's just not the same sometimes. In high school, I saw you and Ryan and me and Seth and that was just it. Now there isn't even a 'me and Seth' and neither one of us died. We just ended. I don't know if you know that. I haven't told you because I haven't been back to Newport in awhile, but yeah… we're over. And I'm pretty sure it's for real this time. But I still love him – I think I always will – but he doesn't love me anymore. And I guess I understand that… after everything… but, God, Marissa… I just miss him. This wasn't how things were supposed to turn out. You dying and Seth leaving me… oh, God…" Summer fell to her knees, crying into her hands. "I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even have any desire for anything. Nothing. What kind of person feels like that? What kind of person am I?"

"Summer…?" Ryan's voice appeared again, as he fell to the ground next to her, enclosing her in his arms.

Summer heaved in uncontrollable sobs once again, leaning into Ryan's chest. "I want Marissa here. I want to talk to her so badly, Ryan. Why isn't she here right now? _Why_…?"

"I don't know, Summer," Ryan rubbed her back, trying to pull her up, "Come on – let's get going."

Summer squinted up at Ryan in the darkness, searching his eyes. "Do you miss her?"

"Every day," Ryan replied sincerely.

"Yeah… me too."

Ryan smiled half-heartedly, holding out his hand. "How about some dinner?"

Summer stood up fully, wiping her knees and composing herself, "That would be great. Thanks, Ryan."

"Not a problem," Ryan threw his arm around Summer's shoulders in a friendly manner, walking them both out of the cemetery towards their parked cars.

Summer sniffed and took a glance over her shoulder, back at Marissa's grave that still read: _Marissa Cooper 1988 -2006 Beloved daughter, sister, and friend_ and let another single tear slip for both all the sad things lost in the past four years and all the happy gains for the future.

_As everyone gathered in the Cohen's kitchen and living room area, welcoming each other and catching up, Summer was able to slip through the back doors and aimlessly make her way into the pool house, closing all of the blinds and leaving the lights off._

_How the hell had her entire world done a complete one-eighty in only a month?_

_Summer fell backwards onto Ryan's old bed, letting the small amount of light from the sunset increasingly decrease as she lay there, staring up at the ceiling while soft tears cascaded down her cheek._

_She had always been careful. Seth had always been careful. So how did she find herself questioning the state of her possible up-in-the-air future?_

_Summer couldn't believe she was still – technically – married to Seth and that they hadn't mentioned a word of it to anyone. Seth was never good at keeping secrets so when Summer had asked him not to tell anyone – including Ryan – Summer thought that only gave her three days, at max, to figure out how to go about handling the situation. But Seth shocked Summer, never telling a single soul about their drunken adventure to a chapel in Las Vegas, instead saying that since it was important to Summer not to tell anyone, then it was vital for him to hold up his end of the bargain._

_Things had been a bit rocky for both she and Seth for the past two weeks. Summer was trying to find a sense of peace with the realization that her dream wedding was never going to be fulfilled. Summer knew it was probably selfish of her to wallow in something like that especially when the whole point of having a wedding was to come out of it with a lasting marriage – and she and Seth sure had the marriage part down – but she still couldn't help but reel about her lost childhood fantasy. She also knew she had been making Seth feel guilty – like he somehow knew what they were doing that night – and she blew up on him occasionally for whatever reason she could find. Seth seemed to take it all in stride, saying Summer was stressed over the upcoming holidays and finals in their midst, and that things would be back to normal come January._

_Summer hadn't had her period since it ended on November 10__th__. Things didn't look like they were getting back to normal at all._

"_Hey," Lana entered the dark pool house. "There you are. We're about to have dinner – Seth and Ryan and I think even Sandy are having an interesting turn on the play station – very amusing." Lana laughed to herself and then suddenly noticed the overwhelming darkness. "What's with no lights? Trying to communicate with vampires?"_

_Summer couldn't respond and merely doubled over onto her side, curling up, racking her body in sobs._

"_Summer? What's wrong?" Lana rushed to her side, rubbing her back in comfort._

"_Seth and I are married," Summer choked out._

_Lana stopped rubbing her back and sat back. "What?"_

"_And I think I'm pregnant."_

_Summer resumed her choking tears as Lana sat there in disbelief, trying to take in Summer's few short sentences._


	6. The Peculiar Stick

**Disclaimer: Still a negative.**

**A/N: I'm heading off to New York City for about two weeks due to work and the holiday coming up so don't expect an update before then. Just a head's up.**

**As always – read, enjoy!, and review, please!**

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Summer was back in Providence within the next few days and was already cleaning out her entire apartment in an effort to pack things to move to her new apartment located in Brooklyn. Everything in it was disheveled, with boxes placed randomly throughout the entire apartment. Each time she packed up something new, she felt a pang of ache run through her body.

Everything in this apartment, including the apartment itself, was her last link to Seth.

Summer tried hard not to think of Ryan and Lana's future Chrismukkah baby. She tried not to think of California. She tried not to think of Seth.

She tried not to think of her past.

Her future was coming full-speed ahead and she had to be ready for it. She just had to.

It was the first time in months that Summer finally felt like her tears were gone. That nothing was worth crying over anymore and that her tear ducts had run themselves dry. Even when she stumbled over memories of her past life that had been unknowingly hidden away in random crevices of the apartment, she didn't shed a single tear. She just threw them into the box she had labeled 'The Past' and moved on.

It gave Summer a sense of confidence knowing that things were finally starting to shape up. That she was finally, really, starting to move on.

Summer was covered in sweat as she stood in her grungiest pajamas when there was a sudden knock at the door. She jumped in the midst of her blaring stereo to the loud bangs on the front door and quickly rushed to turn the music down and answer the door.

"Matt," Summer smiled. "Hey, I'm glad you came."

"No problem," Matt, her old roommate from New York that was now one of her closest friends, stepped into the apartment, trying to find a walkway through the crowds of boxes. "Wow. You really do have a lot of stuff in here, huh?"

Summer laughed, wiping her bangs that were stuck to her forehead away with the back of her hand. "Oh, yeah. Thanks for letting me use your truck, by the way."

"Again, not a problem. But I really don't see how you're gonna fit this all on my truck. Or in a New York apartment for that matter," Matt told her, still scanning the living room with a horrified face.

"Well, I hired a U-Haul as well. And as for the apartment – it will all fit. I measured it."

"Measured what?" Matt turned to face Summer.

"The apartment," Summer smiled, packing some random tapes into a box, "I asked the landlord of the apartment in Brooklyn what both of the rooms' measurements were. At first he thought I was gonna back out of the deal if he told me the measurements and I didn't like them but I was able to convince him that I only wanted them for purely packing reasons."

"You're nuts," Matt laughed, leaning against the wall.

Summer shrugged her shoulders and continued explaining her story to Matt. "Well, anyway – I took down the measurements and during finals I rearranged things around here to the precise measurements of the apartment in Brooklyn so I know for sure what I had room for."

"Seriously, Summer?" Matt gasped. "You had _that_ much time on your hands during finals?"

"Yeah, finals weren't bad for me this semester. And I needed something to do to occupy my time."

"You couldn't have gone out celebrating like all the rest of the seniors in our class did?" Matt asked shocked.

"I could have," Summer stood up from all of the boxes, making eye contact with Matt. "But that would have been counter-productive."

"_Counter-productive_?" Matt chuckled. "Summer, we're only twenty-two years old. We're graduating college students! Not sixty-five year old retirees."

"And that's exactly why we should be acting more responsible! We're starting our careers, like, _right now_ and we need to be more in charge of our time and money. I shouldn't be out there getting drunk at bars while some sleazy guy tries to get me to go back to his place." Summer stood there, lecturing Matt, flicking her wrist off into the thin air. "I've worked too hard to slip into the super-senior mode where I spend all my time wishing for my college years back."

Matt rolled his eyes, mumbling to himself sarcastically, "Right. Cause spending all your time wishing for Seth back is _so_ much more responsible."

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"An eye roll and under-the-breath comments are not nothing," Summer placed her hands on her hips.

Matt pushed himself off of the wall, walking towards Summer. "I just don't get how suddenly you're this completely responsible adult when just last time I talked to you, you sounded like you wanted to crawl up into a ball and die because you refused to believe you had anything to live for."

"I did _not_ sound like that," Summer scoffed. "That's a _huge_ exaggeration."

"Barely," Matt replied. "Face it. All of this mumbo-jumbo you're talking about is just your next step in the grieving process. And frankly, I'm glad."

"Nobody died, Matt."

"You're right. Nobody did die. And yet, you've still been crying and wallowing for the past four months like you're some soldier's widow. So if being all 'responsible,'" Matt used air-quotes, "is your next step in the grieving process then who am I to complain?"

Summer opened her mouth to reply, but instead shook her head and closed her eyes, sighing. "Whatever. Let's start moving some of these boxes out."

"Sounds like a good plan to me," Matt agreed, stepping over a few boxes, "So which box do you want me to carry to the truck?"

Summer, who was still digesting what Matt had said to her seconds earlier, flung her arm in the direction of one random box that was sitting on the floor next to where the TV used to be, "That one."

Matt looked down at the box and bent down, picking it up. The top hadn't been folded down and he couldn't help but glance at the contents that were located inside. At first he only noticed picture frames that held pictures of past friends – including one he knew was of Summer's deceased best friend, Marissa. And then he started noticing things like random pieces of paper that were folded over that had Summer's name scribbled in messy handwriting on the top, or jewelry boxes, or a dirty t-shirt that looked like it had belonged to a guy rather than a girl – Matt had guessed it had probably been Seth's.

Suddenly, just as Matt was about to place it down on the coffee table to fold the top of the box down, he noticed something peculiar that instantly caught his eye. He stood over it for a moment, looking between the object and then back at Summer who was folding over and picking up her own box.

Matt finally gathered the courage and swallowed the growing lump in his throat as he reached for the questionable object.

"What's this thing?" Matt questioned meekly, picking up a zip-lock bag with a stick-like object zipped inside.

Summer's head turned and her eyes immediately bulged out of her head, dropping her own box that she was carrying and raced over to the box Matt held in his arms. "Actually, I think I'll take this one." Summer grabbed the box and the zip-lock bag from Matt and continued out the door.

"Is that…" Matt trailed off in shock, "Was that…?"

"No," Summer answered shortly.

"Summer," Matt caught up to Summer, resting his hand on her arm, stopping her. "Are you pregnant?"

Summer took a deep breath and turned her head back towards Matt. "Matt…"

"Summer…" Matt replied sternly. "Tell me."

"_Okay, here's the test." Lana walked into the small half bathroom on the Cohen's first floor early the next morning before everyone was awake and handed the pregnancy test to Summer._

_Summer tore her head away from the toilet and looked up to Lana sadly as she took the small box away from her. "Thanks." Summer flushed the toilet and then put the cover down, sitting on the seat. "This really isn't how I planned this," Summer mumbled more to herself than to Lana, but Lana replied anyway._

"_I know it's not, but things like this happen. And it's not a horrible thing, you know? It's a baby. With Seth."_

"_I'm twenty-one. I'm still in college. I was just getting used to the idea of having a husband and now I have to start reading up on maternity and pregnancy dos and don'ts along with all of my journalism class lecture notes?"_

"_Summer," Lana sat on the floor, staring up at her best friend, "You haven't even taken the test yet. Don't jump to conclusions."_

"_I haven't had my period in almost two months. I'm throwing up in the toilet at four am. I feel like that's enough evidence," Summer scoffed._

"_Even if it is, it's a __**baby**__," Lana rested her hands on Summer's knees. "Your baby. That's exciting."_

_Summer rolled her eyes in response and began opening the box. "Yeah, well… I'm just gonna take this right now so…"_

_Lana nodded her head and stood up, exiting the bathroom and closing the door quietly behind her. A voice startled her as she turned around._

"_Hey."_

_Lana jumped and noticed Seth wearing a dark blue bathrobe. "Oh, hey Seth."_

"_What're you doing up? Do you know where Summer is?"_

"_Yeah, she's not feeling too great so I was just helping her out."_

_Seth's face full of concern was visible through the dim moonlight drifting into the hallway. "She's sick?" Seth began making his way towards the bathroom door as Lana tugged at his arm._

"_It's contagious."_

"_You were just in there."_

"_But I already had it so chances are slim I won't get it again."_

"_Well, I don't really care if it's contagious or not so -"_

_Before Seth could open the door himself, a messy-haired and flushed-faced Summer opened the door ajar, just enough to let her head and one hand appear._

"_It's okay, Seth. I'm just gonna finish up in here and I'll be back upstairs."_

"_Finish up what?"_

_Summer gulped as she fished for a quick excuse. "You know, clean up a bit. Brush my teeth."_

"_Your toothbrush is upstairs in my bathroom."_

_Sometimes Summer really hated that Seth never let anything go._

"_Cohen, please. I'll be up in a few minutes."_

_Seth sighed, only mildly content with her answer, and nodded at both Summer and Lana as he trudged unwillingly back up the stairs._

_Summer sighed after seeing Seth's body disappear from view and opened the door wider to let Lana in. Lana and Summer both looked down at the stick, waiting impatiently for any sort of news. Finally something came and Lana picked up the instructions to help decipher the lines as Summer took a deep breath, falling back onto the covered toilet seat._

"_Well," Lana spoke up after examining the instructions and the stick and then handing them to Summer so she could decipher them herself, "I'd say telling Seth is next on your Chrismukkah agenda."_

"No," Summer shook herself of her thoughts, returning back to her conversation with Matt. "No, I'm not. I promise."

Matt nodded slowly, releasing his hand from Summer's shoulder. "Okay… Well… were you? Like before?"

"Before when? Before when I was with Seth?" Summer asked hotly.

"Don't get mad. It's an obvious question, don't you think? Cause, I mean, that would explain what happened between you and Seth since you never really told anyone around here why you guys broke up in the first place. Getting pregnant sure seems like a justifiable reason as to why you guys couldn't work things out…"

Summer shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes, as she turned to release the box into the truck. She stood upright once again and rubbed her hands together as if to rid the nonexistent dirt from them. "It's from the past. That's why it's in this box. And it's staying there. In this box _and_ in the past."

"Summer, come on…" Matt tried.

"Either you can badger me with more questions to get me all riled up and go completely rage blackout on your ass or you can finish helping me load this truck. What's it gonna be?" Summer stood with her hands on her hips. "Hmm?"

Matt sighed, loudly, trudging himself up towards Summer reluctantly. "What box do you want me to take next?"


	7. The Real Reason

**Disclaimer: The simple fact is that I'm not Josh Schwartz. Which kind of sucks really, when you think about it, because I could have totally saved the show.**

**A/N: So I've been MIA for a little while – I was in New York and then I come back to DC with more problems than I want to handle – so it might be a little while longer until I can get back to regularly updating and replying to all of your reviews. I am a horrible person, I know. Just don't give up on me! Or my story! I know it's taking awhile for some SS interaction, but that's kind of what I do (anyone remember "Doubts and Insecurities"??) and I promise there will be some soon. Or eventually. Well, okay, I promise there will be some and this story will not end on a sour note. (Even I'm not that evil.) So bear with me please – both with my story and my less-than-regular updates.**

**And please review. It kind of means the world to me right now.**

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"Dude," Seth rolled his eyes into his phone, "Is a whole entire week completely necessary?"

Ryan snorted, "Apparently."

"That's ridiculous!"

"Hey, I know that. But Lana's very determined on this one. She wants everyone she cares about to be up here for a week. Not four days, not even _six_ days – a week," Ryan replied.

"Can't I say I have work?" Seth tried to plead with his brother.

"You're not gonna come at all? That's really low, Seth."

Seth sighed heavily into the phone. "No. Of course I'm gonna come. It wouldn't be fulfilling my uncle duties if I didn't come to your baby's… shower… _thing_… But I mean, can't I say that I have work so I can't stay for a whole week? I'm only a graduate after all. They won't just give me time off as I please."

"Lana's already thought of that," Ryan told him. "She knew bosses would probably reason with that logic so that's why she figured if we planned this a month in advance everyone would be able to get it off."

"And – rhetorically, of course – what happens if I can't get all that time off?" Seth's hope rose.

"_Rhetorically_," Ryan answered sternly, "She already came up with the ingenious plan that she'd pull the pregnant plea and call your boss for you and make sure you have the entire week off."

"So essentially I'm coming to Berkeley from June 21st to the 28th whether I like it or not?"

"Pack your bags, buddy."

"Yeah, yeah…" Seth trailed off. "I'll talk to you later then."

"Call me when you've booked your flight. I'll make sure I take the time off work to come pick you up," Ryan said.

"Sure thing," Seth replied unhappily. "See you next month."

Seth hung up his phone and stood in Nick's apartment's doorway. The apartment always looked like a party had occurred the night before and even though Seth had never been the cleanest person, he felt like he had been living in a huge pile of filth since January.

"Nick!" Seth called out into the apartment, kicking plastic bottles and scraps of paper out of the way with his feet. "You around?"

"In my bedroom!" Nick shouted back. "And some hott girl from your school just left so the coast is clear!"

Seth walked towards Nick's bedroom, still shuffling things around on the floor with his feet. "Dude, you really need to clean this place up a bit. It's no wonder the girls aren't staying into the morning."

"That's exactly why I don't pick this shit up," Nick stood up, walking passed Seth and into the bathroom, "I don't want any one-night stands thinking they're gonna castrate me into a relationship."

"I don't think castrate was the right word," Seth mumbled back.

"Oh, _believe me_," Nick turned around to look at Seth before shutting the bathroom door, "It was."

Seth rolled his eyes and began shouting through the door, "So, you're not busy today, right?"

"Depends on what you want me to do," Nick yelled back.

"I need help moving."

Nick immediately whipped the door back open. "That's today?"

"Yeah, the other owners moved out last week and the landlord called me saying that I could move in starting yesterday. But since I was working and today I wasn't, I figured I'd get my full rent's worth. Plus," Seth added in, "I can only live in a dump for so long."

"Hilarious, dude," Nick deadpanned.

"I thought so," Seth laughed, "You gonna help? I just have to pack up my few boxes and move them out. It's not like I came here with a lot of stuff anyway."

"True. Yeah, all right. I'll help. But only because I want you out of this apartment finally. Three months is three too long. You living on the pull-out couch is really starting to turn away the ladies," Nick smirked.

"Uh huh…" Seth laughed, walking away as Nick trailed behind him. "I really don't think that's what's scaring them off."

"That's what you seem to think," Nick muttered just as Seth's phone began to ring.

Seth looked at the caller-id before answering. "Hey… What?... Well, can you give me a few hours? I'm moving apartments today… Mom… No, I know it's important… Of course, I'm coming… Why does it need to be done today?... Ryan told me I could do it in a few days… How is that stressful?... Fine… Yeah… Okay, I'll have the tickets ordered by tonight… Love you, too… Bye." Seth grunted as he flipped close his phone.

"What tickets?" Nick inquired, throwing some of Seth's loose possessions into a box.

"My flight tickets to Berkeley," Seth answered and continued when he saw Nick's raised eyebrows. "Lana's pregnant so she insists on having this one week of baby shower festivities or something. And apparently she wants everyone invited to book their tickets immediately so they can have a 'head count,'" Seth held up his fingers to indicate air-quotes.

"Lana's pregnant? Since when?" Nick asked, stunned.

"Umm… I think she's a few months along. I don't really remember," Seth tried to shrug it off.

"Jeez," Nick muttered, kneeling down to the ground. "Everyone's getting pregnant these days."

"Everyone?"

"Yeah – well, first there was your whole ordeal that we will not mention -"

"Right," Seth sighed, gathering some of his possessions and placing them into an empty box.

"- And there's Ryan and Lana, Lisa and Jake…"

"Lisa's pregnant?" Seth sat shocked. "Wait, what? She was just drinking with us, like, a week ago!"

"Yeah, she just found out last night. She called here wanting to tell us both but you weren't around so she told me to tell you. Consider yourself told."

"But she was drinking… you sure she's pregnant?" Seth inquired further.

"Her doctor seems to think so. Apparently a few drinks here and there is okay. I mean, if you're talking about at last week's graduation party then you have to admit she wasn't really pounding down the drinks."

Seth nodded wordlessly as he continued packing up his things, digesting the new information. It really did seem like everyone was getting pregnant. Granted in reality it was only a few people, but Seth still felt like all these people surrounding him were so happy and here he was only pretending. He wanted something momentous to happen to him that would make him forget his troubles that still clouded his mind four months later.

Seth Cohen would give anything to have either one of two things: his old life back or his mind erased.

Either way, Seth concluded, he wouldn't feel so numb inside while everyone else shared in the natural joys of growing older.

Seth was shaken from his thoughts as Nick cleared his throat loudly, grabbing Seth's attention. He lifted something oddly familiar up with his left hand from behind a box and looked towards Seth.

"You… umm… still want this thing?" Nick held up a small, light green baby outfit apprehensively that Seth had remembered packing away when he moved in with Nick that past January.

"No," Seth answered shortly after settling his eyes on the apparel. "What's the point in me keeping it?"

"For a future child you're eventually gonna have…?" Nick probed.

Seth stood still for a moment, staring blankly at the tiny baby outfit Nick still held in his hands. He didn't understand why he felt so much anger towards the tiny, inanimate object that was light green and comfortably fuzzy all over. He didn't understand and he didn't even know why he still had it in Nick's apartment. All he wanted was for it to be burned from his memory. Burned in this very spot with flames and smoke engulfing it.

Seth took a deep breath and turned back to filling his box with clothing.

"Seth…?" Nick prodded quietly.

Seth looked up with an icy glaze in his eyes. "I don't want any children."

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_The last couple of days spent in Newport for the holidays were pretty uneventful and extremely exhausting for Seth. Summer had been acting more distant than usual and it was becoming routine for her to walk away the instant she and Seth had a moment alone. Lana was continually at her side and Summer even chose a few nights to spend in the guest room with her, saying that nothing was wrong, but that she hadn't been able to spend time with Lana in awhile and she just wanted some quality girl-time._

"_Furthermore," Summer stated, "I don't want your parents thinking we're doing it in their house. That's kind of gross."_

_Seth was pretty sure he hadn't even kissed Summer in front of his family the entire time they'd been there because of Summer's lack of staying close to him._

"_**Furthermore**__," Seth had imitated Summer, "It's not like they don't think we're 'doing it' already. We do live in an apartment together."_

_Summer had then sighed and walked into the pool house, shutting the door on Seth's irritated face._

_Seth really couldn't figure out Summer's actions as of late. Sure, maybe this was all part of Summer's idea of keeping things about their Vegas marriage under wraps but it was concerning more people in the household rather than throwing them off their scent._

_Kirsten had already asked Seth numerous times if he and Summer were having problems. Sandy had probed Seth if something was wrong with their sex life. And Ryan – Mr. Don't-get-me-involved-in-your-problems – asked Seth if he had pissed off Summer lately. Seth at least was able to give them all an honest and earnest answer: "I don't even know."_

_Seth was beyond shocked when Summer asked him if she could talk to him while he was in the middle of playing an important round of play station, causing him to lose his train of thought and let his video game character die in the process._

"_I… uhh… sure." Seth stood up curiously, sending a raised eyebrow in Ryan's direction, following Summer into his old room._

"_Look, we need to talk," Summer began as soon as Seth shut the door._

_Seth sat on his bed impulsively, staring wide-eyed at Summer. "No good sentence starts off with those words so how about we ignore you said them and let me start talking first?" As Summer opened her mouth to protest, Seth ignored her and began rambling. "I know things have been… __**weird**__… with us since Las Vegas but seriously, it's nothing we can't work through. We're stronger than that and I can't lose you over any of this. I know you're angry at me for what happened… or whatever other reason… and I don't want you to be. We can fix all of this. Seriously. You name it and I'll fix it. I'll do whatever you want, Summer. If you wanna have another wedding on top of it, awesome. If you wanna get it annulled and start over, great. If you want to tell people that we're married and let them all freak out accordingly, that's fine by me too. But you can't keep ignoring me like this. We're in this together, you know, and we can't -"_

_Summer interjected his rambling speech. "Seth, stop."_

_Seth took a deep breath before replying. "I'm just trying to make things easier and less… weird…"_

"_I know that and I really need you to just hear me out."_

"_Oh. All right... Okay then…"_

_Summer sat down on the bed next to him, turning towards his worried face. "Everything's happened so fast lately. And I'm trying to keep up with it all. But it's becoming really difficult as new…" Summer searched for the right word, "situations… come up."_

"_Don't break up with me," Seth joked nervously. "Or divorce me. That would be just as bad too."_

"_Cohen, listen, okay?" Seth nodded timidly as Summer continued. "It's not just the Vegas thing. And it's not just about not being able to have a real wedding. Or not being able to tell people that you're my husband without them – as you so nicely put it – 'freaking out.' Finals have been happening too and keeping a huge secret like this one has really been difficult. And… my body… it was like… acting weird. I thought it was just stress but then I started getting sick and… well, I just didn't know what was going on."_

"_You're okay, right?" Seth interrupted, concern appearing across his face. "You're not sick or anything, are you, Sum?"_

_Summer shook her head, "No, Seth, I'm not sick… per say."_

"_Per say? You mean something __**is**__ wrong?"_

_Summer nodded weakly, turning her gaze down to her feet. "Seth, I'm pregnant."_

_Seth and Summer both sat in silence for a few moments and just as Summer was about to lift her head to glance at Seth's face, Seth instantaneously wrapped his arms around Summer, surprising her with his happy embrace. "Summer, that's amazing!"_

"_Amazing?"_

"_Yeah!" Seth pulled away, standing up in front of Summer, pulling her up with him and twirling her around. "Summer, we're gonna be parents! You and me! Together!"_

_As Seth let Summer down, tears began forming in her eyes and Seth cupped her face. "Aw, baby… I know it's scary and completely nerve-wracking but we can do it."_

"_This isn't how I planned on this happening."_

"_That's the exciting part!"_

"_Yeah, that's what you said about Vegas," Summer scoffed._

"_Why are you so upset about this?"_

_Summer tore her face away from Seth's hands and began walking towards the door. "I just… I don't know… Seth, this isn't what I wanted right now."_

_Summer opened the door and walked out, leaving a heartbroken Seth staring dumbfounded in her wake._


	8. The Fictional New York Times Bestseller

**Disclaimer: Nope.**

**A/N: If it weren't for the fact that I've gotten completely sick of all the drama enfolding in my life right now, this chapter wouldn't be up so soon. Writing seemed like my way out for the time being but it's looking like I won't have time to even avoid my drama through writing within the next few days. But at least I did get this chapter up before then!**

**Also, there were a lot less reviews on the last one. I know it hasn't been that long since I updated and that it is summer in most places so people are vacationing, but I need to know – do you guys want me to continue with this? I understand it's difficult to read with me keeping Seth and Summer apart for so many chapters, but it's just what I have to do. I'm sorry. And I can't change that. So if you don't want me to continue with it, just let me know. I'll just write it for myself and try and post something different if that's what's gonna work out better. I might even just take a break because, like previously stated, I have a lot going on in my life right now and if I don't have you guys' support on this story – what's the point in me writing and posting it?**

**Just let me know. Please.**

**Thanks to those who have been reviewing – it is more appreciated than you may ever know.**

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It didn't take long for Summer to get situated with her new life in New York. Her job was already working out fantastic and they easily granted her the week off to be in Berkeley for Lana's shower. Her apartment was pretty decent – much nicer than the one she had occupied the previous summer with Matt – and a neighbor who lived a floor up, Kyle, had become a fast friend. Kyle was cute – brown hair, green eyes, with a touch of the college beer gut still lingering on his twenty-six year old body – and she knew he was interested. They had already gone out on a few coffee shop dates but Summer had told Kyle all about her dating excursions (or lack thereof) and claimed she was still recovering from her last relationship. Which, truth be told, she definitely was even though she was trying to hide that fact from everyone else in her life. Kyle was very understanding and claimed only to be looking for friendship, but Summer knew differently when Kyle's hugs would linger longer than normal or his eyes would light up at the sound of Summer's agreement to meet him for dinner or a movie.

Two days before Summer was to go to Berkeley, she had a fit of past memories come flooding to her senses and she immediately raced up to Kyle's apatment in search of comfort. Kyle welcomed her with open arms and let her cry it all out before Summer forced her mind to overcome her heart and launched herself towards Kyle's lips. Kyle reacted willingly and let his hands wander as Summer intensified the make out. It wasn't until things were getting heated and clothes were being discarded, that Summer's phone went off. Summer shot up, gasping for air, searching for her phone and looking at the caller-id for the missed call. It had been Kirsten Cohen and this information threw Summer into another fit of cries as she gathered her clothes, putting them on, and telling Kyle she was sorry – that she just wasn't as ready as she thought she was. Kyle merely nodded – clearly still recovering from the unexpected events – and watched on awkwardly as Summer let herself out.

Kyle had come down to Summer's apartment the day she was leaving for Berkeley, due to the fact that he had already offered her a ride to the JFK airport two weeks prior, and he apologized for how he had reacted. He admitted that he had been wanting to kiss Summer since their first trip to the coffee shop together but had thought it was inappropriate and after Summer had told him about Seth, he just laid off. But when Summer had appeared at his apartment two nights ago, he said he couldn't help it and he understood if Summer didn't reciprocate the feelings. Summer told him, while they were driving through the borough, that even though she wasn't ready that night to progress further, it didn't mean it was completely out of the question for the future. That she just needed time to come to terms with everything before she could even think about being in a relationship again. Kyle happily agreed with her and after retrieving her bags and setting them at Terminal A's sidewalk, he kissed her lightly on the lips, telling her that they could talk about things when she got back from California. Summer nodded contently and for the first time in a long time she actually felt like her life was good again.

And then, as she walked through the automatic glass doors into the crowds of people, she remembered where she was. And where she was going. And what she was going for.

And who she was inevitably going to have to see.

And that peak, transitional feeling flew away just as quickly as it had come.

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"Summer!" A shrill voice cried in the sea of unfamiliar faces. "Summer Roberts! Over here!"

Summer smiled as she twisted her head, trying to get a steady hold on her bags. "Lana!"

Lana raced up to her best friend with tears already streaking down her face, enveloping her in a tight hug. "Oh my God! I've missed you so much!" Lana tore away from Summer's body, holding her shoulders at arms' length. "Why don't you just move back to California? I'm sure there are plenty of journalism jobs you can get out here and then we can see each other more than four times a year."

"Miss me? You saw me, like, a month and a half ago. That's a lot less time apart than we're usually used to," Summer smirked.

Lana ignored Summer's comment, continuing on with her genius idea for her best friend to move back out to California. "You have to move back here. New York's no California, I'm sure of it."

Summer rolled her eyes, humoring her best friend, "I would love that but you know I can't. My job in New York is amazing. I can't pass that up."

"I know, I know," Lana hugged her again. "I'm just being over-dramatic. And I guess I kind of miss you."

"Really? I couldn't tell," Summer laughed. "And I miss you, too. But I'm here and look at you – you already have that pregnant glow! And your stomach!" Summer put her hand lightly on Lana's stomach. "It's starting to show!"

"No, it's not," Lana laughed.

"Okay, so it's not but I'm here for a baby shower so I wanted to see a bump!"

"Yeah, well, the longer I have my figure, the happier I'll be," Lana smiled. "Come on; let's go back to the apartment. Ryan's excited to see you. You guys haven't seen each other in, what? Six months?"

Summer never mentioned to Lana that she had been back in California last month to visit Marissa's grave and apparently Ryan hadn't either. She didn't know why but she decided to agree with Lana's statement. "Yeah… about six months."

Lana didn't listen to Summer's reply as she stepped into her car. Summer placed her suitcase in the truck, letting Lana rant on and on about the current goings-on in the lives of Summer's favorite and most missed California residents as Summer's thoughts traced back to her life before.

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Ryan had given up his sleeping spot on the bed for Summer for the time she was staying in their apartment. Both Lana and Summer had been excited – getting all girly about a slumber party – and Ryan had simply groaned, gathering his stuff to settle in on the couch.

Summer and Lana had stayed up fairly late the first night, gossiping like they were teenagers about their lives and other people's lives. Summer had told Lana all about life in New York this time around – including Kyle. Lana had been shocked but wished Summer all the best. Summer squealed happily, hiding her disappointment that Lana hadn't mentioned anything about Seth maybe being upset when he'd inevitably hear about it or him missing her and wanting to work things out.

Lana had described her extreme hormones to Summer as Summer listened intently. Lana asked Summer if she was okay – if she was comfortable hearing about everything. Summer nodded enthusiastically, claiming she couldn't be happier for her friend. Lana had fallen asleep soon afterward, but Summer lay awake staring at the ceiling, unable to stop her wandering thoughts.

It was no surprise that when Summer finally woke up the next day, at nearly noon, that Lana was no longer in the room. Summer got out of bed, walking out of the room and down the hall to see Lana watching some TV. Before Summer got too close and before Lana heard her, Summer saw the program playing on the television. It was a show that chronicled the first pregnancy of a happy couple and showed all the trials and tribulations they had to go through to prepare for their first child. Summer sighed lightly, walking towards the couch, sitting down as Lana scrambled to change the channel.

"Hey, Summer," Lana sat up, brightly, "How did you sleep?"

"You don't have to change that," Summer ignored Lana's question, pointing at the TV.

"Oh," Lana's smile faltered, "No, it's all right. I was just channel surfing."

Summer laughed, giving her friend a raised eyebrow. "You mean you weren't just watching a pregnancy story show trying to get tips?"

Lana opened to her mouth to refute Summer's truthful accusation but found no words were coming to her.

"It's okay, Lana," Summer put her hand on Lana's hand. "I don't have a problem watching it. Really."

"But there are plenty of other things on. Like…," Lana surfed through the channels, "Umm… the news…"

Summer laughed, talking the remote from Lana. "What channel was that baby show on?"

"I don't remember," Lana lied.

"Lana…"

"Thirty-six," Lana gave in.

Summer pressed the numbers on the remote as the TV screen lit up with a happy couple setting up a baby crib in a lightly tinted green room.

"We really don't have to watch this," Lana told Summer comfortingly. "We can put in a movie or something. Or get ready and go shopping downtown."

"Seriously, it's okay. I'm used to it." When Lana sent Summer a questioning look, Summer continued on. "Well, I used to be. Seth used to watch these types of shows, back… you know…"

"Did you… umm… watch them too?"

"No. I wasn't really interested in them," Summer answered Lana honestly.

"I don't -" Lana began but Summer looked over at her, smiling, and interrupting her mid-sentence.

"Oh, look," Summer pointed at the screen, "They're having a baby boy! How adorable!"

Lana sighed, leaning back into the couch, watching the TV screen as Summer attempted to do the same, fighting off the flashback that was creeping to her mind as the people on the TV got ready for one last doctor's visit before the baby's arrival.

"_Ready, Sum?" Seth shouted towards their apartment bathroom as Summer busied herself with make-up._

"_Almost," Summer replied faintly, staring at her gloomy reflection in the mirror. Summer wasn't ready. She wasn't ready for graduation or for starting her career, or for becoming a wife, let alone becoming a mother. She didn't even know how to be a good mother, growing up for such a long time without a stable role model. Summer knew she had Kirsten to turn to for help but it still worried her. If she ruined the child or did anything wrong by it, Summer would be the one to blame. And her child would hate her. And Summer couldn't stand knowing her child would have that hateful feeling towards her like Summer had towards her own mother._

_Seth was thrilled. He was happy and joyful and wanted to tell everyone in the world that he was going to be a father._

_Summer had nipped that last thought in the bud, tugging on Seth's arm back in Newport telling him she wanted to keep the pregnancy quiet for a little while. Seth sadly obliged but still worn a grin on his face whenever he looked at Summer – especially her stomach area._

_As soon as they had gotten back to Providence, Seth and Summer had arranged to have a doctor's exam to make sure Summer was indeed pregnant and she certainly passed that test with flying colors. On January 4__th__, 2010, Summer was confirmed five weeks pregnant. Making one of the nights in Vegas the night of conception._

_Yeah, that trip to Vegas was definitely more than she had bargained for._

_Now, Seth was becoming more gung-ho as each day progressed and Summer was attending her first pregnancy exam. Everything was just happening at such a fast pace that she was having a hard time keeping up with it all._

_Seth and her had started reevaluating their future – especially their career and lifestyle goals. Seth didn't think they could possibly raise a baby in New York City so Summer taking the job she was offered was faintly looming as a distant memory. Summer had no job prospects still in Providence, but Seth did, so he suggested they just stay there and work, as well as attend graduate school. The baby was due in the middle of August so Seth thought they could graduate and then he could start a job, while Summer took summer classes in order to make herself more appealing when applying for a full-time career job a couple months after the baby arrived – Seth had suggested she could start working that following January._

_Summer wasn't prepared for this. She wanted to start a career with the magazine that offered her an excellent opportunity in New York City. She wanted to move there with Seth and live carelessly as twenty-somethings, doing everything on a whim. She wanted to be able to go out to a bar when she wanted to, or have sex in the middle of the afternoon on the kitchen floor. She wanted the freedom to be young and didn't want to spend her twenty-second birthday either breast-feeding or changing diapers. She wasn't ready for that type of responsibility yet._

_Summer wanted to wait a few years, have a good amount of money saved away, have the option of buying a house with Seth, plan a proper wedding, and then try for a baby._

_Everything was backwards. And happening much too fast._

"_Summer," Seth knocked on the door. "Your appointment is in fifteen minutes."_

"_I'll be right out. Go wait in the car for me."_

_Summer heard Seth walk to the front door, open it and then close it, as Summer once again focused on her sad reflection in the mirror._

"_Come on, Summer," she told herself. "Pretend you're happy. Pretend you really want this."_

"Sum…?" Lana probed Summer, nudging her softly in her arm.

"You know," Summer started, "This reminds me of one of my ultrasound visits."

Lana didn't know what to say so she simply stayed silent as she waited for Summer to continue.

"It was sometime in January and I just really remember staring at myself in the bathroom mirror wondering what was happening and how my life had completely changed with the appearance of some pink lines on some random stupid stick. I couldn't picture anything. Like it was some big, black hellhole that was consuming my every thought. I remember thinking that I was maybe having some kind of out-of-body experience and that everything that was happening was just some surreal movie I was watching. Or a dream I couldn't wake up from. It was the scariest thing in my life. The scariest feeling I've ever felt."

"I know, Sum. You don't have to explain anything," Lana tried to comfort her. "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to."

Summer nodded her head, slowly at first and then a little faster, turning towards Lana. "Yes… yes, I do."

"Why?"

"I don't even know. But I need to get it out."

"What do you mean?"

Summer sat back; almost baffled at the new state she had taken up. "I haven't told anyone any of this before. I've kept it held in, dealing with it through bouts of hysterical crying and lots of fattening ice cream." Summer turned back towards Lana, "That's nuts, right? That's insane! People talk about their problems. People talk about this kind of stuff. _Girls_ talk about this kind of stuff! It's, like, built in our DNA for God's sakes!"

"You never talked to Seth about it?"

Summer shook her head swiftly, "No. Not really, at least… You know what's even weirder?" Summer asked Lana rhetorically, but Lana shook her head anyway. "December and January seem like this huge, long dream to me. Actually – you know what? Everything up till now seems like some dream. My whole life is just like this pretend world I've been living in. A fictional,_ New York Times _bestseller novel, even."

"I… I…," Lana stuttered, "I don't even know what to say."

Summer sat back again, crossing her arms over her chest, staring back at the TV screen blankly. "You know what? Me neither."

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**P.S. Sorry this was so sucky and a little out of place.**


	9. The Girlfriend of Gabe

**Disclaimer: I was trying to come up with some witty one-liner remark for this this time around and I came up with nothing. So, instead – "The OC" does not belong to me.**

**A/N: I do appreciate the assuring reviews. I was in a pretty bad place when I posted the last chapter and everything just seemed like a big, colossal mess but you guys helped. So thanks.**

**I've already started writing the next chapter because I'm so flipping excited. And I think you guys will be too. So read, enjoy, and review and hopefully that chapter will be up sometime soon!!**

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"Seth, dude," Nick buttoned up his work shirt as he began to leave, noticing Seth lying lazily on the couch in his bathroom, "Don't you have to get ready for work?"

"No," Seth mumbled.

"No? Why not?"

"Because I'm supposed to be in California right now."

"Oh, right," Nick dawned on realization, and then scrunched up his face in confusion. "Wait, then why aren't you _in_ California?"

"I figured I needed a few days off from work before I left to go see everyone…"

"But didn't Lana want everyone there for a week? How much time did you get off from work?"

"You sure are asking a lot questions this morning, aren't you?" Seth laughed. "I was supposed to be in California two days ago. Ryan was calling constantly so I finally just sent him a text saying that something important happened at work and that I'll be there in a few days instead."

"So when are you actually leaving?"

"Later today probably. Depends if there's a flight leaving for Berkeley sometime in the late afternoon."

Nick rolled his eyes, continuing towards the door. "You know, sometimes I wonder what the hell goes on in your mind. And then I realize… I just don't care." Nick opened the door. "See you… _whenever_."

Seth lifted an arm briefly to wave to Nick casually as he left, and then looked back towards the cartoon-infested television.

Seth had lied to his mom and Ryan, and technically Lana even though he hadn't actually talked to her, about getting the tickets to fly out to Berkeley. In fact, up until three days before he was supposed to leave, Seth had been arguing back and forth in his mind whether or not he could fake a friend's death so he wouldn't have to go.

He had easily gotten the time off from work, seeing as he had been working at _Peabody and Sheehan _for nearly two years and he hadn't asked for much time off before. They granted him the five days off and Seth then began imagining using that time better elsewhere – such as on a vacation beach in Florida or somewhere traveling in Europe. Something better than California. Something better than having to see the person he had been avoiding for five months.

Seth knew he had to go though because it would be starting off his uncle duties on the wrong foot if he missed his niece or nephew's baby shower. So, alas, Seth spent the past two days contemplating how he was going to act, talk, and breathe while he was in California. He knew he had to catch a flight soon before his mom and dad were calling him up in addition to Ryan's still pestering calls, but postponing the inevitable was Seth's favorite action at the moment.

The television speakers were erupting in laughter as Seth found himself falling back into a distant memory once again of the love lost and the love he wished he never had to see again.

"_Well, everything's looking fine right now, Miss. Roberts," the doctor told her as he took off his latex gloves, throwing them in the trash._

"_Cohen," Seth corrected the doctor, as he reached for Summer's hand and held it, lightly squeezing it, giving her a small smile. "It's gonna be Mrs. Cohen. We're gonna get the name changed soon."_

_The doctor smiled back, nodding as he exited the examination room. "I'll be back in a few minutes to talk over some things. You can change now, Mrs. Cohen."_

_Summer smiled back at him, trying to keep up her false blissful façade. Summer began undoing the examination gown as Seth looked at the pictures mounted on the wall._

"_Wow, these things are really detailed. Did you know that that's what your uterus looks like?" Seth pointed at the picture and then glanced over at Summer as she put her top back on. "And that in seven months it's gonna look like this? The baby must be so uncomfortable, staying in there like that for such a long time. Wonder why all the blood doesn't rush to its head or something."_

"_Yeah…" Summer answered absentmindedly as Seth continued commenting on all the pictures and left Summer to her own thoughts._

_Neither Seth nor Summer noticed when the doctor reentered the room minutes later, but the doctor sure noticed the exhausted and apprehensive look written clear across Summer's face._

"_So, I just wanted to talk to you two about some things," the doctor began, catching Seth and Summer's attentions, "I wanted to discuss the different options you two have concerning the baby."_

"_Options?" Summer asked as Seth made his way back to Summer's side. "What kind of options?"_

"_Going through the pregnancy and keeping the baby isn't your only option. There's adoption, first and foremost. Many couples are unable to conceive so giving the child to a waiting, qualified couple is an option. And then there's also abortion. It's legally permitted in all states so the government wouldn't have any interference. Unless, of course, morality and religious issues take that option out of your way."_

"_Oh no," Seth shook his head fiercely. "No options. We're having the baby and raising it on our own."_

_The doctor looked between Seth's happily, animated face and Summer's tense one._

"_All right," the doctor replied. "I just wanted you both – separately – to know before getting too far into the pregnancy and discovering you're not ready for the responsibility of a baby."_

_The doctor locked eyes with Summer and she glanced worriedly back._

"_Okay, so onto the necessary pregnancy do's and don'ts…" the doctor continued on, letting Seth listen intently and Summer choosing to mull over the options the doctor had just discussed briefly._

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Seth was barely keeping awake in the Providence airport terminal as he sat in the uncomfortable chair waiting for his flight to be called. He hated that because of airport security, he had to be at the airport four hours before his flight because he always seemed to manage to make it through both the ticket line and security in under an hour, thus leaving him with three hours of free time with nothing but souvenir shops surrounding him.

Suddenly, during one of the times Seth had been drifting in and out of his rough sleep on the chair, a hand pressed against his arm, probing his eyes open.

"Seth Cohen…?" the voice asked quietly. Seth attempted to sit up straight, smiling at the woman, as she continued on. "I'm Sam. I was in a bunch of your classes. We had the same major at Johnson & Wales. I think you were also friends with one of my best guy friends, Gabe."

"Oh, yeah, hey, Sam," Seth reached out to shake her hand. Sam obliged. "Yeah, I know who you are. What are you doing here?"

Sam laughed lightly, letting her barely noticeable dimples show. "Probably the same thing as you. There's really not much else to do at an airport rather than fly some where."

"Very true," Seth laughed along with her. "But what I meant was, what are you doing here? At this gate? Are you going to Berkeley?"

"Oh, sorry," Sam blushed.

"No need to apologize," Seth patted his hand on her knee. "I should have made myself clearer."

Sam continued blushing but answered Seth. "Yeah, I'm going back home. I live about twenty minutes outside of Berkeley."

"Where?" Seth struck up further conversation, genuinely enjoying talking to someone friendly in the sea of unfamiliar faces.

"Eastport. Have you heard of it?"

"No," Seth chuckled. "But I'll take your word for it. My parents just moved up to Berkeley a couple of years ago. I don't really know the area that well."

"Well, where are you originally from?" Sam asked.

"Newport Beach. It's about an hour south of Los Angeles."

"No way!" Sam lit up. "That's so crazy! My aunt lives there!"

"Who's your aunt? I might know her," Seth replied, then adding in with a whisper, "Especially if she's had any work done – I always heard about those people in particular."

Sam laughed, shaking her head. "Her name's Taryn Michaels. And I'm _sure_ she's had work done."

"Taryn?" Seth repeated, shocked. "Taryn Michaels is your aunt? The short blonde haired lady who dates twenty-five year olds? _That_ Taryn?"

"Well, I wasn't aware that she was dating twenty-five year olds but I wouldn't put it passed her, so yeah, I guess."

"Wow," Seth gaped. "I know this sounds stupid but I really didn't think she had a family."

"Sometimes I don't really _want_ to consider her family," Sam threw right back.

Seth and Sam found themselves comfortably chatting while waiting for their plane. Unfortunately, the plane had been delayed a few hours due to bad weather in the Berkeley area. Seth didn't mind at all – it wasn't like he was in a rush to get back to California – and he was enjoying Sam's company. He even found himself wondering if maybe there could be a possibility of discovering a potential relationship in Sam. He grew curious as each minute passed on, wanting to know more about Sam. Sam had been very generous with information on her life, sharing it with someone that, earlier in the morning, she had considered only an acquaintance.

Just as Seth and Sam were boarding their plane three hours after they were supposed to have boarded, Seth started trying to reach for answers to his probing questions.

"So, umm," Seth mumbled as they walked down the tarmac, "do you have, um, a boyfriend or anything?"

"Wha…" Sam started and then raised her eyebrows, "Oh…"

"I mean, I was just asking. You know, like, just another conversation topic," Seth tried to cover.

Sam smiled and then pointed towards Seth casually, in question, "Well… um, don't you have a girlfriend?"

"What?"

"Gabe told me you had a girlfriend," Sam walked up the aisle of the plane, "A serious one, in fact."

"Yeah," Seth shrugged it off, "But we broke up. Awhile ago, actually."

"Oh…"

"Listen, Sam, I'm not even sure I'm ready for a relationship. I was with my ex-girlfriend since high school. And even though it's completely over – _completely_," Seth stressed, " – I'm still not really good at this whole 'asking people out' thing. I mean, I haven't had to do it since I was sixteen."

"Seth…" Sam sighed, "I understand. And I really wish I didn't have to be the horrible person to turn you down, but…"

"Oh, okay," Seth nodded his head solemnly, clearly embarrassed.

"No, it's not like that," Sam stood at her seat on the plane. "It's just… I think Gabe and I are… I don't know we're kind of…"

"Oh!" Seth gasped, chuckling lightly at himself, "You're the girl Gabe's dating! Wow. Sorry. I didn't… you know, if you could just not mention this to Gabe I'd appreciate it."

"I'm sorry, Seth," Sam began to sit down.

"No, it's all right. I'm the one who should be sorry. It was really nice talking to you, Sam," Seth began to walk off towards his own seat.

Sam smiled back, "You too."

Seth's eyes grew wide and his mouth dropped open in shock and embarrassment as he walked further down the aisle to his seat.

So much for that attempt.

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Seth had lots of time to think on his very long flight back to California. So, as a result, he came up with the ingenious plan to invite Sam to Lana's baby shower that was being held at his parents' house the next day.

As soon as Seth had gotten off of the plane and reached baggage claim, he had spotted Sam. And his mind instinctually told his legs to leap over towards her and suddenly Seth found himself standing next to a bewildered looking Sam.

"Hey Seth…" Sam greeted nervously. "What's up?"

"Hey. What is it you do in… umm…" Seth searched for Sam's hometown name.

Sam smiled. "Eastport."

"Yes. Right. Of course, Eastport. What do you do for fun in Eastport?"

"Besides shopping, going to the movies, and the occasional trip to ocean? Nothing really," Sam laughed. "Why?"

"Well, seeing as I don't know the area at all and I myself am going to be bored as a result, I was wondering if you would like to hang out at this party thing my parents are hosting at their house. It's pretty casual. Nothing too big or exciting. Although, we are originally from Newport so a fistfight or a new scandal could occur at any given moment throughout the night," Seth smiled, then placing his hand over his heart, "But I _promise _that those… well… those are _fun_."

"A Newport party? In Berkeley?"

"You can take the family out of the town but you can't take the town out of the family," Seth smirked.

Sam paused for a moment, thinking, before slowly nodding her head. "Okay. Yeah. It would actually be kind of interesting to see how Aunt Taryn lives."

"Great. I'll call tonight with details," Seth replied, grabbing his luggage from the baggage claim belt, then walking off. "Talk to you later!"

"Wait!" Sam called after him, causing Seth to turn around, "Don't we need to exchange numbers?"

Seth shook his head confidently. "Nah… I'll just call Gabe up and get it from him. Besides I have to yell at him for not telling me he had a girlfriend – making me look like an idiot earlier."

"I didn't think you were an idiot," Sam shrugged it off, before adding in, "And I'm not Gabe's girlfriend."

"Yet."

Sam laughed, repeating Seth's sediment, "Right. _Yet_."

Seth waved goodbye to Sam with his free hand, continuing his journey out in the crisp California night air.


	10. The Hitting of the Fan

**Disclaimer: Oh, **_**believe me**_**, I wish I owned it.**

**A/N: You will either love me or hate me for this. And that's all I'm gonna say.**

**Read, enjoy!, and review!!!**

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Summer glanced nervously around the Cohens' decorative backyard as she took short and simple sips from her champagne glass. Her brunette, wavy locks and light blue floral dress swung in the Berkeley breeze, sending a few shivers up her spine.

Or maybe it was the realization that she was going to be seeing Seth for the first time in five months that was creating the unwanted shivers.

Most likely it was the latter.

Summer stood alone, searching the sea of mostly unfamiliar faces, hoping to find Seth before he spotted her – that way she could hide out of sight, all while taking in the views of her lost love of her life, standing feet away from her.

So that sounded childish and completely irrational; Summer didn't care. She just wanted to make it out of this week less tearful and more uplifting than the previous five months had been. She wanted to be immersed in the happiness that was bringing all these people together – Ryan and Lana's unborn baby. Summer just wanted a sense of normalcy to bring to her life once and for all.

It didn't take long for Lana to appear at Summer's side, slightly scaring the latter girl from her thoughts.

"Lana," Summer gripped tightly onto her delicate champagne glass, "Hey."

"Hi," Lana greeted back, clasping onto her plate of veggies. "What are you doing?"

"Mingling."

"Alone in the corner?"

"I'm waiting for people to come to me," Summer offered as an explanation. "Why should I be the one to consistently introduce myself to every fresh new face? Shouldn't I have the chance to take a break – a relaxer – and wait for other people to come to me? Wouldn't that be fair?"

Lana hesitated, confused by Summer's justification, but then replied. "Sure… But how about instead you come meet my parents? They've heard so much about you and I think it's about time to put a face to the name, don't you think?"

Out of the corner of Summer's eye, she saw a familiar curly mop of hair appear inside of the house. She saw his smile, his lanky build, his attempt at dressing up while wearing a casual polo shirt under his jacket and tennis sneakers on his feet. She felt her whole body tense up and even though she had been preparing for this encounter for the past few days she had been in California, she wanted nothing more than to hide in a closet like a small child.

"I… ah…" Summer stumbled over her words, trying to gain a clear conscience and form articulate sentences for a puzzled Lana, "Pee. Actually, I have to pee. I'll be right back."

Summer quickly whisked around and headed behind a large bush, making sure no one had followed her – most especially Lana. Thankfully, other people had bombarded Lana so she didn't have the chance to follow her best friend, or figure out why her best friend had just acted the way she just did. Summer sighed in relief at her successful attempt of being incognito and gulped the rest of her champagne glass. She then found a vision through the bush that she fixated on looking through, staring as Seth walked through the house, into the backyard, talking and chatting with his parents – _and_ an unidentified, tall, thin, short-haired brunette that stood at his side.

Summer felt her eyes burning and her heart aching but no tears appeared to show for it. She began mumbling to herself to stop looking; to go find a bathroom to lock herself into for a few minutes to grasp a hold of herself so she would come out looking confident and casual, but she just couldn't tear her eyes away from the scene playing out in front of her.

"Summer, stop it," she scolded herself. "You're better than this. You don't need anyone to make your life complete. You're independent. Stop letting this stuff get to you."

As Summer continued repeating these same sentiments over and over again to both her brain and her heart, she noticed an irritated Ryan walk speedily past the bush Summer stood behind, mumbling to himself, "That fucking jackass…"

Summer instantly shut her mouth and watched as Ryan appeared alongside Sandy, Kirsten, Seth, and the unknown brunette.

"Seth," Ryan gritted through his teeth, loud enough for Summer eavesdrop, "What are you doing, man?"

"Ryan, bro," Seth slapped Ryan on the back, "I was just introducing Sam here to our parents. Sam – this is my brother, Ryan. He's who this party is being thrown for."

Sam extended her hand, inviting Ryan to shake it. Ryan obliged, still giving Seth a glare. "Nice to meet you, Ryan. And congratulations appear to be in order. Seth didn't tell me we were coming to a baby shower…" Sam then threw a slightly agitated glance towards Seth as well, feeling both uncomfortable and unwelcome in the situation.

"Oh, he didn't, did he?" Ryan stood back, crossing his arms over his chest. "Funny. He didn't mention he was bringing a guest."

"It was sort of a last minute thing. I hope you don't mind," Seth replied as he let his eyes scan the backyard in search of his ex, oblivious to his brother's anger.

"Huh. Yeah…" Ryan tried to get Seth's attention, "Of course I don't mind at all. And I'm sure Lana's not gonna mind either when she can't even enjoy her own baby shower because her best friend's gonna ditch once she sees what a complete insensitive jackass you're being right now."

"Ryan," Sandy stepped in, "Don't start anything. Not now."

"I'm not starting anything," Ryan shoved Seth's shoulders, snapping him back into the conversation. "I'm just trying to figure out why Seth here can't seem to grow up for once in his life."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Seth quipped back at his brother.

"I'm talking about your immaturity with handling adult situations. You're twenty-two, Seth. It's about time to start acting like it!" Ryan shoved Seth.

By now, the crowd in the backyard had stopped all of their own conversations to witness the one happening between the father-to-be and his brother.

"Boys," Kirsten pushed herself in between her sons. "Stop it. This isn't the time or the place."

Just then, Lana came to Ryan's side with an angry expression directed towards the group and scorned. "You guys – you're all making a scene."

Ryan turned to Lana, putting a hand on her arm, "Sorry. But Lana – look! Seth brought a guest!" Ryan motioned his hands to Sam who was still standing uncomfortably on her own. "This is Sam. Seth's _date_."

"I'm not his date," Sam immediately replied in defense.

"She's not my date," Seth sneered at his brother. "But it's _so_ nice to know how you'd react if she was."

"You brought someone? Here? To my baby shower?" Lana interjected, then slapping Seth on the chest. "You are so inconsiderate, Seth!"

"What?" Seth tried to shield himself from Lana's hitting. "You never said I couldn't bring anyone!"

"It was implied, son," Sandy looked harshly on.

"Well, I don't get implications when I'm living three thousand miles away," Seth replied disdainfully, turning towards Sam and putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry about all of this. My family isn't usually this uncharitable. I mean," Seth whispered, but purposefully loud enough for the rest of his family and Lana to hear, "we did adopt Ryan after my dad found him in juvi."

All of a sudden, Ryan lunged at Seth's body in anger, bringing them both to the ground. Kirsten and Lana stepped back, grasping onto one another in horror as Sam watched the scene play out blankly in front of her. After a few milliseconds of digesting what was happening, Sandy began pulling Ryan off of Seth with as much strength as he could muster.

"Stop it!" Sandy yelled loudly. "There is no need for this!"

"Yes there is, Sandy," Ryan yelled back, looking angrily into Seth's equally heated eyes. "Seth is a jackass. No wonder Summer didn't want a child with you!"

Gasps were heard throughout the crowd and Summer herself stood away from her peering place behind the bush, not believing her own ears.

Sandy let go of Ryan at this sudden statement as Seth gathered himself up from off the ground, standing up and eyeing Ryan squarely. Ryan breathed heavily, still staring Seth down, waiting for him to make a move.

"What did you say?" Seth asked calmly, but still clearly pissed, breathing heavily himself.

"I said, no wonder Summer didn't want a child with you. You're immature and ruthless at always insisting on what you must have. It's sickening, Seth. You need to learn to grow up for once in your life and realize that the entire world does not revolve only around what you want."

Seth stood shocked for a moment, before he began laughing ironically to himself. "You know, that's funny, Ryan. Because that's exactly what I told her when she decided to get an abortion."

The crowd began to whisper and Seth and Ryan continued to irately stare each other down. Sandy, Kirsten, and Sam, who were completely in the dark about the entire situation – and had not known that Summer had ever been pregnant – froze in their spots, shocked at what they had just heard. Lana's eyes wandered across the crowd, looking to console her best friend, and noticed Summer confidently walking towards them. Lana quietly whispered her name as Seth and Ryan stopped their stare down; looking in the same direction Lana was focusing her attention towards.

The whole crowd followed the gaze, watching the young woman in a light blue dress with wavy brown curls flowing loosely on top of her shoulders, appear from behind a bush. She carried an empty champagne glass in her hands and she walked with poise as she began to approach the family.

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_Seth had been joyfully helping Summer with all of her pregnancy necessities. He had been getting up at indecent hours to hold her hair back as she emptied her stomach into the toilet and he had bought numerous pregnancy books, not only for Summer to read, but also for himself. He even familiarized himself with the upcoming pregnancy changes, making sure he would never be questioning whether or not something severe was happening to Summer and their unborn baby._

_Seth was in the midst of flipping between his policy law class lecture notes and Dr. Spock's baby book when Summer entered the bedroom, her eyes and cheeks stained red and swollen._

"_What's wrong?" Seth jumped off the bed, noticing Summer's distressed state. "Is anything wrong with the baby?" Seth lightly grazed Summer's stomach as she looked carefully up into his eyes._

"_I can't do it."_

"_Can't do what?" Seth asked timidly, afraid of what Summer was about to say next. He knew she had been much less excited and more uneasy about the pregnancy than he had been and Seth had worried all along that Summer would decide to do something drastic. He certainly hoped this wasn't what Summer was referring to at all._

"_I can't have this baby, Seth," Summer replied, almost barely above a whisper. "Not now."_

_Seth took a few steps back, staring blankly in front of him. "What?"_

"_It's not that I don't want to," Summer whimpered as she tried to reach for him, "It's just that I'm not ready. This just isn't the right timing."_

"_Uh huh…" Seth managed to murmur, backing himself onto the bed._

"_I mean, I still want my career and the job in New York City…"_

"_Then we'll move to New York, if that's what you want," Seth responded, almost pleadingly._

"_It's not just about that, Cohen. I need more time. We're not even out of college. We don't have enough money to raise a baby. And we're gonna be in debt for, like, the next __**twenty**__ years as it is."_

_Seth finally made eye contact with her, anger and sadness both flashing through his eyes. "We can ask our parents for help with money."_

_Summer shook her head sternly, trying to look anywhere but into her boyfriend's heartbroken eyes. "I can't do that. And I don't want to. This is our responsibility."_

_Seth took a deep breath, preparing himself for her answer to his next question. "So what are you proposing we do?"_

"_Abortion. I have an appointment this morning."_

_Seth laughed sardonically to himself, "You're kidding, right? You already made an appointment without talking to me? You're that dead set on wanting to kill our baby?"_

"_I'm not ready, Seth."_

"_That's, like… Jesus, Summer! You want to kill our baby! Go ahead. Sure – have an abortion. See how long our relationship lasts after that. Because you'll regret it, you know. You'll regret that you ever did it and it will haunt you and it will tear us apart."_

"_Seth, I can't have a baby right now. I'm only twenty-one," Summer tried to speak up, as her voice cracked through the tears._

"_And I'm twenty-two but who gives a fuck?!" Seth yelled, then after thinking for a moment, turned back towards her. "You've made up your mind completely, haven't you? It doesn't matter what I say in this conversation because you're still gonna go through with it, aren't you?"_

"_It's my body," Summer tried to reason, quietly._

"_And it's my child!" Seth screamed angrily._

_Summer grew irritated at Seth's screaming, wishing he would try to understand her reasoning, yelling back at him with just as much force, "And it's my __**life**__!"_

_Seth stood there, momentarily paralyzed by Summer's sudden outburst. He opened his mouth but words and sounds couldn't seem to form their way out of it. He couldn't ever remember feeling like this – like seeing his chance to become a father being shattered to pieces like this._

_Summer saw the indescribable hurt in Seth's eyes and she immediately ran to him, grasping onto his arm. She didn't mean to yell like that – she knew this situation called for a calm and rational Summer – but she just wanted him to understand that this baby would hurt their relationship in the long run. The baby wouldn't make them stronger – it would just break them apart._

"_Seth…"_

"_No. Don't," Seth stormed past her, still angry but with tears glistening in his eyes. "Go get a fucking abortion, Summer. Go act like the whole pregnancy and everyone else's emotions revolve around you and what you fucking want. See if I stick around."_

"_Cohen, I'm sorry I yelled. I don't want you to leave. I just wanted you to understand. I want you to support my decision so we can be in this thing together."_

"_Support it, my ass, Summer," Seth mumbled to himself and then, after a beat looking back at her, "Do you love me?"_

"_What? Of course I do!"_

"_Then why are you doing this? Why do you want to ruin our future all because you think you're not ready?"_

"_I'm not ruining our future, I'm saving it!" Summer tried to plead with him as he walked further away from her. "Seth… Cohen, don't leave. Come with me. We can talk about this. I can make you understand that it's for the best."_

"_For the best? Come with you? What – so I can sit and watch as some asshole kills the baby we created? Summer, are you crazy? I don't even want to be near you right now, let alone go with you to an abortion clinic!"_

_Seth walked angrily out of the bedroom and into the living room, ignoring Summer's pleads and grabbed his keys, slamming the front door in his wake._

_He couldn't believe what had just happened. Summer was terminating her pregnancy. Her pregnancy with __**his**__ baby._

_He really didn't see how their relationship could survive something like this. He couldn't stay with someone who refused to have his child – no matter what the excuse._

_Seth couldn't take it. He __**wouldn't**__ take it._

_And Seth drove aimlessly around the city before landing himself at Nick's apartment – red, swollen, tear-stricken face and all._

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Summer walked quietly through the silenced crowd, placing her champagne glass lightly on the patio table as she passed.

It seemed like time was moving by at the speed of a sloth until Summer finally lifted her eyes to meet Seth's, standing in front of him for the first time in months.

"Hey," Summer tried to smile, keeping her tough guard from the past few minutes up, all while continuing to stand tall. "Can we please talk? Inside maybe?"

Seth took a deep breath, straightening his jacket with his hands, before replying, "All right. Let's go."

Summer walked passed him and without delay, Seth turned swiftly on his own heel, making his way back into the house the way he just came minutes earlier.

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**A****/N: So yes, abortion was the key topic here. But don't think I'm done throwing things into this mix. I still got a few more tricks up my sleeve.**

**Review lots and maybe a new chapter – that will explain much, much more – will be up sooner than you think. ;)**


	11. The Revealing Truth

**Disclaimer: It does not belong to me.**

**A/N: I'll add my input at the end of this chapter.**

**Read, enjoy!, and review!!!**

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"So," Summer twirled around facing Seth once they had both reached the Cohen's living room, "You sure know how make a party interesting these days, huh?"

Seth took a deep breath, crossing his arms across his chest. "What do you want to talk about, Summer?"

"I don't know," Summer threw her arms into the air in frustration. "I just wanted to do something to stop you and Ryan from fighting out there."

"Well, you did it. See ya," Seth waved Summer off as he started back out, but Summer raced over and, for the first time since January, reached out and grabbed a hold of Seth's arm, feeling his skin touching hers.

"Don't leave yet."

Seth stopped and looked down at Summer's hand still grasping onto his arm. Summer saw him staring at this and instantly let go, afraid to upset Seth anymore. Seth looked up into Summer's brown eyes, waiting for her to continue.

"I've wanted to talk to you for so long, I just… I just need a minute to figure out what I want to say," Summer told him.

"Right. Well, then let me start and you can just collect your thoughts while you're listening to me," Seth snapped, walking further into the house. "I have nothing but hateful feelings towards you now. You ruined everything. Anything I had ever wanted with my life you somehow found a way to destroy it. And now, I don't even want those things anymore. They were once things I wanted more than anything and now I get that sick feeling in my stomach whenever I hear about them. I don't want to get married. I don't want to fall in love and move into a family-friendly neighborhood. And I _never_ want to have children."

"Seth…" Summer pleaded, walking towards him again.

Seth shook his head, closing his eyes, and backed away from her. "Stay away from me. I can't even stand to look at you."

Summer's bottom lip trembled as her strong exterior began breaking down, making her fall backwards into the couch in tears.

Although Seth noticed this, he chose to ignore it, wanting to bring as much pain to her as he had felt since the day he had last saw her. "You ruined this, Summer. I didn't. This isn't my fault. It's yours."

Summer strained to look up at Seth through her tears. She saw the icy glare in his eyes and she finally really understood.

It _was_ her fault. She _had_ ruined everything.

Even if she hadn't had an abortion. Even if she, instead, had had a miscarriage.

She had often wondered before if a miscarriage was as bad as an abortion. She continually tried to tell herself that it wasn't, that it was something she and Seth could learn to live with. That it was something that Seth wouldn't stay angry at her for. But when Seth refused to even confront her after she left the numerous messages on his voicemail and email inbox stating that she had had a miscarriage, she convinced herself that she had not taken care of the baby as well as she should have in those first few weeks, and thus killing their baby herself and making it impossible for Seth to ever forgive her.

She killed her and Seth's baby. Intentional or not, she did it. Seth was right. The reason everything had turned out the way it had was because of her. She ruined her life. And, in turn, Seth's.

"I…," Summer hiccupped, "I… I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't fix things. Sorry's just a placement word. It's something you say when you don't want to say something else."

"It _is_ what I want to say though," Summer argued with him. "I mean it. I really am truly sorry. This wasn't what I wanted. Never."

"Obviously it's exactly what you wanted or you would have a huge bump coming from your stomach right now."

Summer looked down at her stomach, letting her hands graze the area. "This isn't what I wanted for us."

Seth paused, staring down at Summer's hand covering her stomach, feeling tears begin to cloud his own eyes. He slowly walked towards the couch, sitting down next to her calmly and placing his hand on top of hers. Summer looked up into his eyes questioningly and Seth blinked back his tears before answering her unspoken question. "August 22nd. That's two months away. That's when our baby was supposed to be born."

"I know," Summer sniffed. "The cutoff for a Leo. A Leo like me."

Seth removed his hand from Summer's, shifting his spot on the couch further from her. He looked towards the wall in front of him, continuing. "We could have done it. It would have been hard and maybe we wouldn't have known what the hell we were doing at first, but we could have done it."

Summer nodded her head, still letting tears fall. "Seth, I _am_ sorry." Seth didn't say anything; he just sat there, staring off into the open space in front of him. Summer didn't know what came over her, but she felt that if in any moment she could finally make things right – to finally put her life back together – it was in that moment. "I'm still in love with you."

Seth darted his head back, staring apprehensively at Summer. "What did… umm… what'd you say?"

Summer felt hopeful at Seth's stutters and placed her hands on Seth's knee. "Seth, I'm still in love with you. And I think we can get past all of this and move on. Together. We can start new – fresh. Let's just act like the past six months never happened. We can just be together again."

"No, we can't," Seth answered defiantly.

"Why not?"

"Because I can't love you anymore, Summer."

Summer felt her heart break once more at Seth's statement, while more tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"You killed our baby," Seth continued in explanation. "You didn't want it. I can never pretend that that didn't happen. Even if I wanted to I could never forget it. And anytime I'd ever get angry with you or fight with you I'd remember that and the pain that came from that time in my life and I just… I would never get over it."

"But you just…," Summer tried, "You just… you just were. You were just holding my hands."

Seth stood up, looking down at Summer. "Because I was remembering our baby."

Summer stood up as well. "But you said we could have done it. That we could have worked things out."

"Yeah, if you had had the baby, Summer. I didn't mean now. There's no way we could work things out now."

"Why can't we?"

"Because you're not pregnant," Seth fought back, growing angrier.

"But I could be," Summer shouted back. "We could try and get pregnant again. Then we could raise our child and be together!"

Seth stared at her dumbfounded. "What makes you ready now when you weren't ready then?"

"I was ready then!"

"That doesn't make any sense! The reason you decided to have an abortion was because you told me you weren't ready!" Seth yelled, and then after a beat, "Did you lie to me?"

Summer's jaw dropped. Did he not know she had a miscarriage? "Abortion?"

Seth snorted, rolling his eyes. "Yes, Summer. That vacuum-type procedure you had done back in January that got rid of our child."

"I know what an abortion is, Seth."

"Obviously," Seth snidely remarked. "So did you lie to me? Was it just because you didn't want me to be the father of your child? Was that it?"

"No," Summer yelled in response, realizing that Seth had never gotten her messages about her arriving at the abortion clinic only to find herself leaving because of a miscarriage instead. And Summer wasn't sure if in this current conversation they were having, it would be completely appropriate to tell Seth about it. Besides, Summer reasoned, he'd probably think she was lying just to get him to forgive her and take her back. So, she decided, she'd keep it under-wraps for the time being. "Everything happened so fast back then. I was so confused. But I'm not anymore and I just want to marry you and have children with you. That's all I want."

"Well, I don't want those things anymore, Summer," Seth calmed down, walking towards the stairs leading to the second floor of his parents' house. "I don't really know what I want anymore, but I know I don't want that. Thinking about it hurts too much – I can't ever imagine wanting those things again."

"Seth…," Summer started towards the stairs and Seth began trudging up them. Seth turned his head back down towards hers, watching her eyes well up once again. "Seth, I can't let you go. I'm not happy when you're not with me. I feel like I'm always missing something. That my best friend died all over again. I _need_ you. _Please_."

"I can't, Summer," Seth whispered. "I can't."

Seth walked up the stairs solemnly, never turning back to Summer's helpless cries.

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_Summer sat silently still in the waiting room, right next to a girl who couldn't be more than sixteen years old._

_She couldn't believe she was actually doing this; that she had actually found herself in this position in the first place. Summer twiddled her thumbs as she felt cramps developing in her stomach area. Her nerves were definitely getting the best of her, because in only a few minutes, the cramps had rapidly increased and Summer couldn't take their pain._

_Why was she even doing this in the first place? This was one of her dreams and here she was about to ruin it. What even gave her the right to do something like this – to kill an innocent life? She shouldn't be able to make such important choices like this one. Someone should have stopped her. Someone should have told her that this wasn't what she really wanted._

_Then she remembered that Seth had. And she had simply chosen not to listen, letting him slam the door shut as she continued shouting after him; him giving up trying to knock sense into a stubborn and scared Summer._

_But then again, she was scared. And it was definitely too early to have a baby. And she was not ready. She was just beginning her life – graduating from Brown University was only a few short months away. She had already been offered a reasonable starting pay job in New York City and she and Seth had talked about moving out there after graduation to start their new lives._

_Their new lives and discussions of the immediate future had instantly come to a halt December 29__th__, 2009._

_But even though this change in discussion scared Summer shitless, she couldn't imagine how scared she'd be if she lost Seth over this. And Seth would be completely devastated if she went through with it. And she would lose him. And that could just not happen._

_Summer stood up abruptly, feeling the cramps even more but pushing thoughts of the pain aside knowing that once she got out of here her stress – and thus the cramps – would subside._

_She walked quickly up to the front counter where a young woman, probably around Summer's own age, looked up at Summer questioningly. "Is there anything I can help you with?"_

"_Yeah… the name's Summer Roberts. I have an appointment for 9." The young woman sitting at the front counter looked down at her screen and then nodded up at Summer, smiling, indicating for Summer to continue, "Yeah, I'd like to cancel it."_

_The young woman paused, taking Summer in, and then nodded her head in understanding, "Consider it cancelled. Good luck."_

_Summer nodded, smiling back at her, as she turned around heading for the door. _

_Yes. She did it. Even though she was scared beyond belief, it was becoming clearer that going through with the abortion would have scared her more than not going through with it. She'd spend her entire life wondering and probably eventually regretting – just like Seth had said – and Summer couldn't do that. Plus, Summer couldn't disappoint Seth like that. Seth was everything to her – and if she lost him over making a huge mistake like she had just almost made – that would ruin her. Seth and she would make it through. They'd find some way to work it out just like they always had and they would be happy. Summer would be happy._

_Summer __**was**__ happy. Summer Roberts was going to have Seth Cohen's baby._

_And she couldn't stop the grin from spreading across her face._

_So Summer grasped onto the door handle, feeling confident and proud, ready to go tell Seth the news._

_Suddenly, the young girl Summer had been sitting next to, spoke up, startling Summer from her hold on the exiting door. "Umm… miss? I think you're bleeding."_

_Summer turned around and saw the young girl pointing at the dark colored seat Summer had been previously occupying and then felt the wetness she had not noticed before in her underwear and the underside of her jeans. Summer brought the hand that was grasping the door handle down to her jeans, feeling the warm liquid on her inner thigh and then bringing her hand back up into her vision, noticing the red glow on her cream colored fingers._

"_Oh my God," Summer gasped as she fell to the floor in hysterics, holding her stomach as it continued throbbing in pain, making it clear the cramps were positively not a result of stress._

_The young woman at the counter, as well as a few other patients within the waiting room, rushed to Summer's side, trying to help her up and calm her down._

"_Come on," the young woman told Summer as she gently pushed away the stray hairs from Summer's face, "Let's go into one of the examination rooms."_

"_Oh my God," Summer wailed as the young woman led her into one of the examination rooms. "This can't be happening. I just said I didn't want this! I cancelled my appointment! I want this baby! I really do! I want Seth and me to have this baby! Oh my God, why is this happening?!"_

"_It will be all right, Miss Roberts," the young woman soothed as she rubbed Summer's back and Summer fell helplessly into a fit of tears, "It will be all right…"_

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"Summer…?"

"Mrs. Cohen," Summer wiped away her tears, looking away from the stairs to see Kirsten. "Hi."

"Summer, you were pregnant?" Kirsten asked warily.

Summer nodded silently, wiping the back of her hands against her cheek to remove the remaining tears. "I'm sorry Seth and I never told you or Sandy. Everything was just happening so fast… I just couldn't figure out what I really wanted. It all seemed so blurred."

"You don't have to explain your reasons to me. I just… I'm just shocked is all. It really explains everything between you and Seth this past year. Answers a lot of questions I had," Kirsten spoke quietly, then adding in, "That we _all _had."

Summer nodded again, trying to hold back the oncoming tears. Kirsten noticed this and came to Summer's side, placing a hand on her back, consoling her. Summer let her tears fall again as she hiccupped quietly.

"I didn't want this to happen. It all got so screwed up and suddenly the next thing I knew our relationship was over and I was finishing up college alone. I just wish I could just go back and redo everything and make it all alright again. I miss my life. I miss what I had."

"Summer," Kirsten began, making eye contact with Summer. "There comes a time when you have to stop thinking of what could have been. Because if you don't, you miss out on everything that's happening in your life right now. You have everything going for you, Summer. Get what you _know_ you want now without worrying about what you weren't sure of wanting then."

"Mrs. Cohen…"

"Seth still loves you. He may not say it, but I know. He's my son. And if Seth is what you want, then make sure he knows you love him too."

"He hates me."

Kirsten shook her head defiantly. "He doesn't understand. There's a difference."

Summer nodded silently and turned around to leave. She suddenly paused, looking back at Kirsten sadly. She needed to tell someone. And if she couldn't tell Seth right now, his mother was her second-best choice. "I didn't do it. I went to the clinic, but I couldn't do it. I realized I didn't even want to. I was just acting on impulse and thinking irrationally. I had just been so scared about what would happen to me and Seth and everything we had planned for the future. And when I was leaving after canceling the appointment, I ended up bleeding…" Kirsten's eyes held shock as her jaw dropped slowly. "I didn't have an abortion, Kirsten. I miscarried our baby."

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**A/N: Ohhhhh you all thought you were so smug thinking you knew exactly what had happened… Let that be a lesson to you – Don't underestimate me!!!**


	12. The Gloomy Night

**Disclaimer: Disclaimers from past chapters still ring true for this one.**

**A/N: I'm moving out my apartment in DC within the next couple of days so don't expect an update for a little while. That's all I really have to say. Oh – and thank you to all the reviewers! It means a lot to me, so thanks.**

**Read, enjoy!, and review!!!**

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Seth fell onto his bed backwards, staring blankly up at the ceiling. "What the _fuck_ happened to you, man?" Seth asked himself angrily.

He didn't know if what he had said to Summer was the right move or the wrong, but he definitely felt regretful about it. He didn't hate her. He didn't have hateful feelings toward her at all. And he hated seeing her cry when he told her these lies.

Seth thought that making Summer hurt the way he had been since he left would be rewarding and boost up his confidence, enabling him to finally move forward with his life.

Nothing in their conversation had given him any such feelings. Instead it just made him rehash everything he had tried so hard to ignore for the past five months.

Suddenly a knock came to Seth's door, making Seth jolt in vertical position. "Yeah?"

"It's Sam," a firm voice came. "Can I come in?"

Seth got up and walked to the door worriedly, opening it. "Only if you promise not to bash my head in or anything of that sort for bringing you to this retro-Newport Beach party."

Sam gave him a half-hearted smile as she walked into Seth's room. "Nice room."

"I haven't changed it since my parents moved up here."

"Ah…," Sam scanned the room in recognition, noticing all the pictures and drawings of a girl whose face couldn't be forgotten from the party's ending events. "Is this Summer?" Sam pointed at Seth's bulletin board.

Seth meekly nodded his head, shoving his hands into his pants' pockets.

"She's beautiful," Sam stared at the pictures and drawings. "In both these pictures and real-life."

"Yeah…" Seth trailed.

"How long were you with her?"

Seth shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. A long time, I guess."

"I see…" Sam answered. "And you still love her?"

"No," Seth answered sharply, and then changed the subject immediately. "So, I'm really sorry about everything today. I didn't mean to drag you into all of the drama. I just thought it would be a fun thing for you to do while you were out here."

"No, you didn't," Sam replied.

"What?"

"You knew your ex-girlfriend was going to be here and you wanted to make her jealous. You still love her."

Seth paused, as if trying to figure out a way to reply. He didn't want to give anyone the satisfaction of making him admit his still ardent feelings for Summer. _He_ didn't even want to admit them himself. After a few silent moments, he wearily opened his mouth. "Actually, she's my ex-wife."

Sam seemed stunned at first, almost speechless, but then gathered her voice. "Well… then… I can see why you're so jilted over this break-up."

Seth snorted, picking up a few loose items from around his room and shoving them into a random blue and yellow bag he found on the floor by his dresser. "I'm not jilted."

"Okay," Sam smiled, crossing her arms over her chest, "As much fun as this was today, I think I should probably be going back to Eastport. I called a taxi about fifteen minutes ago so I should probably go look out for it. Thanks for the Newport Beach party, Seth. I'm glad I finally got a chance to see a fight at a fancy party like that."

Seth laughed. "Yeah, sorry about that too. When I mentioned that back at the airport, I thought I was just joking."

"It's all right. It lived up to my expectations. Although," Sam threw in, "I wish I could see you when that nice shiner comes in tomorrow morning."

Seth rubbed the right side of his face, almost apprehensively. "I almost forgot about the pain of this thing for a second there."

"Don't you wish all pain would be as forgetful as that?" Sam asked Seth rhetorically, as Seth looked over at her with a pained expression. Sam waved as she began walking out the door, "Bye, Seth. See you back in Providence, I'm sure."

Seth merely lifted his right hand, swaggering it barely back and forth, before he plopped back down onto his bed, sitting next to the bag he had been packing and fading back into his old memories.

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"_You sure you're all right with this, man?" Nick slapped Seth's back as they walked into Seth and Summer's apartment while Summer was at the abortion clinic._

"_No, I'm not all right," Seth replied, "But I'm not gonna stay here and play Mr. Cool while Summer kills our baby."_

"_Mr. Cool?" Nick tried to joke. "When were you ever Mr. Cool?" Seth glared at Nick as he searched for the suitcase. "Right, probably too early to joke. I get that."_

"_Who would have thought a trip to Vegas would have fucked up my relationship?"_

"_It was Vegas, Cali-boy. Probably should have gone to Hawaii or LA or at least some place that didn't have wedding chapels and alcohol every five walking steps."_

_Seth cracked a smile for the first time that day at Nick's statement. "Point taken."_

"_So," Nick clasped his hands together as Seth rummaged throughout the apartment throwing items aimlessly into the suitcase and random box, "Need some help?"_

_Seth shook his head, sighing. "You know, I never thought I'd have to do this. Like, move out. But I can't stay with Summer. I mean, she's having an __**abortion**__. With __**my**__ child. Like, where was my say in all this? Did my opinion not matter at all? Yeah, so, okay – I only donated the sperm and her body would have to cater to it for the next nine months, but this decision affects my life too. And I wanted to be a father to this child… so badly… I'm not being insensitive, am I?"_

"_No, Seth, you really aren't. It's Summer who's being insensitive."_

"_Right," Seth nodded, "Right… Remind me of that when she calls and asks why all my stuff is gone and then cries and asks me to come back. Remind me that that's not what I want. Because, when it comes to Summer, I usually always forget what I want. And instead I give her what she wants. But I don't want to do that now. I can't do that. Not after this. So, just, you know… don't let me go back to her."_

_Nick noticed a few tears glazing over Seth's eyes. "Sure, man… Summer's not what you want. I'll remind you."_

_Seth nodded, smiling slightly, and then racing off to the bedroom to get some other necessities and to rid his tears that were welling up in his eyes and beginning to fall over the brim at a steady pace._

_As Seth returned, having cleaned up his face as much as possible, he dumped his personal items into the now-full box and spoke up again. "All right. I'm done."_

"_That's it? No furniture or food or anything?"_

"_That's it."_

_Nick sighed, lifting the box as Seth followed behind with the suitcase, "All right. Let's get going."_

_Nick walked out of the door and Seth stopped for a moment before leaving, taking off his ring band that was on his left hand's ring finger and placing it on the counter in the kitchen._

_Seth left without looking back._

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"Seth!" Sandy shouted as he walked briskly to the bottom of the stairs, where Seth had just appeared.

Seth looked up solemnly, clasping onto his small bag tightly, seeing his dad with a stern look upon his face. "Dad, not now."

"Where are you going?" Sandy pointed to Seth's bag. "You told your mother you were going to stay here while you were visiting."

Seth sighed, taking a look behind his father's shoulder to see his mother, Lana, Ryan, and Summer standing in the living room, acting as if they weren't listening to the conversation that was going on between Sandy and Seth. "Yeah, well, change in plans."

"Seth Ezekiel, do not walk out that door," Sandy grabbed Seth's arm.

"Dad," Seth pleaded, looking drained of all emotion, "_Please_."

Kirsten quickly appeared behind Sandy, followed by Ryan, trying to speak to Seth. "Seth, you just got here. I haven't seen you in months. Please just stay here."

"I don't think I should right now."

Ryan cleared his throat and then looked over to Seth. "Look, if this is because of me, I'm sorry. I was just afraid of anything going wrong today that I was stressed and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have."

"Thanks, man," Seth gave Ryan a half-hearted smile, "And I'm sorry too. I should have asked about inviting Sam – since it was your party. But it's not about you. Or anyone else for that matter. I just have some things I need to take care of since I'm out here."

"But you look drained, sweetie," Kirsten rubbed her son's arm. "Can't your things wait until tomorrow? After you've had a good night sleep?"

Seth shook his head firmly, indicating that there was no changing his mind. "I'm sorry. I'll be back sometime tomorrow."

"Seth…" a quiet, soft voice called out to him as he held onto the door handle. Seth didn't turn around and the voice continued on. "I'm not staying here. Or at Ryan and Lana's. So don't leave on account of me."

"This isn't about you, Summer," Seth replied, still not turning around, and continuing out the door.

The whole family – including Summer and Lana – watched as Seth walked out of the door and into his rented Lexus, driving out of the driveway and out of sight.

Summer stood, watching the car disappear long after the exhausts did and felt a few tears slip down her cheeks. Both Lana and Kirsten stood at the girl's side, rubbing her back and arm respectively.

"Come on, Summer," Kirsten tried. "How about we go back inside and I'll make us some cups of coffee?"

"Yeah," Lana offered, "And how about just a girl's night tonight? Julie and Kaitlin are gonna be here any minute now so we can have a chick flick night."

"We'll kick the boys out," Kirsten added in.

Summer nodded mutely, turning around to face Kirsten and Lana. "Thanks, I really appreciate it."

"Any time," Lana smiled, walking back into the house.

Summer began to follow, as Kirsten tugged at her arm, whispering in her ear, "Just for the record, I'll always consider you my daughter whether or not you and Seth get back together."

Summer smiled, hugging Kirsten, as they continued back into the house.

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It took six hours and eight minutes for Seth to finally arrive at his destination.

Newport Beach, California.

He parked his car near the pier, walking down to the beach still clutching his small gym bag. It was nearly ten at night and while the beach was almost desolate with only random passer-bys, Seth couldn't have felt safer.

It was boggling that out of all the different places he'd found himself since January, that Newport Beach, California was the one that made all his problems seem erased from his memory.

Seth sat down Indian style in the sand, watching as the tide continually rode in towards the land and then further out to sea, placing his bag in front of him. He hesitated at first, not wanting to open it but at the same time feeling like he couldn't wait a second longer to reveal its contents.

After a few minutes of peacefully observing the ocean and sand surrounding him, he leaned forward, reaching for the bag. Seth unzipped it slowly, taking each memento out, piece by piece, memory by memory.

While he had been in his room after Sam had left, Seth had gathered any and all mementos that he saw that reminded him of Summer. Granted, some bigger ones couldn't fit into a small bag, so instead he shoved those into his closet, rearing them into the far back. The smaller ones – like pictures, drawings, and scribbled notes – had been thrown haphazardly into this bag, waiting for the moment when they could come out again.

Seth reached into the bag, grasping onto a slightly bent picture he had drawn of Summer back in high school. She was lying on the edge of a bed – as Seth examined it further it looked like his own – while holding her head up with the palms of her hands and her legs bending upwards, touching her toes together, intently watching something. (Seth guessed her old favorite TV show, "The Valley.") Summer looked so content; so peaceful.

Seth felt so broken; so dead.

He ripped the drawing up as tears escaped his eyes, throwing the small pieces of paper into the approaching tide.

Seth continued doing this with each new material that came from the bag, waiting until the tide had completely engulfed the sand surrounding him. He got up without grabbing the bag, watching as the tide washed it back and forth, eventually bringing it further out to sea; further out of his sight.

Seth stood there wet, crying in heaves, watching the blackness take over.

He felt like he could die. Like nothing in the world mattered and that nothing in his future would ever matter and that he could simply be swallowed up by the increasing waves and never return.

"Hey," a male voice shouted in the distance. "Hey there! Young man!"

Seth turned around slowly, not sure if the voice was yelling towards him. Sure enough, the older man with a beard and a receding hairline stopped wailing his arms and slowed down his pace. "Jeez, kid. I thought you were gonna throw yourself into the water and kill yourself!" The man laughed full-heartedly. "Why don't you just get going? The tide rises fast in these areas and you're already looking pretty wet."

"Sure thing," Seth replied, pulling his hands out of his pockets and turning to walk towards the older man. Seth waded through the increasing inches of water, looking back a few times to see if he could still spot the small blue and yellow bag.

He couldn't.


	13. The Sisterly Advice

**Disclaimer: Not a chance.**

**A/N: I'm moved in. (Obviously.) But I go back to school in a few weeks. (Thank God.) You figure out how updating is gonna go for the next month or so.**

**Read. Enjoy. And review – especially if you want another chapter soon. (And after this chapter you might.)**

**I'm evil and I know it.**

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Summer, Kirsten, Lana, Julie, and Kaitlin had all taken part in the girl's night Lana had suggested. It had been filled with _The Notebook_, _Notting Hill_, and even a showing of _Mean Girls_ thrown in for good measure. Five tubs of Ben & Jerry's ice cream had been consumed. Kernels of popcorn had been scattered across the Cohens' living room. Blankets had been strewn everywhere.

It had been just the thing Summer had needed.

But once Summer left – insisting she was fine to stay at the hotel she had made reservations for – she found that her all too familiar feelings had come creeping back into her mind and heart once again.

Sometimes Summer wondered why she couldn't get over this hump in her life. She had everything going for her – the job, the city, the money, the (pseudo) family, the friends – but yet nothing ever seemed to matter whenever she merely thought of Seth. Summer had tried to focus on the things good in her life but for some reason, that attempt always seemed to make her more upset. And she had already talked incessantly about her life a billions times over with Lana so going down that route five months after the fact was out of the question. So Summer just kept everything in, letting it all boil over when she was left alone.

Summer sulked into the hotel room, throwing her keys, coat, and shoes off to the side as she fell onto the bed, grasping the TV remote. She turned it on, flipping through the channels blankly – not looking for anything to watch but at the same time, trying to find something to break the deafening silence of the cold room.

It didn't take long for a knock on the door to break Summer's numb thoughts and as she reached the door, opening it, she was surprised at who she found.

"What are you doing here?"

Kaitlin stood there holding two plastic bags and grinning widely at her. "Just coming to visit."

Summer looked up at her younger step-sister confused. "Does Julie know you're here?"

"Nah… she zonked out once she settled into Sandy and Kirsten's guest bedroom," Kaitlin told her, walking into the hotel room past Summer. "Nice room. Small. Very…um… quaint."

"Kaitlin…"

Kaitlin placed the bags on the dresser counter, turning around to Summer. "Summer, whether you admit it or not, we both know you need someone here right now. And with my mom dead tired from the flight, Kirsten already staying up past her bedtime while we were over earlier, and Lana being… like… _pregnant_ and all… I figured it was my duty to be here."

"I don't need someone to baby-sit me, Kaitlin," Summer rolled her eyes, closing the door and returning to the bed. "I'm an adult. I can take care of myself."

Kaitlin sighed dramatically before standing in front of Summer, who was sitting on the bed, staring up at her, and put her hands on Summer's shoulders, grabbing her attention. "Your husband you were madly in love with left you. You were forced to get a divorce. You were pregnant with his child and then miscarried – yet he still doesn't know and you don't know if you'll ever get the chance to tell him because he _completely_ rejected you today when you said you would do anything to be with him. Yeah, you need someone here right now."

Summer's mouth was agape, wondering how Kaitlin always knew what was going on, without ever being in or near the location of the happenings. "How do you always know all this stuff?"

"It's a gift… Or it's just a skill I mastered while I was away at boarding school and nobody back in Newport ever told me anything, leaving me to figure out all the drama out on my own." Kaitlin smiled, reaching around for the bags and handing them to Summer. "Here."

"What's this?"

"A Spa kit, chocolate Reeses cups, and _Serendipity_ – such a better chick flick for your situation than those dorky ones we watched tonight. It'll show you that everything happens for a reason and whatever is meant to happen, will. My bet is it will perk up your mood knowing that there's nothing else you can do at this point than to leave it up to fate."

Summer grunted, placing the bags down next to her. "Well, that's comforting and all, Kaitlin, but I'm kind of movied-out for the night. I think I just need some rest."

"See, I figured you'd say that so I brought this over too." Kaitlin dug into her purse and pulled out a bottle of cough syrup.

"What's that for? I'm not sick," Summer looked on at her baffled.

"Yeah, I know, but it really helps you get to sleep when you can't on your own because you're thinking of too many things and how much your life sucks."

Summer paused, looking on at Kaitlin in disbelief, and then began laughing, rolling back onto the bed in a fit of amusing cries. Kaitlin took notice of this and stared blankly at her step-sister, folding her arms across her chest. "What is _wrong_ with you?"

Summer tried to gather herself to refrain from laughing, looking up at Kaitlin. "Has it really come down to this? Do people think I'm so depressed that I need cough syrup to put me to sleep at night? Oh my God, you people must think I'm so pathetic! God, _I_ think I'm so pathetic! I'm almost twenty-two years old! No twenty-two year old ruins their happiness for six months over a break-up!" Summer began doubling over in laughter again as Kaitlin looked at her, stunned. "Just give me some of that syrup, Kaitlin," Summer reached up for the bag.

"Whoa, whoa," Kaitlin took a step back, grabbing the bags. "After that little impromptu speech? I'm kind of rethinking the entire cough syrup idea…"

"Oh, but you said it! My husband left me, I miscarried our child, and when I attempted to win him back, he flat-out rejected me. You were right, Kaitlin! All of those things happened and I still don't have a clue in the world how you knew all of that stuff, but it was all true! Now, I would like a decent night's sleep for the first time in six months so if you wouldn't mind handing that over, that would be great."

"I don't think it's a good idea anymore," Kaitlin held the bags away from Summer.

"Well, I'll let you in on a little secret. This syrup can't possibly hurt me. Like physically hurt me. Cause there's no possible way I'm pregnant because I'm still pining for Seth so I can't even bring myself to just sleep with someone – _anyone!_ – to help me feel better and to move on… you know," Summer sat back, contemplative, now almost oblivious to Kaitlin's presence, "I bet I could sleep with someone else if Seth weren't the only guy I've ever slept with…"

"Seth's the only guy you've ever slept with?" Kaitlin asked incredulously. "But you're Summer Roberts! When I was in junior high people used to call you 'Summer Dress Slut!'"

"What the hell does that name even mean?"

"I don't know," Kaitlin shrugged her shoulders, "But people referred to you as the slut of Harbor High."

"Well, I wasn't. I let people think that until I started dating Seth. Actually… come to think of it, I think Seth's the one other person who knows he's the only guy I've ever slept with."

"You didn't even sleep with that guy Zach you dated junior year? He was _a water polo player_! They sleep with everybody!"

"You really do know a lot for never being around, you know that?" Summer laughed lightly, sitting up. Kaitlin merely nodded, sitting down on the bed next to Summer. Summer continued, almost happy to have someone different to talk to for understanding. "Nope, just Seth. I mean, I never thought it would turn out that way. At least not until graduation when I knew Seth was it for me. And even at this point, though we haven't been together since December, I still want Seth to be it for me. So if that means giving up sex for the rest of my life, I'll do it." Kaitlin snorted and upon hearing this, Summer turned towards her with questioning eyes. "What?"

"You're never gonna have sex again because one guy rejected you?" Kaitlin asked. "That's absurd."

"That's how in love I am with him," Summer replied quietly, letting silence fill the room for a few lingering seconds before turning back to Kaitlin. "You think we'll get back together? Like eventually?"

"I don't know…" Kaitlin trailed.

"Yes you do," Summer answered. "And tell me the truth. In your honest opinion, from what you've undoubtedly seen or heard or found out in some unknown, bizarre way, do you think Seth will forgive me?"

"I think… well, I don't know if this is how he feels for sure or not, but… I think that you really, really hurt Seth. Like, he feels that you didn't want to have his children or something. That he was just a high school and college boyfriend but that you'd only keep him around until you found the guy you wanted to marry and to have your children with. I think he thinks that he's not going to ever have children because he's just that college boyfriend – the one a girl keeps around because it's fun and carefree but doesn't want to ever marry."

"But I _do_ want to marry him. And I _do_ want to have children with him," Summer replied strongly.

"Yeah, I know. But I don't think he sees that. Like, you freaked out when you found out you were married to him -"

" – That was because we got married in a cheap, Vegas chapel without any of our friends and family there or even a traditional wedding ceremony filled with a cake, open bar, or dancing," Summer interrupted Kaitlin.

"Yeah, but you still freaked out. And then you get pregnant and while he thinks it's the happiest time of his life, you're planning out an abortion."

Summer didn't bother asking Kaitlin how she knew the details of her life six months ago so vividly. "I didn't think we were ready for that kind of responsibility yet. We didn't have the money to raise a baby – we weren't even out of college. I was being logical. And besides all of that, I didn't have an abortion. I realized I wanted that child. I wanted that bond with Seth that people can only have when they have children together."

"Seth doesn't know that, Summer. Seth thinks you had an abortion."

Summer sighed, falling back into the bed and curling up next to the pillow. "I think I should tell him."

"I think so too," Kaitlin joined her, laying on the pillow next to hers.

"Tomorrow. Tomorrow when he goes back to the Cohens' house I'm going to tell him. I'm going to tell him everything and he's going to listen to me whether he likes it or not because it's about time he knows the truth. And after I tell him, he'll tell me he forgives me and it will be the happiest moment of my life."

"I'd stick with just telling him about the miscarriage for right now. Don't get your hopes up."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Kaitlin turned her head, staring into Summer's worried eyes. "You asked me earlier if you thought Seth would ever forgive you, based on your whole 'knowing everyone's drama like it's my own' theory, and I just think… it's like… umm… well, like, Seth's hurt. Really hurt. I just… you know… I think it's gonna take time. But I think the potential's there. I think he still loves you deep down. I just think right now it hurts him more to be with you than it does to be without you."

"But if I tell him…" Summer trailed.

"If you tell him, I still think it's gonna take some time, Summer."

Summer nodded, turning her body to the other side. "I should probably get some sleep. Night, Kaitlin."

"Night, Summer."

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_Summer cried the entire city bus ride back to the apartment. She had spent almost eight hours at the clinic – including the half hour she spent waiting before she decided to cancel her appointment – and she was tired, distraught, and extremely upset._

_Thankfully Summer didn't have to be admitted to the hospital since the clinic had ultrasound equipment and a gynecologist to perform a pelvic exam. During the five hours of waiting and worrying, the gynecologist had come back with pamphlets and handed them to Summer._

_They all read "How to Deal with Miscarriage." Or at least they all included the word "miscarriage."_

_Apparently this was normal. It was nothing that Summer had done wrong – as the gynecologist had particularly stressed – but rather a normal complication that occurred in one in every eight pregnancies. Summer was told that this didn't affect any future pregnancies and that it didn't necessarily mean she couldn't have try and have children anytime in the future. She was told that, if she wanted to, once her period became regular again – which apparently would happen in four to six weeks – she could try for a baby once more._

_There was a time when the gynecologist was explaining all of this information to her and Summer couldn't hold back her ironic laughter that mixed in with her emotional tears of sadness. Summer tried to explain that it just seemed so weird that she was at an abortion clinic being coached on how to deal with a miscarriage. That she was here alone, listening about how to continue on with her life after losing her baby when she had come here in the first place to get rid of it._

"_It's really not too different, Summer," the gynecologist told her. "Even though people decide to terminate their pregnancies, that doesn't mean they don't feel guilt, remorse, and loss. People who have abortions actually have a lot of similar emotions that women who miscarry do."_

_Funny, Summer thought. If she had known that she probably wouldn't have come to the clinic in the first place._

_Right after, the gynecologist asked her if she had anyone she could call to come take her back home. Summer had nodded and the gynecologist left her alone for a few minutes to call. Summer opened up her phone and dialed Seth's familiar number, waiting three rings for a reply._

"_Hi, Summer," a voice that was clearly not Seth's answered._

"_Hi… Nick?"_

"_Yeah, it's Nick." Nick's voice sounded cold and angry and Summer had no doubt in her mind that Seth had told Nick everything – including the marriage, the pregnancy, and Summer's choice to end the pregnancy._

"_Can I talk to Seth, please?" Summer whimpered._

"_No."_

"_No? Nick, come on. I need to talk to him. It's important."_

"_Important," Nick grunted back to Summer. "Yeah, just like Seth's feelings concerning his own baby were."_

"_That's what I need to talk to him about," Summer cried into the phone._

"_Seth doesn't want to talk to you. And Seth doesn't want to see you. He's staying with me for awhile until he finds somewhere else so you can just go consider your own feelings on that as well."_

_Summer tried to interrupt him, but it was no use. Nick hung up the phone and left Summer to listen to the dial tone as sobs racked her body once again._

_The gynecologist had asked Summer what was wrong when she reappeared in the examination room but Summer merely asked if she was finished there and could go home. The gynecologist nodded, saying she could leave once she signed a few papers, and then wished Summer luck in the future and left the room._

_The dirty bus ride back was horrible. Summer couldn't stop crying and she was continually trying to call Seth's phone – and Nick's phone – trying to get a hold of one of them but neither would answer. Summer had even tried calling Ryan but only received his voicemail. Lana had answered when she finally called her, saying she was heading into an important meeting at work and hung up before Summer even had a chance to utter a syllable._

_Summer wiggled the keys in the apartment's front door, having a difficult time seeing through her constant tears, and found herself in the doorway looking in at the apartment._

_Nothing looked very different. In fact, everything looked pretty much the same as she left it and if she hadn't known that Seth had left, she wouldn't have thought anything of it._

_That was until she walked further into the apartment, passing the kitchen counter with only a single item on the spotless, white tabletop. It was Seth's wedding ring band and Summer didn't think he could have hurt her anymore than with that small, simple gesture._

_She knew she deserved it. He thought she had an abortion. But would Summer be able to get him to forgive her if he knew she had had a miscarriage?_

_Would Summer forgive herself?_

_Summer fell to the floor, wearing the old sweatpants the clinic had given her, and dropped her bag of pamphlets._

_Her life was so good two months ago. She had everything going for her and her biggest worry had been what to get Seth for Chrismukkah._

_Now? Summer didn't know how to get back to that happiness._


	14. The One Step Forward Two Steps Back

**Disclaimer: If you don't know what I'm gonna say here by now, you probably shouldn't be reading this story.**

**A/N: My life is pretty blah right now. So answering reviews has kind of been low on my priority list lately. (I apologize.) But reviews definitely make me want to write more and I appreciate that more than you may know.**

**So…. Read, enjoy, and review!!**

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Seth felt so restless and weak walking back into his parents' home in Berkeley. He trudged through the foyer in his still damp clothing, smelling the coffee aroma and the sound of sizzling bacon coming from the kitchen. Originally, he was just planning on avoiding his parents, walking back up to his room to sleep more than he had the previous night, but he soon realized that his stomach apparently had different plans.

Seth tried to cover the gurgling of his stomach as he entered the kitchen. His hand was over his stomach and his eyes were squinting as if still adjusting to the sunlight.

"Seth!" Kirsten beamed at her son, enveloping him in a hug. "Where were you?"

"Newport," Seth answered casually as his stomach made another groan. "Think I could have some of that French toast and bacon?"

Kirsten nodded her head wordlessly, trying to figure out why Seth had been in Newport, when Sandy spoke the unanswered question.

"What were you doing in Newport, son?"

"Oh," Seth replied, sitting down at the kitchen table to eat, "Just hanging out."

"Hanging out? That's what you were doing in Newport?" Sandy probed further.

"Yeah, it was just something I needed to do."

Sandy didn't bother asking any more questions, getting the feeling from Seth that he did not want to answer any more, and the three of them sat silently down at the table to eat their breakfast.

The silence didn't last long, however, because Kaitlin soon bounded into the Cohen household, followed by an apprehensive Summer. Sandy, Kirsten, and Seth all looked up and each of their faces matched one another's when they saw Summer – surprise and anxiety rolled into one facial expression.

"Hey, Cohens," Kaitlin greeted. "Sorry I didn't stay here last night, I stayed with Summer at her hotel."

Summer smiled awkwardly, trying to avoid Seth's gaze she knew was on her.

"You weren't here last night?" Sandy questioned, almost rhetorically, and then turned to his wife, "I guess when you haven't been looking over your children for four years, you forget that it implies checking in bedrooms before you go to sleep."

"Sandy…" Kirsten scowled, getting up from the table. "Well, can I get either of you anything?" Kirsten asked Kaitlin and Summer.

"Nope, I'm good," Kaitlin replied. "I'm just gonna go wake my mother and make her feel guilty for not knowing I was here. I could have been kidnapped and been forced to watch 'Oprah' for hours on end. God, how awful would that be?" Kaitlin thought to herself for a moment before snapping out of her trance. "Yeah, well, bye!"

After Kaitlin motioned towards the stairwell, Summer stood uncomfortably at the kitchen's entrance.

"Do you want any breakfast, Summer?" Kirsten invited.

Summer crossed her arms over her chest as if trying to shield herself from something, as she shook her head. "No thanks, Kirsten. We ate some room service back at the hotel."

Kirsten was about to open her mouth when Summer began speaking again, this time directing her gaze at Seth, who had now gone back to focusing on his breakfast plate. "Seth?" Seth looked up at her with weary eyes. "Think we could go upstairs for a few minutes?"

"I haven't -" Seth tried to reply but Summer interrupted his approaching decline.

"Just for a few minutes. That's all I'm asking. Please."

Seth nodded his head slowly as he pushed his plate forward and stood up from his chair. Summer began making her way to the stairs as Seth followed, while Sandy and Kirsten looked on.

"Think that's gonna go well?" Sandy asked his wife.

"Depends upon how understanding our son actually is," Kirsten told Sandy, turning back to her food.

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"_Hey, Cali-boy," Nick entered his apartment, seeing Seth sitting at the kitchen counter, "Get dressed."_

"_What? Why? It's a Sunday night. I have class at eight tomorrow morning."_

"_Doesn't matter. Get dressed."_

"_Okay…," Seth dragged out. "How about no?"_

"_Not an option," Nick threw his books down on the counter next to him. "Come on, we're gonna go out."_

"_I really don't want to," Seth pleaded._

"_You need to. You're not gonna spend Valentine's Day wallowing and then suddenly decide you're gonna call up Summer and fall back into all of that. We just got her off your back, man," Nick slapped Seth's back. "She's finally done with all the calls, drop-ins, emails, letters – everything. You don't want to have to go through that all again once you realize tomorrow morning what mistake you made?"_

_Seth sighed and then after a beat, "How do you know it would be a mistake?"_

"_Because it's Summer. The same girl that killed your child."_

"_Well, maybe I can talk to her or something…"_

"_No! Seth!"_

_Just then, Seth's cell phone rang and vibrated across the kitchen counter as both Seth and Nick looked at it apprehensively. As Seth was beginning to grab for it, Nick's arm took it in a swift motion, glancing at the caller-id before rolling his eyes. Nick flipped the phone open, shouting into it._

"_No! It's over!"_

_Nick shut it as Seth yelled at him, grabbing for it. "Hey! Don't yell at her!"_

_Nick looked at Seth with a raised eyebrow as he recognized what Seth had done. "Did you take one of her calls?"_

"_What?" Seth asked and then adding, not convincingly, "No…"_

"_Seth! What the fuck are you doing, man?"_

_Seth shrugged before replying, "I really miss her."_

_Nick sighed quietly, closing his eyes briefly, and then looked back at his heartbroken best friend. "This is why you're coming out with me tonight. You're not spending Valentine's Day here. Don't argue with me about this."_

_Seth took a deep breath. "I'm not arguing with you."_

"_Good. I'm leaving in twenty minutes. Get dressed because I'm not letting you go out in sweats."_

_Nick left the room, walking towards his bedroom as Seth trudged after him, into the bathroom to get ready._

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"Okay, so listen," Summer started as soon as Seth walked in the door. "I don't really know any other way to go about saying this so I'm just gonna come out and say it. I had a miscarriage, Seth, not an abortion."

Seth stood frozen for a moment, implying for Summer to continue on, helping to explain things further.

"I mean, I went to the abortion clinic but when I was sitting there I realized I didn't want to get rid of our baby at all. I guess I had just been so scared that everything was changing… I wanted something to control. But then I realized that the thing I was trying to control was the one thing I wanted all along. I wanted that baby with you, Seth. And when I cancelled my appointment and was leaving, this, like, young teenager I had been sitting next to shouted for me and told me I was bleeding… I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I… I wanted to have our baby. And I wanted to be married to you. I still want all of those things… Seth?"

Seth still stood shocked, finally shaking his head out of his running thoughts. "You miscarried?"

"Yes," Summer replied meekly.

"You're not lying to me, are you? Because that's a horrible fucking joke, Summer," Seth stared her down.

"Seth, I swear. Regardless of anything that has or hasn't happened between us in the past seven years, I would never lie about something like this to you," Summer spoke to Seth earnestly. "I swear my life on it."

"Then why for the past five months have I thought you had an abortion? Why didn't you tell me? And why are you just telling me now?" Seth asked, growing angrier with each word.

"I tried!" Summer pleaded. "But every time I did, Nick would hang up on me. And I sent lots of emails and letters – but you never replied to them."

Seth calmed down a bit, sitting down on his bed. "Nick deleted everything before we'd read or listened to any of them. It was the post-break up rule."

"Oh," Summer sighed, inching towards the bed. "Right."

"Does Ryan or Lana know?"

"No, I never told them. I felt so ashamed and scared. I thought you were ignoring me after I left all of those messages about what happened and I didn't want them to do the same thing to me. Even though I thought you'd tell Ryan yourself. And after a few months with Ryan and Lana still talking to me and them never mentioning it to me, I kind of figured you didn't want to tell them so I decided never to tell them either."

Seth took a few moments to process everything, nodding his head wordlessly, eventually coming to his own realization. "So. Wow. This is kind of big."

"Yeah…" Summer sighed, twiddling her thumbs, wondering exactly what Seth was thinking. Was he forgiving her? Could they go back to living their happy life together as they had six months ago? Would he now love her like he once had?

"What caused the miscarriage?" Seth broke the silence.

Summer shrugged her shoulders. "The doctor didn't say anything specific. She said it happens in one and eight pregnancies."

"It's that common?" Seth sounded stunned. Summer mutely nodded her head. Seth continued asking questions. "Does this mean you can't have any children?"

Summer's eyes lit up at Seth's question, feeling that maybe she was winning Seth over with her truthfulness. That maybe everything would be back to normal in Summer's life by the time she returned back to New York. "No, I can. The doctor said it wouldn't affect any future pregnancies I could have."

"Oh," Seth took it in, quickly adding, "Well, that's good. I mean… in case you ever want to have children when you find the right guy."

"Seth…"

"Listen," Seth turned, facing Summer, gathering her hands in his and keeping eye contact, "I'm sorry I didn't give you any chance to explain back when all of this first happened. I was just really angry and hurt. I'm still hurt I guess, but not about that. I just feel like I can't be a husband or a father to anyone -"

"Yes, you can," Summer interjected.

Seth shook his head, closing his eyes. "No, I can't. I know I can't. These past six months taught me that. And I also want to say that I'm sorry for saying those things to you yesterday. I didn't mean them. I just hated the way things had to turn out; I never hated you."

"How things _had_ to turn out?" Summer prodded. "Things don't have to turn out any way if you don't want them to."

"Summer," Seth replied, staring intently into her eyes, "I heard everything you said to me yesterday. And I thought about it all last night. And even with today's new… _information_… I just think things have to be how they are."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I just want us to stay friends."

Summer pulled back, taking her hands out of his. "Stay friends? Seth, we haven't been friends for the past six months! We haven't even been talking! And as for before that, we haven't been just friends since we were seventeen! I don't even know _how_ to be friends with you!"

"Well, I think that's what we need to be," Seth tried. "Too many things always come between us. Whether it's this or something else – something always breaks us apart. I mean, come on, Summer, look at us! I think we've spent more time broken up than we have spent together!"

"That's not true!" Summer yelled, jumping to her feet.

Seth followed her lead, jumping up and putting his hands on either one of Summer's arms to keep her concentration. "Summer, please listen to me. You're right – it's been hell without you in my life. I've hated it. But I just can't love you anymore. At least not in the way you want me to. And I don't think I want the same things as you in long run so it would just cause more problems than anything. So we should be friends. Great friends. I really feel like we could do that, don't you?"

Summer's tears poured down her cheeks as she hiccupped lightly. "But… but… I-I love you, Cohen. And-and… I do want the same things as you. I want whatever you want."

"Well, I want to be friends. Please be my friend, Summer. _Please_."

Summer stood still, watching Seth's eyes for a few moments, hoping he'd swiftly change his mind and say that he wanted to be with her. That he wanted nothing more than to stop her from crying and to comfort her until she fell asleep in his arms.

Summer missed those times with Seth. She missed them more than she had ever missed anything in her entire life. Her body physically hurt from the things Seth was asking of her and she couldn't do anything but simply nod in response, willing to comply with Seth's wishes. Summer just wanted to be close to Seth. And if this is as close as he would let her, then she'd take it.

"Yes?" Seth asked, smiling. "Good."

"Yeah…" Summer sighed. "Great."

Seth ignored her sardonic response, instead walking towards his suitcase. "Well, I'm actually heading back to Providence today – can't keep calling out to work – but how calling me next week? We can hang out or something."

"I live in New York now," Summer told him unemotionally.

"Oh, right…" Seth realized. "You took that job you wanted, didn't you?"

Summer nodded her head solemnly.

"Well, we'll talk on the phone at least. And hey, there's email. I want to stay in touch and keep up-to-date with your life from now on."

"Yeah…" Summer sighed again.

"Okay," Seth tried to nudge the awkwardness away. "So I've got to go. But I'll talk to you later. Bye, Summer," Seth waved.

"Bye," Summer attempted a wave back, watching Seth leave the bedroom.

In just two days, she had managed to have the guy she was in love with go from hating her guts, to telling him she had had a miscarriage, to deciding to become friends.

But everything she had done had not had the ending result she had been wishing for: Seth's lips upon hers, Seth's hands caressing her skin, Seth's voice telling her he loved her.

Summer fell back onto the bed, noticing the bareness of the bedroom that she had never noticed before. It seemed like everything had been ripped from the walls and torn off the furniture. The whole room felt so empty and desolate. So much like Summer.

And now? Now she had to pretend to want to know about Seth's life – what friends he was hanging out with, what bars he was partying at, who he was _dating_ – knowing she would never be around to partake in these enjoyments with him because she had said she'd just be his friend. And because that was all that Seth had wanted. For them to be friends.

Summer felt completely broken and useless. Her life had peeked at twenty-one and fell quickly to its demise before she even had turned twenty-two.

She guessed it was just something she'd have to live with.

No matter what Summer could do or think of, her situation didn't seem fixable at all.

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_Summer had been completely blissful when she had gotten out of her late afternoon shower to a missed call and voicemail from Seth. She had been trying with all her free time to get a hold of Seth in any way possible to explain things. For almost three weeks after the miscarriage she just wanted to tell Seth so he could come back to their apartment and comfort her. It wasn't until six days before she had given up; realizing Nick was doing everything in his power to keep Seth from returning to her. But when she saw that Seth had left her a message on her phone, she felt a renewness of hope. Maybe this was it. Maybe she and Seth could get back to how they were before everything had turned their worlds upside down._

_And it didn't hurt that it was Valentine's Day – both an important day for couples __**and **__a significant and memorable date for Seth and Summer's relationship._

"_Hey… umm… it's me. Yeah… I, well, I don't know why I'm calling, I guess… It's just… I miss you and, ah… Happy Valentine's Day. Umm… and I guess, I don't know… I just, fucking Christ, Summer, I miss you," it was at this point that Summer could hear Seth's voice begin to break, "And you know I love you… it's just… you fucking hurt me, Summer. And I can't just… you know, sit back and accept that. But I want you to know I love you… Remember that first Valentine's Day we had?" Seth had then laughed quietly into the phone. "It was awesome. I mean… I guess at the time it sucked but it really was awesome, wasn't it? I think about it a lot, you know… but, wow, I can't believe I called you. Actually, I'm glad I got your voicemail… No. I shouldn't have done this. Forget I called, please. Sorry. Bye, Summer."_

_Summer listened to his message seven times before she had enough courage to call Seth back, hoping he would answer._

_When Nick answered, shouting into the phone, "No! It's over!" and hanging up, Summer stared at her phone in disbelief. Maybe she had just imagined Seth had left her a voicemail. Maybe it was all in her head and she was having a psychotic break. But then, after shaking herself out of her disbelief, she dialed her voicemail's number again, repeating the saved message from Seth three more times until she hung up._

_Summer curled up on her couch later that night, holding a pillow to her chest, watching some stupid Valentine's Day movie with no-name actors and D-list actresses. She had a pint of Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough Ice Cream in front of her, still uneaten and melting with each passing second._

_Even Ben & Jerry's couldn't fix this one._


	15. The Beginning of a Change

**Disclaimer: Still not mine.**

**A/N: I appreciate the reviews. I've been really busy lately – per usual – and haven't been able to write a response to all of your reviews as well as write a new chapter, so yeah. But hopefully by the end of next week I'll be back on track.**

**Also, this is kind of a filler chapter but it brings about the newest (and last) issue that will face Seth and Summer so just bear with me and expect another chapter soon.**

**Additionally, I received a few phenomenal reviews last chapter and because of them I ended up feeling the need to write a fluffy-ish one shot. It should be up within a couple of days so look out for it!**

**Okay ---- read, enjoy!, and review!!!**

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Seth had been feeling pretty lousy – physically – for the past few weeks, almost immediately since he had returned from California.

At first Seth just thought it was a simple cold. With a headache, a constant cough, and fatigue, he felt no reason to be worried. He ended up getting some cold medicine from the drug store and continued on with his daily routine, not wanting to use up his sick days for something as seemingly little as an everyday cold.

Within a week, the symptoms got worse. Seth felt nauseous and was vomiting any food he had eaten – if he had even been able to eat anything at all. His temperature was higher than normal and he felt chills rush throughout his body continually in the high seventies, low eighties degree Providence heat, sending a bit more concern to Seth's co-workers. Seth agreed to take one day off to go talk to a doctor and when he did the doctor told him he had the flu. The doctor ordered him to bed rest for the next three days, along with some antibiotics. Since it was a Thursday when he was diagnosed, Seth figured he could take the next day off to recover, as well as into the weekend, planning the entire time to go back to work on that following Monday.

By Sunday, Seth was a mess. He even had Nick staying over to help him because he couldn't do anything on his own. His symptoms had gotten worse; in addition to his already severe symptoms, he began experiencing a shortness of breath (causing Seth to never be able to stand up and walk for longer than a few seconds), coughs that were producing greenish phlegm, and chest pains. Both Nick and Seth knew that something was wrong, but neither thought it could be anything other than some really bad strain of the flu. They both only thought that the antibiotics that the doctor had given Seth weren't working and that he would need a different kind. Nick had suggested taking Seth to the emergency room to get the new antibiotics (due to the fact that Seth's doctor was not available on Sundays), but Seth immediately declined Nick's offer, stating that he didn't have the money to pay for an emergency room visit. Seth told Nick he could wait it out another day and go see his doctor again on Monday to get the new antibiotics. Nick didn't fight Seth on it, mostly because Seth pretended that he wasn't feeling as bad as he had first let on, and continued to stay in Seth's living room, watching TV and sprawling out on the couch, only to cater to Seth's needs when he was awake – which was now only amounting to about six or seven hours of the day.

On Monday, Nick had called in to his own work for the morning so he could bring Seth to his doctor's. By this point, Seth could no longer pretend that the pain he was feeling wasn't as bad as it looked. He moaned as much as his voice would let him, finding he couldn't even sit up without a sharp pain to his chest or a shortness of breath.

Seth felt like he was dying.

The doctor had taken Seth in immediately and discovered that what Seth had had was not the flu at all. Or at least, it wasn't any longer. Instead it was bacterial pneumonia that had been causing Seth all this pain – and it had been caught rather late (apparently a few days can determine the outcome) and Seth was admitted to the hospital to be monitored and taken care of.

The next day, shockingly, Seth had been looking much better. His chest x-rays seemed a bit more optimistic and he had even been able to voice complete sentences to the nurses and doctors without too much of a hassle. The antibiotics were working wonders with Seth's immune system and the doctors decided that there was no need to keep Seth in the hospital longer, but that he must take the rest of the week and much of the following week off from work. Seth had not been thrilled with that idea but he complied, wanting to just get back to his apartment.

It wasn't until he had been back home for a few hours that he decided to call his parents to let them know what had been going on. He tried to sit up in his bed, still having a bit of a hard time doing so, dialing the familiar number.

"Hello?" a deep voice answered.

"Dad," Seth breathed, "It's Seth."

"Hey there, son," Sandy greeted. "What's with the whisper?"

"I can't really talk long," Seth replied.

Sandy laughed into the phone, ushering over his wife, indicating that Seth was on the other line. "Well, then, why bother calling?"

"No, no," Seth tried again, "I'm sick."

"Oh," Kirsten came through Seth's ear piece. Apparently Sandy had put him on speakerphone. "Honey, make some soup. And drink lots of fluids. Sleep it off."

"Yeah, that's what the doctor said."

"You've gone to see a doctor?" Sandy asked. "Since when do you ever decide on your own to go see a doctor?"

"Since I got pneumonia."

The line went silent for a few seconds while Sandy and Kirsten digested the news their son had just told them.

"Seth," Sandy came through again, "You have pneumonia?"

"Yeah, but I'm okay."

"Sweetie, you don't sound okay at all," Kirsten replied, worry evident in her voice. "Why aren't you at the hospital?"

"I was yesterday," Seth answered, coughing in between words finding his voice trying to disappear once again. "But the doctors said it was okay to stay at my apartment now."

"My God…" Kirsten gasped. "Seth, honey, we'll be there in a few hours."

"No!" Seth's raspy voice called out. "No, seriously, guys. I'm okay. Nick's here. And I have antibiotics. I'll be fine. I just wanted to let you both know."

Sandy quickly responded. "Seth, it's not a problem for us. I'll just cancel my work for the next couple of days and book a flight out tonight so your mother and I can come stay with you."

"We'll relieve Nick of his duties," Kirsten added in.

"No, really, please don't," Seth coughed back. "Listen, I have to go. Call Ryan for me? I love you, guys."

"Seth…" Sandy tried.

"Don't. I'll call you both later. Bye." Seth hung up the phone, trying to catch his breath once again.

It seemed odd to Seth, and even to Nick when Seth used as few words as possible to describe it to him, that almost every other symptom that Seth had had was already starting to disappear (or at least not bothering him half as much as it had a few days prior), except for his shortness of breath and chest pains.

Both Seth and Nick shrugged it off once again, thinking that the antibiotics were just working each symptom at a time, hoping that those last two symptoms would be gone soon enough.

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Sandy and Kirsten had spent the next half hour debating back and forth whether to override Seth's wishes and fly out to Providence.

Kirsten didn't want to be away from her son – her son that had never once gotten so sick that he ended up in the hospital – and refused to see the problem resolved in any other way.

Sandy, on the other hand, gained a clear conscience, realizing that Seth was now twenty-two years old – almost twenty-three – and that he had to learn how to take care of himself. Sandy told Kirsten that they wouldn't always be around to take care of Seth when he was sick and that if he did this on his own, they wouldn't have to worry for him in the future.

Kirsten then retorted that Seth had never taken care of himself before so how would he know how to now when he was diagnosed with pneumonia – a serious illness Seth had never had to deal with before?

Eventually, Sandy ended up winning over the argument being the great lawyer that he was, calming Kirsten down enough to give him a few minutes to call Ryan like Seth had asked him to.

Ryan picked up on the third ring, greeting Sandy rather hurriedly. "Sandy, I can't really talk right now."

"Why?" Sandy questioned. "What's going on over there with you?"

"Just late for a dinner with Lana," Ryan's annoyed voice rang through the phone. "She's already called me four times and our reservations were for five."

"It's only six minutes after five," Sandy took a glance at the clock to the right of him.

"Yeah," Ryan sighed into the phone, "I know."

"Wow, pregnancy hormones seems to be getting the best of her… Well, I just need to tell you this quick. Seth called us earlier. Turns out he's sick."

"Sick?" Ryan asked, intrigued. "What does that mean?"

"Apparently he's been feeling sick lately and he told us he went to the doctors -"

"The doctors?" Ryan interrupted. "Seth never goes to the doctor."

"That's what we said too. But I guess he was really feeling it. He could barely talk on the phone as it was. He kept coughing and his voice couldn't have been much above a whisper."

"Well, then, what's wrong?" Ryan probed worriedly.

"Seth has pneumonia. He wanted us to call you."

Ryan's mouth hung agape. "Isn't that… umm… well, isn't that serious?"

"I always thought so but Seth claims he's doing fine. His doctors let him out of the hospital today to just get some rest at his apartment," Sandy sighed. "Kirsten and I are waiting to hear more news. Or hopefully no news – at least on that subject."

"You guys aren't going out to see him?"

"Seth said he doesn't want us there. Nick's staying over at his place getting him whatever he needs so Kirsten and I decided to just let Seth handle this on his own. He knows what he's doing. I mean, he went to the doctor's on his own so he knows what he's dealing with."

"Right. Okay. So is there anything I can do?"

"I don't think so. I just wanted to let you know because I don't think you'll be getting a call from him anytime soon. He sounded already worn out from the quick conversation we had with him."

"Well, thanks for letting me know, Sandy. I'll be sure to tell Lana."

"Of course. Have a good dinner, Ryan. Bye."

Ryan hung up the phone just as he pulled into the parking lot. He parked his car and stared off into space for a few moments, thinking about what Sandy had just told him.

Ryan knew Seth. And he knew that Seth must have felt extremely sick if he actually went to the doctor's on his own accord. The Seth he knew always refused to go to a doctor's – saying that every illness or sickness was curable without a doctor, that if a person dealt with the disease at hand on his or her own, that that would help boost their immune system making them more immune to any future illnesses. Making them invincible – "much like a superhero," Seth had told him once.

So for Seth to go to a doctor for an illness? Yeah, that was big.

Ryan's phone began vibrating in his hands and he looked down to see Lana's number flashing across the screen. He immediately remembered where he was and as he was about to get out of his car, he thought of one person who needed to know about Seth; who deserved to know.

Who would _want_ to know.

Summer.

Ryan took his hand off the door handle and quickly opened his phone and found Summer's number in his contact list. After two rings, Ryan heard laughter fill his ears before Summer's voice flooded through.

"Atwood!" Summer exclaimed. "And to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Seth's sick," Ryan blurted out. He never did know how to handle delicate situations. "He has pneumonia."

Ryan heard the loud noise of music slowly wander off until it was almost unheard. Then Summer's voice came through the small, electronic device once again, this time much more serious and worried. "He's sick? He has pneumonia?"

"Yes," Ryan gulped. "Sandy just called me."

"Well… umm…" Summer's thoughts scattered in and out of her mind as she tried to form sentences, "Is he gonna be okay? Are the Cohens' going out to Providence? Should I go?"

"Summer…" Ryan sensed her worry, "Calm down. Sandy said he's doing fine – that he was released from the hospital earlier -"

"– He was in the hospital?!" Summer shrieked. "That's serious, Ryan! Seth has never been to the hospital!"

"He's all right, Summer. I promise."

"So are the Cohens' going to stay with him?" Summer tried to calm down.

Ryan shook his head, and then realizing Summer couldn't see that, he spoke, "No. Seth doesn't want them to come see him. Nick's staying over at his apartment making sure he gets everything he needs. So I don't think you need to go out there either."

"I know, I know… he probably doesn't want me there more than anyone else," Summer replied sadly.

"You guys are friends now," Ryan responded.

"Not really," Summer sighed. "We haven't talked since we left California."

"He's been sick since then. Don't hold that against him."

"I'm not. Not at all…" Summer trailed. "Seth has pneumonia. That's pretty serious, Ryan. Do his doctors know that?"

"I'm sure they do," Ryan lightly laughed at Summer's question. "Summer, Seth's gonna be fine. I just wanted to call to let you know."

"Well, thank you," Summer smiled into the phone. "I'm glad you called me. I'll talk to you later, Ryan. Keep me updated – good or bad. Okay?"

"Will do. Go get back to having fun," Ryan stated, indicating to the noise he had heard earlier when he had first called Summer.

"Right," Summer replied sarcastically. "Bye."

Summer hung up, standing out in the hallway of her neighbor – and the guy who was crushing on her – Kyle's apartment, staring off into space. Summer was leaning against the wall, with her arms crossing her chest, wondering and worrying about Seth.

Suddenly, Kyle's door swung wide open and Kyle peered out, looking to his left for Summer.

"Hey…" Kyle walked out. "You all right?"

Summer mustered up a smile, pushing herself off of the wall. "Yeah… just a phone call I needed to take."

"Okay, then," Kyle reached for Summer's hand. "Ready to come back in? I'm about to have a surprise birthday cake with unknown trick candles on them."

Summer laughed, linking her hand with Kyle's. "If it's supposed to be a surprise, why do you know?"

"Tomorrow's my birthday," Kyle stated and then leaned in, whispering in Summer's ear. "How could I not?"

Summer smiled as Kyle ushered her back into the apartment, all the while letting her thoughts race back to Seth and his ailing state in Providence.


	16. The Very Sick Seth

**Disclaimer: Still no.**

**A/N: I'm back at college and in my junior year so give me a little credit for at least getting the chapters up every few weeks. :)**

**For those who have asked, I **_**have**_** done my research on this medical issue, but also I had a close friend go through this when I was in high school. And basically this entire chapter was how it played out in my own life (me as Summer, he as Seth) so I just wrote everything from memory. Hopefully that works out to my advantage and you like it, just in case I'll have to do it again in future chapters. **

**Read. Enjoy! And review because I like it. (And because they inspire me to write faster.)**

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Seth stayed out of work the rest of the week like the doctor had asked of him, but by the following Monday, Seth thought he could go back to work. He pretended that his chest wasn't still in severe pain and that his breathing activity was back to normal.

But the fact was – they weren't. And they hadn't been getting better. In fact, they felt to him like they had gotten worse.

Seth's co-workers had noticed and made a few comments to him here and there, but it wasn't until Seth had gotten up from his desk, trying to go get a cup of water from the water cooler and then collapsed against the wall in pain, that they called an ambulance to come take him to the hospital.

By the time Seth had arrived, he was having lots of difficulty breathing and kept taking short, ragged breaths followed by a dry, deep cough. His chest was painfully striking him in strong, sharp aches every time he tried to move.

The doctor immediately ordered a chest x-ray for Seth so that he could discover the source of the problem. Seth was unable to talk due to the nasal prongs the doctor put on him to give him more oxygen, so he had to write down a name for a nurse to call to notify someone of Seth's condition. Seth wrote down his father.

It only took about a half hour – which in hospital circumstances, Seth noted, a half hour was considered quick – for the x-ray to be developed and examined.

Seth's right lung was largely collapsed, which is what had been causing all the pains in his chest and the shortness of breath.

The doctor explained to Seth – as the nurses prepared for a chest tube insertion – that the collapsed lung was most likely a result of the pneumonia. That there was a rupture of an air pocket in his right lung, not allowing the lung to fill up with enough air each time Seth took a breath. The medical name for it was pneumothorax and although the pneumonia had brought it on, Seth's decision to leave it unexamined earlier in the week had probably made it worse than it originally had been.

The doctor also explained that they had to let the air out that was surrounding the lung so they were going to put Seth under for a little bit so they could insert the tube. Seth merely nodded his head, shocked by the doctor's diagnosis, and soon faded out of consciousness.

The nurse waited until Seth was under and the doctor had begun inserting the tube to call Seth's family.

"Hello?" Sandy answered the phone. Kirsten, Ryan, and Lana were all seated in the living room talking about Lana's ultrasound from that morning. They had just found out that Lana was going to be having a baby girl so Ryan took the rest of the day off from work, and Sandy left the office so they could all have a celebration lunch together.

"Mr. Cohen?" the nurse asked quizzically.

"Yes…" Sandy replied unsurely.

The nurse continued on. "Hi, my name is Susan and I'm a nurse at Roger Williams Medical Center in Providence, Rhode Island and your son, Seth Cohen, listed you as the person of contact."

"What's wrong with Seth?" Sandy asked anxiously.

"He was brought in earlier and was found to have a severely collapsed right lung, a medical condition called pneumothorax. There was a discovered rupture in his lung, not allowing the lung to fill up with enough air each time he took a breath, causing serious chest pains and shortness of breath. His doctor, William Burns, is currently inserting a chest tube to help release the air surrounding the lung. Dr. Burns believes that the result of Mr. Cohen's collapsed lung was because of the intensity of the pneumonia and that the severity of his symptoms increased the collapse because he did not come to the hospital sooner."

"Oh my God…" Sandy breathed, sitting down at the table in the kitchen.

"If the chest tube does not help the lung from future collapses, Mr. Cohen might have to undergo surgery to inject a strong substance to harden the tissue part of the collapsed lung."

"So this is… umm… this is serious then?" Sandy gulped.

The nurse replied warmly. "There is no reason as to why Mr. Cohen will not recover from this. Dr. Burns is taking the best possible care of him."

"Well, umm… we'll be out there on the next flight. Any idea when Seth will be awake and alert?"

"As little as four or five hours, Mr. Cohen."

"Okay, okay," Sandy stood up, pacing the kitchen, "We'll be there. Thank you."

Sandy hung up his phone, walking back into the living room where Kirsten, Ryan, and Lana sat obliviously talking amongst themselves. Sandy stared ahead of him blankly as Ryan turned around, noticing Sandy's stance.

"Sandy?" Ryan probed. "What's wrong?"

"Was it Seth?" Kirsten stood up nervously.

"Seth's in the hospital. His lung collapsed as a result of the pneumonia," Sandy told them. "They might have to do surgery to fix it."

"Oh my God," Kirsten cried. "Sandy, we have to get out there!"

"I know," Sandy walked over, comforting Kirsten in his arms as Ryan and Lana stood to their side worriedly. "I'm gonna go book the flight right now. Go pack some stuff for us, okay honey?"

Kirsten nodded, while Lana turned out of Ryan's arms, fleeing to Kirsten's side. "I'll go help you."

As the women walked off, Sandy reached for the phone book looking for airline numbers. Ryan spoke softly into the silence. "Is he gonna be okay?"

Sandy looked up for a moment, sighing, "I sure hope so. The nurse at Roger Williams Medical Center told me there wasn't too much to be worried about. That he was in good hands. But if he couldn't even call us himself to tell us and the nurse had to do it because he was already unconscious… well… I just want to get out there. He needs his family there. He needs people who love him."

"I'll go out with you."

"No, Ryan, you need to stay here with Lana. Keep her from stressing about this entire situation. Stress isn't good for the baby."

"I know, but…"

"Ryan, no."

Ryan nodded in response, walking out of the room to leave Sandy to making his flight arrangements. He plunged his hands into his pockets, feeling the warm metal in between his fingers. He fidgeted with it for a few moments before pulling it out, dialing his friend's familiar number.

"Hey Ryan," Summer greeted apprehensively. "How's Seth?"

"Not good," Ryan sighed. "He's in Roger Williams Medical Center in Providence. You know where that is? Is it a good hospital?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's good," Summer answered absentmindedly. "But what's wrong? Why is he in the hospital again?"

"His lung collapsed as a result of the pneumonia. I guess they're thinking about doing surgery to fix it. I don't really know a lot of details…"

"All right… well… um… thanks for telling me," Summer told him calmly.

"That's it?" Ryan posed, stunned. "Summer, Seth's in the hospital. He's in serious pain."

"I know."

"Why aren't you upset about this?"

"I am."

Ryan heard a car door slam and the noise of honks going off every few seconds. "What are you doing?"

"Going to Providence. I'll talk to you later, Ryan." Summer flipped her cell phone shut as she indicated to the taxi driver that she wanted to be brought to Penn Station.

Summer was on her way to Providence to be with Seth.

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"Hi," Summer ran swiftly in through the hospital doors. "I'm looking for Seth Cohen. Could you tell me what room he's in?"

"What is your relation?" the receptionist asked Summer.

"Umm… excuse me?"

"Your relation to the patient?"

"Oh," Summer fumbled over her words, "His fiancée."

Summer knew she was lying. She felt like the receptionist could see right through her and was about to deny her access to see Seth. But then, suddenly, the receptionist looked back down to her computer screen, typing onto the computer's keys, and looked back up to Summer.

"Room 615."

"Thank you," Summer thankfully sighed, walking quickly through Roger Williams Medical Center's halls in her heels.

Summer had instantly dashed off from her job, hopping into a taxi to catch the next bus for Providence. It wasn't until she was on the bus safely, traveling on Interstate 95 that she called her boss declaring that she had to leave for a family emergency and wouldn't be returning that day or the next. Summer's boss heard the worry that was evident in her voice and decided not to further press the issue and instead told her she'd see her in two days, unless she heard anything otherwise. Summer complied with her boss's wishes, spending the rest of the bus ride worrying about Seth.

Summer waited for the elevator doors to open onto the sixth floor, watching as they did so and making her legs move forward.

She couldn't deny that she was nervous. She hadn't spoken a word to Seth since he left California a few weeks back and now here she was claiming she was his fiancée in order for her to be allowed up to his room – where he'd inevitably be shocked to see her. Summer didn't know how to react or how Seth would react himself and it was at this point that she finally felt the possible repercussions of her spontaneous trip out the Providence.

Summer knew, however, that it would still take time for Sandy and Kirsten to arrive at the hospital. No matter what flight they got, it would still take at least two hours longer for them to get there than Summer. And since Summer had gotten on a bus out of Manhattan in the middle of the day, it had only taken two and half – rather than the normal three hours – to reach Providence.

Summer wasn't sure Ryan was flying out. (Nor was she sure Sandy and Kirsten were but knowing the Cohens like she did, she didn't think it was possible for them to hear that their son was in the hospital and not come out to stay with him.) She wasn't sure she should be there; standing in front of room 615. But she stood there, staring at the closed door, battling with her thoughts in her mind.

"Miss?" someone tapped Summer on the shoulder. Summer jumped slightly, turning around. "Are you here for Mr. Cohen?"

"Yeah… yeah," Summer answered quietly. "Is he awake?"

"Yes," the nurse smiled. "He just woke up a little while ago."

Summer returned the smile, watching as the nurse opened the door, revealing a slightly dazed Seth.

Summer took in Seth's appearance. All the white covering the entire room, Seth's half sit-up position on the bed, the tube coming from under the blanket reaching underneath the bed. Summer stood there momentarily as the nurse walked in, getting Seth's attention.

"Looks like you have your first visitor," the nurse smiled.

Seth looked over to his right making eye contact with Summer. Summer tried to smile back but found her hands trembling and her body feeling weak, so she brought her hands up to her mouth, hoping to stop the threatening tears from appearing.

"Summer," Seth breathed, his voice still raspy.

Summer couldn't stop the tears from streaming down her face as she stood there staring at Seth, watching as he lay helplessly in a hospital bed.

Summer never went to hospitals. The last time she could remember being in one was when Trey had been shot. But back then, Seth had been with her to comfort her of sorts and now she was standing here, unsure of what to do or how to act, watching as the nurse shuffled through the room checking various machines and bags that were beeping periodically.

"Why are you crying?" Seth managed to squeak out, letting his voice change in different octaves. "It's not as bad as it looks."

Summer laughed lightly, trying to gather herself a bit more as she walked towards Seth's bed, reaching her hand absentmindedly to Seth's curls. "What _happened_?"

"My lung collapsed."

"Yeah, I know that," Summer laughed again. "But how?"

The nurse entered into the conversation, knowing Seth shouldn't be talking for long periods of time. "Mr. Cohen's lung collapsed as a result of the pneumonia. It's called pneumothorax and common in pneumonia patients – as well as rather healthy, tall, and thin young men. It's completely curable and while Mr. Cohen here might still need surgery to keep his lung from possible future collapses, he should be back to his old self in a matter of weeks."

Summer smiled at the nurse, nodding her head in understanding, still letting tears stream down her cheeks. The nurse took this as her cue to leave and left Seth and Summer alone in the desolate room with only the beeping sounds from the machine to fill the silent area.

"What're you doing here?" Seth asked, coughing as soon as the sentence came out of his mouth.

"Ryan called me and told me what happened. I just wanted someone here for when you woke up seeing as it's probably gonna take a little bit longer for your parents to get here. They are coming, right?"

Seth nodded, still trying to calm his cough, "Thanks."

Summer placed her hand on Seth's, trying to soothe him. "You don't need to talk. Just relax. And let me know if you need anything. Write it down if you need to."

Seth nodded again, reaching for the room's TV remote, clicking it searching for a show to watch. Summer settled into the cushioned chair next to Seth's bed, watching the TV also.

They sat there silently, watching an old rerun of "Friends," when Seth reached for a pad of paper and pen off of his desk on the other side of the bed, scribbling on the paper. He then handed it to Summer, who took it, reading it out loud. "'I'm going to be fine,'" Summer laughed, "Of course you are. I just wanted to come out here and make sure for myself."

Seth reached for the pad again, writing, "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

Summer read it and answered, amused, "Aren't you?"

Seth returned the smile, writing again, "Yeah, but this tube connected to my chest is kind of keeping me put for awhile."

Summer smiled as she watched Seth write, leaning back into her chair. After a few more moments, Seth started scribbling on the pad once again, handing it back to Summer. It read, "Thanks for coming."

Summer let a few more tears slip down her cheeks as Seth smiled back at her, before they both sat back once again to watch TV.


	17. The Decisive Move

**Disclaimer: Still a negative.**

**A/N: I suck. I know. But reading and reviewing makes me feel a whole lot better and helps push to me write faster.**

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It ended up that Seth did indeed have to have surgery the following day, keeping him in the hospital for the next week. Sandy and Kirsten had decided to stay in Providence while Seth was still in the hospital and Summer did as well, although each member of the Cohen family had told her it was fine if she wanted to leave, Summer wouldn't agree to it. Her job allowed for a two-week vacation to be taken at any time during the year – usually with sufficient notice – but Summer was able to convince her boss that this emergency kept her out of town and that she needed to take the vacation, effective immediately.

Seth's job and boss, however, were not as understandable – especially when they knew he wouldn't be able to get back to work for at least the next month due to doctor's orders, and had already missed the last two weeks.

So Seth was forced to quit rather than be fired and then came the choice deciding factor of what would happen to Seth.

Since Seth had to quit his job and wouldn't be acquiring any income to pay for the apartment or food to live off of, he had to move. But where to and with whom was the question Sandy and Kirsten so desperately tried working out with Seth.

Seth refused to take any of his parent's money to pay for the apartment. He refused any type of help that involved borrowing money, because his extended hospital visit was already being paid for by his parents. He wanted to live as independently as possible so taking thousands of dollars more of their money was completely out of the question.

Then Sandy and Kirsten suggested Seth just moving back to California and staying in their house. He could be taken care of by his parents until he was back to his healthy state and then go work for his father. Seth was reluctant at first, not wanting to move back to California nor be the person who got a job off of their father. But since it looked like there were no other choices, Seth agreed.

After hearing the news, Nick and Summer – who had barely been acting civil towards each other while visiting Seth at the hospital – tried to come up with other ideas. They didn't want Seth to be unhappy in California, nor did they want him to be living three thousand miles away. Sandy and Kirsten had not been involved with these ideas until the doctor informed them that Seth would not give him clearance to fly on a plane across country until a month after his surgery. Then Sandy and Kirsten called Summer and Nick into Seth's room to try and think of a new arrangement that they all – first and foremost, Seth – could agree upon.

"He can stay with me," Nick jumped in. "He already stayed there earlier this year… what's another month?"

"But Nick," Seth started to protest, "We both know how well – or more accurately, _not well_ – that was working out."

"That's only because you were getting annoyed living on the couch. This time around, you can have the bed and I'll stay on the couch. Or even better, we'll just move your bed into my apartment."

"There's no room for another bed in your apartment," Seth informed him.

"We can make it fit."

"What about all your dates? Won't that be kind of a turn off when they see some random, sick guy in a bed in the middle of your living room?"

"It's just a month, Seth," Nick rolled his eyes. "I'll get over it."

Sandy and Kirsten looked between the three faces in the room – Seth sitting slightly upright in his bed, Nick standing next to him, and Summer standing cautiously by the doorway.

Kirsten saw Summer's thoughtful face, burrowing her brows. "What do you think, Summer?"

Summer shot her head up, looking back at Kirsten, then looking at Seth. "I think… well… I don't know… actually, I was thinking that maybe… um… that maybe Seth should move in with me."

"What?" Seth, Nick, and Sandy asked, shocked.

Kirsten simply smiled.

"You want Seth to move in with you? In New York?" Sandy inquired, baffled.

"Yes," Summer replied quietly, then gaining a bit of confidence, adding more onto the explanation. "I just think – well, I don't have a huge apartment. But it's nice. And I have a big enough bed for him to stay on, plus the couch we used to have in our old apartment was a pull-out. I could easily stay on that. I don't mind at all. And I don't have visitors around, like, _ever_, so no one will be bothered by it. I only have a few friends in New York as it is. And I only work a few blocks away so if Seth ever has a problem, it won't be a huge crisis if I leave for a little bit. Besides, my boss is extremely understanding. I mean, look at this past week for example. I was able to take this much time off to stay here in Providence."

"No, you can't," Nick stated arguably.

Summer put her defense up. "Why can't I, Nick? We used to live together before. It's not like we'd have a lot of adjusting to do."

"Seth and I lived together as well. After he _left_ you," Nick sneered.

"Nick, don't," Seth pushed himself further upwards so he was almost completely in an upright position. "Summer, you want me to move in with you?"

"Yes. Yes, I really do."

"I just don't know if that's -"

Nick interrupted Seth. "It's not a good idea."

"I don't know, Nick," Sandy spoke up. "I think it actually might be the best idea yet. That is, if Seth agrees."

"Seth, honey?" Kirsten probed, walking up to Seth's bed. "Where would you rather live?"

"I guess, I don't know… I'd like to still stay in Providence so I could still get my job back after all of this recovery stuff is done -"

"All right, awesome, I'll help you move out," Nick cut Seth off.

Seth jumped back in. "No, I didn't finish. Even though I want to stay in Providence, I think New York would be a good move for me."

"You do?" Summer asked, shocked.

"What?" Nick exclaimed.

Seth turned to his parents, also glancing over at Summer. "Can I talk to Nick for a second?"

Both Sandy and Kirsten nodded, walking out the door, as Summer let the smallest of smiles play on her lips following them out.

"Seth," Nick emphasized, walking closer to Seth, "You can't move in with Summer. She ruined your life. I was there, watching it all happen, remember? You don't have to go through that all again. You can just stay with me. It's not a big deal. It's only a month."

"She didn't ruin my life," Seth replied, then off of Nick's look, continued, "Okay, so it wasn't the happiest time of my life but she didn't ruin it… She didn't have the abortion you know."

"What?"

"She didn't have an abortion. She miscarried."

"Since when?"

"Umm… I guess since she went to the abortion clinic. She told me when I was in California a few weeks ago."

Nick sat down, huffing as he did so, "So that's why you're letting her stay here. You know, I was really confused as to why you weren't kicking her out but I never had the chance to ask you because your parents were always around… How do you know she's not lying?"

"Lying about what?" Seth laughed, disbelievingly. "About a miscarriage? Summer wouldn't lie."

"Even to get you back in her life?"

Seth stared at his best friend sternly, "Nick, Summer wouldn't lie to me. Especially not about something like that."

"All right…" Nick threw his hands up in the air as a defense. "But I still don't think you need to move out to New York with her."

"Well, think about it in these terms: Career wise, I already have basically two years of experience at Peabody & Sheehan so if I want, when I get better, I could go looking for a job in New York. Or at least attend one of the multitudes of great law schools there."

"You _hate_ New York!" Nick shouted. "Why would you want to work there?"

Seth answered him calmly. "Because whether I like the city or not, New York's law firms are phenomenal. And if I were to work in New York, I'd be able to get a job anywhere I'd want to in the entire country after a few years. It just seems like a better idea for the long term."

Nick sighed for a moment, almost appearing as if he were to argue a bit more with Seth, before abruptly walking towards the door, opening it and ushering Seth's parents and Summer inside.

"Seth's going to New York," Nick mumbled to the others, standing angrily in the corner.

"Great! So I guess that's settled!" Sandy clapped his hands together. "Seth will move in with Summer for the time being."

Summer smiled over at Seth as Seth returned the smile, their small moment going unnoticed by the other three occupants in the room.

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"Okay, so it looks like everything's out of the truck," Sandy plopped down on the couch next to Kirsten and Summer. "We did a good job today, girls."

"That we did," Kirsten smiled, grabbing for Sandy's hand. "Now we just have to unpack all of these boxes.

"No, no," Summer sat up. "I'll do it. I have nothing else to do for the day and I need to keep myself occupied until Seth wakes up in a few hours."

Sandy and Kirsten sent each other apprehensive looks, not wanting to leave their son just yet, but knowing they had to. "All right, Summer," Sandy stood up, helping Kirsten up with him. "We'll just get going again. Good luck."

"And keep us updated – even when Seth tells you not to," Kirsten smiled.

"I will be sure to," Summer walked them to the door. "Bye."

Sandy waved, walking out the door as Kirsten pulled Summer in for a hug, whispering, "I hope you both work out your troubles during the next month." Kirsten pulled away, keeping her arms on Summer's shoulders. "See you soon, sweetie."

Summer closed the door, digesting Kirsten's words, hoping for the best within the next month. Then she noticed all the boxes that needed to be unloaded and her hopeful thoughts were halted for the time being.

Sighing, she sat down on the floor with a pair of scissors, opening each box, emptying its contents.

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Seth woke up in the dark room that smelled of strawberries and other fruity type of smells and almost forgot for a moment where he was and what he was doing there. It wasn't until he tried to get out of bed that he remembered his recovering lung and his decision to stay with Summer in New York City.

Seth didn't know what he should do – shout for Summer or just wait for her to come in and find him awake. He couldn't reach the remote control for her TV and he didn't have her number programmed in his cell phone any longer.

Seth tried to wait it out, only lasting about five minutes until he was restless and bored waiting for Summer to come find him.

"Summer!" Seth tried to shout, feeling his chest ache. "Summer!"

Summer appeared in the bedroom instantly, with a worried look on her face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm awake," Seth propped himself up.

"Do you need anything? Food? Are you thirsty? Need to go to the bathroom?"

"No, I'm fine. Just awake. And bored. In the dark. Can you just turn on the lights?"

"You're a hard person to please," Summer stated sarcastically as she flicked the switch bringing light to the room.

"Well…" Seth began, "I would like some company – if you aren't busy right now."

Summer smiled, sitting on the end of her – well, it had technically been both her and Seth's – queen sized bed. "No, I'm not doing anything. Just finished unpacking all of your stuff, actually."

"You didn't have to do that."

"Why? Cause you would?" Summer raised her eyebrows.

Seth laughed. "Okay, so maybe you did have to do it. Thanks."

"Not a problem."

Seth and Summer sat there in silence for a few moments – partly uncomfortable, both searching for a new conversation topic.

"So…" Seth began, not enjoying the silence, "As I was laying here a few minutes ago, I realized I couldn't exactly shout for you because my lungs are still recovering and I looked over to my phone, thinking I could call you -"

"You could have," Summer moved her body so she was leaning back against the headboard of the bed, next to Seth.

"Well, ah, yeah, that's what I was thinking and in that case, I guess we should probably exchange numbers."

Summer smiled confidently, looking at Seth. "I already have your number."

"Well… umm… I changed it back in February."

"Oh," Summer's face fell. Of course he changed it back in February. She kept on calling him and bothering him all while he was trying to simply move on. It was times like this – times when she and Seth were able to sit side-by-side causally – that she forgot what they had been through the past seven months. "Well. Then… umm… yeah, I guess I do need it." Summer reached for her cell phone in the pocket of her light-weight sweatshirt, handing it to Seth.

Seth took it from her, letting their hands graze one another's slightly. He then grabbed for his cell phone on the nightstand next to him, handing it over to Summer. "Can you type in yours?"

Summer looked up from Seth's cell phone, waving him off. "Oh, I didn't change my number."

"Yeah," Seth cleared his throat, almost nervously, "But I deleted it when I got my new phone and new number."

Summer's mouth formed into a pear shape. "Right. Okay."

Seth tried to turn towards Summer, wincing as he did so, "It's just… I didn't think I'd ever talk to you again. Let alone call you. Plus, it was easier to move on that way."

"Sure. You don't have to explain," Summer attempted a smile, waving him off again.

"Yeah…"

"Here you go," Summer handed back Seth's cell phone, grabbing hers that Seth had placed in between their bodies on the bed. She then looked up at Seth, attempting to sigh happily. "Now you can call me whenever you need anything."

"Good," Seth returned the smile.

Summer nodded her head for a few moments, letting her thoughts linger. Suddenly she stood up from the bed, plastering on a bright grin. "I'm gonna go make some dinner. Any preferences?"

"Uh…" Seth gaped at Summer, bewildered from her sudden change in attitudes. "Anything simple sounds good."

"Excellent," Summer headed towards the door. "I'll be back in a little bit. Call me," Summer made a phone gesture with her hand, "if you need anything."

"I will."

Summer walked back out into the living room, then to the kitchen, leaning her hands limply on the counter.

Guess this whole readjustment to living with Seth thing _was_ going to take some time.


	18. The Awkward Situation

**Disclaimer: Nada.**

**A/N: I don't really have anything to say.**

**Read, enjoy, and review please.**

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"Seth!" Summer called out as she arrived back in her apartment. "Where are you?"

"Bathroom!" Seth shouted back as Summer walked in, dropping her keys on the coffee table situated in the living room. "I'll be out in two minutes!"

Summer smiled to herself, plopping down on the couch waiting for him to appear. Living with Seth again had been wonderful. She loved having a roommate again and they had easily fallen into their old routine within a week of him moving in. Now, a little over a month later, Seth was taking care of himself and walking around like he had never been sick at all. And he hadn't mentioned anything about moving out so Summer's hopes were rising with each passing day as he felt better and still did not mention of getting an apartment of his own.

Seth and Summer had not had any meeting of the lips as the month had gone on – much to Summer's dismay. Not even on Summer's twenty-second birthday. There were no accidental kisses or nose grazes or footsie under the kitchen table, but yet, within the past two weeks, heavy flirting on Seth's side had definitely ensued.

Only after a week of Seth living in Summer's apartment, Seth ordered Summer to sleep in her own bed. Summer had tried to argue back, stating that the couch was perfectly fine – since it was a pull out – and that Seth couldn't sleep there. Then, as if it had been the most obvious thing in the world, Seth told her that of course he wouldn't sleep on the pull out couch; that instead he was insisting that Summer slept in the bed with him. Summer had stood agape, not sure if she was dreaming or that Seth was actually arguing for them to share the same bed. Seth reiterated that it was stupid to make her sleep out in the living room on that uncomfortable bed because they were grown adults and the bed was big enough to share. Summer had meekly nodded her head and excused herself to the bathroom where she locked the door and giddily – but quietly – rejoiced by jumping up and down and spreading her smile so wide that it hurt. It was from then on that Summer had hope that she and Seth would be together again.

Even though they kept to their separate sides most nights (some nights Seth would drape an arm over Summer, pulling her unconsciously closer while he slept), it wasn't until recently that Seth would actually lay his head down on his pillow and stare at her, pushing her hair that was falling in her face behind her ear, and talk to her about the most random ideas. Then, after a good lengthy conversation, he'd kiss Summer's forehead and tell her goodnight, making sure their bodies were no more than a few inches from each other.

For the most part, Summer kept her intense loving feelings for Seth hidden. Sure when Seth would grin so wildly, causing his dimples to shine strongly through or he'd be in deep concentration with a Sudoku puzzle, Summer couldn't help the impure thoughts of wanting to ravish him on the spot, throwing herself into a daze of remembering where Seth used to touch her and how their bodies would mold together. But Summer was always able to restrain herself by walking away from the situation and going to a clear corner of the apartment to take a few deep breaths to regain her composure.

"So…" Seth appeared, jolting Summer out of her daze but then sending her immediately back into it when she noticed how attractive Seth looked in his boxers and one of his old screened tees, with his wet hair from the shower he must have previously been in, soaking parts of the shirt. "How was your day?"

Summer stared at him blankly for a few moments, imagining what she'd do to him if she were still able to. She'd jump up and throw her arms around his neck, playing with his curls, while kissing the hell out of him. Then she let her hands trail down his back until they reached the bottom of the t-shirt and reach underneath it to feel the warm skin on her fingertips. She'd stay like that for a few moments, just kissing him and feeling his skin until she couldn't take it any more and would just remove the shirt all together. Then Seth would get the hint, knowing what she'd want to do, and begin letting his own hands wander down her back reaching under her tank top, grazing her mid-drift's skin and –

"Summer?" Seth laughed. "I know it's hot around here but just, like, don't black out on me, okay?"

"Okay," Summer croaked, whistling herself out of her fantasies.

"So how was it?"

"How was what?" Summer asked again, gaining more composure with each passing second.

Seth laughed again, turning towards the bedroom to go change properly, "Your day… Seriously, are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah," Summer waved it off, standing up from the couch, "I'm fine. And work was fine too. Glad it's Friday."

"Ditto here."

"What?" Summer chuckled, falling back into ease. "Why does it matter what day it is to you? You just sit around here all day."

"Yeah," Seth poked his head out of the bedroom, smiling at Summer who was now occupying the hallway, "And that's boring. Now you'll be here for the weekend. You can entertain me."

Summer felt her heart skip a beat with this suggestion as her mind went back to adulterated thoughts about pushing Seth down on the bed and ripping that stupid screened tee off his chest and throwing her legs around his waist so he couldn't move and smashing her lips onto his, delving her tongue into his mouth –

"Summer?" Seth appeared in the hallway in front of Summer, this time without a shirt. Summer stood in front of him, staring longingly back at him and his deep brown eyes. "Hey," Seth reached out his hand and shook her shoulder lightly, "You okay? Do you need a drink of water or something? Or need to lie down for a few minutes?"

Summer pulled away from Seth, letting Seth's hand fall from her shoulder, and ran a hand through her hair. "We need to get an air conditioner. It's _way_ too hot in here." Summer walked sharply around Seth, careful and precise as to not bump into him at all in fear of sending her back into a catatonic state, "I'm taking a cold shower."

"All right…" Seth replied watching as Summer walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her, never looking back at Seth.

Summer turned the water on immediately and quickly shed her clothes, jumping in. She let the cold water run down her body for a few seconds before leaning against the shower wall in agony, wondering when something – or anything – would change in her and Seth's pseudo-relationship.

But that didn't stop her from reminiscing about the amazing shower sex she used to have with Seth while she was in there.

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Seth was busy getting dressed and drying his hair and such when he heard a knock come to the door. He didn't really think anything of it – thinking it was either the landlord coming to scold them again for using too much electricity, blowing a fuse somewhere else within the building (which they had already done three times in the past month) or another package arriving from UPS containing something else Summer had ordered online.

So Seth didn't really care that he was still in his boxers and another, less wet, screened tee when he opened the door revealing an unfamiliar man holding a rather large bouquet of red roses.

Seth stared at him questionably, not sure what to do or how to act.

"Oh… um… hey," the stranger began, "Sorry. I think I have the wrong apartment."

Seth continued glancing him over as he retreated slowly – and very confused – towards the stairwell. The man looked a little older than him and Summer – maybe only by a few years – and he was just as tall as Seth but with a little bit lighter brown hair. Seth peered on as he began walking the stairs, but when the man glanced back down at Seth, Seth wanted to say something so he didn't look like an idiot for just staring at him so he asked him the first question that came to mind. "Summer?"

Or word.

"Excuse me?" the man stopped mid-step, descending down one or two more to imply further conversation with Seth.

Seth cleared his throat, moving his hand against the doorframe and leaning against it, trying to make himself look calm and casual. "Sorry. What I meant was, are you looking for Summer?"

"Yes… um…," the man came down the stairs, standing in front of Seth. Okay, Seth noted, maybe he was an inch taller. But that was it. "This is 34B, correct?"

"Yeah," Seth nodded, opening the door, ushering the unknown man that Summer obviously knew – maybe more than she had let on when Seth had inquired earlier this week if she had been seeing any guys lately and she had said no – judging by the man's flowers, "Come in. She's in the shower right now."

The man followed Seth into the apartment, looking around casually. "Oh, okay… ahh… thanks."

"Sure. No problem," Seth moved further into the living room, giving the two men space.

They both glanced awkwardly at each other and attempted to ignore the huge elephant in the room but the new guest in Summer's apartment apparently had different plans, suddenly lunging his right arm forward towards Seth, introducing himself. "I'm Kyle, by the way. I live two floors up."

"Seth," he shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you," Kyle nodded, rocking back and forth on his heels as Seth watched, noticing Kyle's face turn into a more stern look and stop his rocking. "Wait… Summer's ex-husband, Seth?"

The question caught Seth off-guard. "Ah… yeah, I guess," Beginning to feel his palms begin to sweat, Seth threw his left hand to his hip and his right one to run through his hair nervously. "Although I don't think I've heard that one yet. Which, um, I guess is surprising considering we've been divorced months now – wow, haven't used that term either…"

"Sorry," Kyle looked to the ground tensely. "Sorry."

"No, no, it's cool," Seth tried to shrug it off, but felt his body heating up in anxiety. "Or not. I mean… is it?"

"Well, umm…"

"Right. Uncomfortable question. – Kyle, is it? Want something to drink? A beer, maybe?" Seth offered fretfully, racing to the kitchen, already swinging open the refrigerator door before Kyle even answered.

"A beer sounds great." Kyle looked at Seth apprehensively as Seth pulled out two beers, thrusting one over the counter towards him.

"Great."

Seth quickly opened the bottle cap and began chugging to ignore the uncomfortable feeling in the room.

Seth took a break, letting the bottle leave his nervous lips. "So… um… how do you know Summer?"

"I live a few floors up."

"Right," Seth laughed uneasily. "You already said that."

"Yeah…"

"Yeah, Summer's in the shower. She should be out any minute."

Kyle raised his eyebrows at Seth, noticing how fretful he looked. "And _you_ already said _that_," Kyle tried to ease the tension in the air with his small joke.

Seth laughed again, gripping his bottle tightly, "Oh… yeah…"

"Seth…?" Summer called, opening up the bathroom door, "Do you think you could go down to the corner store and get me – Kyle."

Summer stopped suddenly, gripping her towel more tightly around her body, staring at the man before her.

"No need to," Seth laughed again, nervously, "He's already here! ... I think I need another drink. Want another one, Kyle?"

"No, thanks," Kyle glanced between Seth and Summer, who was still standing astonished in her towel.

"Great," Seth grabbed another one, opening it and chugging that one as well.

"What are you…? I mean… where have you…?" Summer tried, falling over her words.

"You disappeared for a few weeks and when I called into your work they said you had taken your two-week vacation. I tried calling your cell but it always went straight to voicemail."

"It died. I forgot my charger when I left," Summer explained lightly.

"Oh. Well, then I got called to go to a conference in Vienna for a few weeks and I… well, I didn't know you had company," Kyle ended, glancing back over at Seth who was now well on his way to downing his third beer.

"I think those flowers are for you," Seth piped in, pointing to the red roses.

Summer looked on at Seth in bafflement and then turned towards Kyle who was moving closer to her.

"They are," Kyle spoke softly, leaning in and lightly kissing her cheek. "I missed you."

Summer took the roses being handed to her and she stood worried, not knowing what to do or say next.

"I need to change," she managed to sputter out, turning around and racing into the bedroom. Both of the men once again stood silently and waited for Summer to return. It only took a few excruciatingly long minutes before she reappeared before both of the men, looking to Seth first. "Umm… Seth? Can you give us a few minutes?"

Seth nodded his head slowly; feeling a bit hurt that Summer hadn't wanted to talk to him first, but nonetheless reached into the refrigerator and grabbed a few more beers. "Sure thing. I'll just be in the other room."

"Seth, you sure you should be having all of those?" Summer tried to stop him, placing a hand gently on his bare arm to halt him.

"Why not? I'm feeling fine… great, actually… _dandy_…" Seth mumbled, walking into the bedroom and shutting the door, putting on shorts and leaning his ear closely against it so he could hear what was happening.

"Your ex-husband is staying with you?" Seth heard Kyle question Summer incredulously. "Are you guys back together? Jesus! I'm gone three weeks and suddenly your whole life has changed!"

"Seth was sick – he had pneumonia and his lung collapsed. He had surgery and I took my two-week vacation to go stay with him," Summer tried to explain calmly and quietly.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Was it necessary that you go out to stay with him? Were all his other family members incapable of staying with him? And why is he here now if he looks perfectly fine?" Kyle muttered angrily.

"Kyle, you know how I feel about him. I told you all along. I wanted to go see him, to be with him, and then he needed some place to stay so I asked him to come here," Summer spoke softly.

"Summer," Kyle placed his hands on Summer's shoulders, "We were getting somewhere. Something was happening between us. I felt it. Didn't you?"

Summer glanced up into his green eyes, letting tears glaze over her own, "I'm still in love with him, Kyle."

Seth heard this and slunk down to the ground, keeping his ear still glued to the door but finding himself questioning his own feelings for Summer as he continued listening.

"Are you two back together?"

"No," Summer answered.

"Are you two going to get back together?" Kyle further probed.

Summer shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know."

"You can't keep doing this. Putting yourself in this position. He's just taking advantage of you."

Summer shook her head and smiled uneasily at Kyle, "I don't care. I want him here. I want to be in this position. I need him in my life, Kyle. I don't know why but I have this crazy connection to him and I just… I-I can't let him go. I'm sorry."

"What if he doesn't want you, Summer? What then?"

"Then he doesn't. That doesn't change my feelings for him."

Seth didn't hear anything for the next thirty seconds and try as he may, pressing his ear further into the door, he couldn't make out anything except for the closing of the entrance door about a minute later and footsteps retreating back towards the bedroom door.

Seth scrambled to get up but found it increasingly difficult as the alcohol began to have an effect on his still recuperating body and Summer opened the door to find Seth at the floor, propping himself up with one hand.

"Seth…?" Summer looked down at him questionably. "Were you listening to us?" She didn't ask it in a harsh or angry tone, but more in an expectant one, hoping Seth would profess to her the same feelings she had just told Kyle.

"I-I…," Seth tried, finally standing up on his two feet and making eye contact with Summer. "I… walk."

"What?"

"I'm going for a walk," Seth forced the empty beer bottle into Summer's hands and walked past her. "Bye."

Summer opened her mouth to protest but was cut off by another door closing in her face.


	19. The Happening

**Disclaimer: The rights do not belong to me. Or anyone I am associated with.**

**A/N: So before anything else, I want to apologize to all the writers of SS on the site for not reviewing their story if it has been updated/published in the past month. I honestly was going to read and review all the stories before **_**I **_**updated but life has been getting way too far in the way and readers of this story were upset I was not posting. So I felt that I should just update my story instead of waiting to see when I'll have time to sit down and read and review all the other stories on the site right now.**

**So yes, I am very sorry to all of you whom this concerns.**

**And as I mentioned earlier, life has been throwing me curveball after curveball lately, plus I'm preparing myself to travel the world next semester so its all taken its toll on me. Updates are gonna be far and few but I promise (as I have promised many times before) I will not abandon this story.**

**Give me a little more credit than that. ;)**

**And since this note is long enough, here is the chapter.**

**P.S. It is the most sexual I've ever written so if you're offended by that kind of stuff, skip it. I'm not changing the rating because this is the only chapter I plan to write it in.**

**And here:**

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Seth walked, thinking to himself, for about ten minutes before his breathing began to give way, making him park himself in a coffee shop with an iced coffee.

Seth felt like his head could explode. Yeah, he knew Summer still loved him but somehow hearing it come from her mouth to another guy who wanted a relationship with her made the sentiment seem more real. More intense.

He leaned his head down on the table and groaned. Living with Summer without a relationship was nice. It was working out magnificently. He couldn't have asked for anything more. But slowly, and surely, he found himself missing cuddling with her on the couch and kissing her lips before she left for the day. Seth thought at first it was just him missing being in a relationship – not necessarily with Summer, but in general – but now, he couldn't tell; did he miss a relationship or Summer?

And then that idiot Kyle – saying Seth was just taking advantage of Summer. That was ridiculous. He never took advantage of her and he never would. Summer was too much of an important person to him – relationship or not. He would always care about Summer, especially after everything they had gone through together.

Seth thought he was fine. That he was just making a bigger deal out of this than anything. But he just couldn't get rid of that feeling in the pit of his stomach that twisted in knots when he thought of Summer being with Kyle. Kyle didn't seem right for her. And if she was going to be with any guy, it sure as hell shouldn't be that asshole who brought her flowers as compensation for not being around for the past month. Summer needed someone who would be there to take care of her and attend to her needs. And, plus, he looked too old for her anyway, Seth reasoned, and he was much too tall for Summer's petite figure. They wouldn't look good together.

Seth felt a vibration in his pocket and pulled out his phone planning to see Summer's number, but instead saw Ryan's.

"Perfect timing," Seth smiled, opening up his phone. "Ryan! I'm so glad you called!"

"What did you do to Summer?"

"What?" Seth asked defensively. "Nothing! What do you think I did?"

"I don't know," Ryan groaned, "But Lana was just yelling at me a few minutes ago about how my best friend is a huge asshole and that her best friend was crying hysterically on the phone."

"Lana's pregnant. Don't you think she's being a little unreasonable?"

"What did you do, Seth? Why did Summer call Lana up crying just now?" Ryan tried, more calmly this time.

"This dude, Kyle, showed up -"

Ryan interjected. "The guy she's seeing?"

"She was seeing him?" Seth's face and stomach dropped. "But she was all telling me she loved me and wanted to get back together with me just weeks ago!"

"I don't really know the details. But I don't think she was really into him. Lana was just encouraging it because she thought it was time for Summer to move on."

"Why in hell would she encourage that?" Seth shouted, receiving a few scowls from people in the area.

Ryan moaned into the phone, realizing he probably shouldn't have called Seth to release his anger out on him, instead realizing that his problem would somehow turn into a problem revolving around Seth. "Oh, come on, Seth. I called to yell at you, not the other way around!"

Seth ignored Ryan. "Why would Lana encourage Summer to date that jackass?"

"Why is he a jackass?"

"Because he thinks I'm taking advantage of her!" Seth yelled again, finally getting up and motioning to leave the coffee shop because of the deadly glares he was receiving from other customers.

"Well, aren't you?" Ryan replied. "A little?"

"No! I care about her! And I was sick!"

"_Was_ – that's the keyword there. You sound fine now. What are you still doing staying at her apartment?"

"Because I'm kind of homeless," Seth rolled his eyes, even though he knew Ryan couldn't see it.

"You could go stay with Nick. Or move back in with your parents. Or, hey, get a job and move into your own apartment!"

"But I like living with Summer!"

Ryan stayed on the line, silent for a few moments before sighing and continuing to speak, "Seth, you can't drag Summer along like this. If you love her you need to tell her. This pseudo-relationship you two have going on is starting to affect me and Lana's relationship. And that's ridiculous."

"I don't love Summer. Not like I used to anyway."

"Of course you don't," Ryan told him sardonically. "You just like living with her and being with her and refuse to move out."

"So? We're friends."

"I'm going. I'll talk to you later." Ryan hung up before Seth had a chance to say anything in retaliation.

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It wasn't until two am that night – or more accurately, morning – that Seth walked quietly into Summer's apartment. All the lights were off and Seth peeked into the bedroom to see Summer's sideways figure slowly rising and falling, showing that she was asleep. Seth slouched back into the living room, landing restlessly on the couch.

He didn't know why, but for the past eight hours he had been gone, he couldn't stop thinking about Kyle and Summer being together. And he couldn't stop thinking about what Ryan had told him – about Lana encouraging Summer into a relationship with Kyle and how Seth was taking advantage of her.

Summer shouldn't be in a relationship with Kyle. And Seth wasn't taking advantage of her. It wasn't that he was in love with her – he _wasn't_, he reiterated to himself – but he wanted to live with her. And hold her. And maybe even kiss her – but just a little.

Seth groaned, throwing his head back and bringing his hands to his face.

He was officially going insane.

Seth stood up, shedding his jacket and his shoes he had grabbed earlier and his shorts he had clumsily put on when Summer had found him eavesdropping. He walked towards the bedroom, standing in the door way for a moment before walking in. He took off his screened tee and softly climbed into bed, afraid to wake Summer. She barely stirred, only moving her head to the opposite side, now not facing Seth, as Seth lay down on his back staring up at the ceiling.

He tried falling asleep just like that for nearly twenty minutes while thoughts raced through his head, refusing to stop to let him sleep. He finally turned his head towards Summer, noticing her face tilted in the way of the moonlight and her bare neck facing Seth while her soft mahogany hair flowed onto the pillow.

His conscience yelled at him. But his heart couldn't stop beating faster.

Seth turned on his side, propping his head up to lean on his elbow, staring at Summer as her chest rose and then fell. Seth moved closer, letting the sweet smell of strawberries fill his senses and send his thoughts spiraling out of control. He leaned his lips down closer to her neck, pecking softly at first. Summer didn't move and so Seth continued on, eventually leaving passionate kisses all along her neck, jaw line, and up to her ear.

Summer awoke and jolted away, at first afraid of the person kissing her neck. Seth pulled away embarrassed, making his way back to his pillow. He refused eye contact with Summer as she tried questioning him with her own eyes and instead went back to staring at the ceiling. Summer knew he had just been kissing her skin – she could still feel the tingles on her neck – and she leaned up and over, glancing at Seth.

Seth didn't react to Summer's movements but was forced to when Summer pulled her body over Seth's, looking down into Seth's eyes.

"Seth…" Summer spoke softly into the silence as she ran her hand down the side of his face.

That was all it took for Seth to reach his head up, capturing Summer's lips with his in an ardent kiss. Summer threw herself into the kiss, not believing this was happening or that she had gone this long without kissing him, and brought her hands up to Seth's short curls. Seth reached up to Summer's face, caressing his hands over her skin, and then brought them around to her back, pulling her closer.

Summer moaned into the kiss as she fell on top of Seth, wishing she could be even closer to him. She let her hands leave his hair, trailing down to his bare chest, gripping onto it. She felt his skin heat up, and smiled into the kiss, glad that this was finally happening.

Seth pulled away for a second, taking a few deep breaths as Summer stared on.

"Are you okay?" Summer inquired worriedly.

Seth nodded his head, "Just needed a breather." He then pulled a smiling Summer back to his lips, parting her lips with his tongue.

It was then that Summer pulled away, and before Seth could even raise his eyebrows, Summer was swiftly removing her tank top, revealing her naked chest. Seth ogled for a minute as Summer grinned wildly down at him, falling back on to him.

Their make out continued long enough for their lips to already become swollen, but neither seemed to care. They both couldn't seem to kiss each other enough and it wasn't until Seth flipped them over – so she was on the bottom and he was on top – that things seemed to intensify. Summer reached her hand down to the top of Seth's boxers, teasing him for a moment before breaking this kiss and glancing hopefully into his eyes. "Are you… umm… can we?"

Seth chuckled lightly, almost disbelieving that what was happening between them was actually happening. And that he was actually willing to let it. "As long as you want to."

Summer beamed and Seth beamed back at her, and she pulled his boxers down as he kicked them off. Seth fell back onto Summer, tracing lines on her sides as they continued kissing each other in places they hadn't since December. Summer planted kisses on any and all of Seth's skin she could reach, just wanting to be close to him again. And then she reached her hand further down, taking him in her hand.

Seth gasped in surprise, breaking a kiss he was leaving on Summer's shoulder. "Sum…" Seth reached down, pushing her hand away, "Not that… not now."

Summer meekly nodded and instead took Seth's hand that had covered hers and brought it to the top of her own boxer shorts. Seth raised his eyebrows and Summer bit down on her lip, pressing Seth's hand further into her lower stomach. "What about me then?"

Summer didn't mean for it come out as seductive as it did but Seth complied anyway, leaning down to let his lips work hers once again as his hands pulled Summer's boxer shorts down revealing that she had not wore anything underneath them.

Seth wondered for a moment if all this time he had been staying here, Summer had been sleeping next to him every night, never wearing any underwear. He didn't have long to contemplate it though because as soon as he pulled the boxer shorts down, Summer was quickly shoving them off, spreading her legs further open to give Seth better access.

Seth brought both hands around Summer's back, pulling her up in a sitting position with him. Summer pulled away from his lips in surprise and let out a loud moan when she felt Seth's fingers begin to work her. Seth let his left hand work her and held her upright with his right hand, watching Summer's face as the sensations of pleasure rippled through her body at a much faster pace than he had remembered. Summer had already been extremely wet when he first reached his destination and it wasn't long before he felt another wave of wetness pour onto his fingers. He continued letting his fingers work her as she rode out the pleasure and brought his lips down to her chest, lightly licking and sucking on each of her breasts.

The moans and sounds of pure ecstasy that were coming from the back of Summer's throat seemed almost too much to handle for Seth and he suddenly became well aware of his throbbing appendage. Summer seemed to notice it too, bringing her hand back down to it but Seth shook his head forcefully.

"No?" Summer peered at Seth.

Seth looked up at Summer's puzzled face, feeling his heart beat faster than he ever thought it had before and the throbbing feeling was becoming too much to handle. "Can I… can we… umm…" Seth tried to form sentences but his need for her was messing with his articulation and his aggravation grew. "Sum…"

Summer moved closer in to Seth, still sitting in his lap, and whispered in his ear, "I want you to make love to me, Cohen."

Seth didn't know if Summer knew exactly what she was doing to drive Seth completely crazy, but he did know that that was exactly what he wanted to hear. He immediately brought them both down onto the bed so they were once again lying together, intertwining their bodies. Seth crashed his lips upon hers, massaging them forcefully and suddenly pushed himself into her, receiving a gasp from Summer that caused her lips to lose touch with Seth's and her head to fall back into the pillow with her eyes squeezing shut, and her throat releasing satisfying moans.

Seth held a grip on her hips, pressing into her repeatedly and moving in different positions, giving her continual surprises and gratifications. He left short kisses on her salty skin as Summer tried to do the same, but each time releasing an unexpected moan into his skin instead. Soon Summer was climaxing and just as she was, she whimpered the phrase Seth wasn't sure he was ready to hear, "Oh my God… I love you, Cohen."

As Summer released herself, Seth felt the tingle knowing he was reaching the same levels Summer had seconds earlier and he fell against her chest, "Summer…"

As both calmed from their heavy breaths and faster than normal heart rates, Seth slowly released himself from her body, rolling over.

"Seth," Summer whispered in the dark, "That was amazing."

"I know," he genuinely replied back. It had been amazing. And it was exactly what he had been imaging it would be like if he was to have ever gotten back together with Summer. Everything about it had been perfect and soothing and… right.

Summer turned on her side, leaving short and loving kisses on his chest, speaking in between each kiss, "I've wanted that for so long."

Seth looked over at his first love – his first _everything_ – and couldn't decipher between the reprimanding of his actions that were pounding in his head and the adoration that was pouring through his veins. "I have too."

Summer lifted her head up, smiling at him before closing the gap and massaging her lips over his in a delicate and loving kiss. She pulled away, letting her hands run through his hair once again, staring deeply into his brown orbs. "I love you, Cohen. And I've missed you."

Seth returned the smile and reached his right hand around her body, bringing her to fall on top of his chest lightly, "I've missed you too, Summer." He had missed her. That wasn't a lie. But did he love her? Could he forget everything that had happened between them in the past nine months?

Did she even realize that this day – this early morning sex encounter – occurred on August 22nd, their forgotten baby's due date?

He felt as she slowly drifted off to sleep, encircling her arms around his torso. Seth, however, stayed wide awake staring back up at the ceiling wondering and worrying about if he had made a mistake.


	20. The Afterthoughts

**Disclaimer: Nada.**

**A/N: I'm trying. I really am. Again – sorry to all the other writers of SS out there, I really do want to catch up on reading and reviewing your stories but this semester is kicking my ass. Thanksgiving break is soon though so I promise I will then. And that's also when another chapter will be up of this so only 2 weeks! (Hey, it's better than I have been posting lately.)**

**Read, enjoy!, and review because it means oh so much in these stressful times.**

**P.S. Do not make a plan to travel the world (and 11 countries plus Hawaii) in 100 days. It's difficult and time consuming. But I can't help but think that it will be so, so, **_**so**_** worth it. :) **

**That is all. Here is the chapter.**

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Summer woke up the next morning smiling amidst the mess of familiar smelling sheets. She reached her arms out to her side, trying to feel for Seth's body, before she bothered opening her eyes. When Summer was greeted with more messy sheets, she squinted her eyes, looking for Seth. It took a few more seconds for Summer to realize that Seth wasn't anywhere around. Summer sat up, glancing around the room for any sign of Seth.

Or any sign that everything that she thought had happened last night hadn't been a dream.

She glanced underneath the sheets, discovering her naked body, smiling as she looked back up. The smile quickly disappeared when she spotted a folded note up on the dresser in front of the bed. Summer stood up, wrapping the sheets around her body, walking towards the dresser to read the note. She picked it up, seeing her name scribbled on the front in Seth's handwriting and opened it.

_Summer –_

_Lots of apartment and job hunting to do today. Phone's dead. Won't be around for lunch or dinner. See you around at some point._

Summer stood dumbfounded for a few shocked moments before finally blurting out loud, "What?!"

How could he just leave like that? After last night? After their reunion that Summer had been wishing for ever since the day he left last January?

And how in God's name could he be suddenly _apartment_ searching?!

"What?!" Summer reiterated into the dead silence of the room. "He has _got_ to be kidding!"

Summer scrunched the note up in her hand angrily and threw it into the wastebasket next to the dresser. She then let the sheets fall to her feet as she searched into her dresser for clothes for the day. Irately she threw one of her bright red tank tops on and zipped up her jean shorts. She stormed out of the bedroom, grabbing her cell phone off of the kitchen counter, dialing Seth's number. Immediately it went straight to voicemail.

"It's Seth. Leave a message or hang up the phone. Thanks."

"Are you kidding me, Seth?" Summer barked into the phone. "Apartment searching? Leaving me with a half-assed note after we slept together? '_See you around at some point_'?! You better find a way to charge your phone and listen to this voicemail and get back to this apartment within the next two hours or I'm gonna go hunt you down and kick your sorry and insensitive ass!"

Summer hung up the phone and threw it onto the sofa, mumbling furiously under her breath. It only took a few more seconds of growing increasingly angry that she realized she wasn't really all that angry – she was feeling more upset and dejected than anything else.

Last night was supposed to be the turn of something good. Not the return of her depressed state from before Seth moved in. She and Seth were supposed to reconcile and live happily ever after. They were supposed to move on from their terrible months apart and get back to the happiness they had had all those years before. They were supposed to get engaged, have a wedding, and become parents to their beautiful baby girls and baby boy that Summer always dreamt about when she imagined her and Seth growing old together. That was what was supposed to happen.

Or at least that was what Summer had wanted to happen.

Summer started thinking back to the events leading up to last night. Maybe she had forced Seth to go too far too fast. Maybe he had been drinking and wasn't clear on what he was doing.

Maybe he regretted it.

Summer didn't realize she had been crying until she felt a few teardrops hit her legs' skin.

She had gone so long without crying since Seth had come back. She almost forgot what it had felt like to cry – the hurt and the pain consuming her every breath.

Summer broke into heaves of cries at this thought.

"Why…" Summer slipped into a horizontal position on the sofa, bringing her knees to her chest, sobbing. "Seth…"

Why couldn't things just go back to the way they used to be?

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Seth trudged through the streets of downtown Manhattan, peering at all the large and busy buildings surrounding him. He hadn't known where he was going that morning; all he knew was that he had to go. He wasn't planning on looking for an apartment or a job, but he needed to tell Summer something so she wouldn't send out a search party for him.

Not that she would really do that, but he was sure if he hadn't left her some kind of note she would have kicked his ass.

He reached down into the pockets of his pants, letting his fingers graze over his cell phone.

Seth's phone wasn't dead. He had lied on that account. But he knew Summer was going to try and call him and he just didn't want to explain himself to her just now. Not when he wasn't even sure about everything himself.

Seth instantly grabbed the cell phone out of his pocket, turning it back on – ignoring the display stating that he had a new voicemail, knowing it was from Summer – and searched through his contacts list for his familiar friend, dialing his number instead.

"Cali-boy," Nick greeted. "What's up? Feeling up-to-par yet?"

Seth found a quiet area amidst busy lower Manhattan and spoke into the phone calmly. "I slept with Summer."

"You what?" Nick barked. "Dude – you did _what_?!"

"I know, I know…" Seth groaned, even though he wasn't sure he knew anything at all. "I made a mistake, right?"

"Yeah, you made a mistake!" Nick yelled. "How?"

"There was this guy who came by her apartment yesterday and he said I was taking advantage of her and then when we were in bed later I just kept thinking about it and – and – I'm not taking advantage of her, you know?"

"First off – 'when you guys were in bed'? You sleep in the same bed?"

"I didn't want her sleeping on the couch every night…" Seth trailed.

Nick laughed, a little ironically, "You do realize that was the whole point of you moving in with her, right?"

Seth leaned against a brick wall, silent. He hadn't thought of that before. Maybe he hadn't wanted to.

"And secondly," Nick continued on, "You kind of are taking advantage of her if you haven't moved out yet. It's going on six weeks. The doctor said you'd be better to be on your own again in four."

"That's what Ryan said."

"It's true."

"I feel comfortable living with her."

"So that's why you slept with her?"

Seth let the phone drop from his ear down to his chest, as he lifted his head up towards the sky. Why had he allowed things to go as far as they did last night? Did he want it? Did he love her? Was he ready to forgive and forget and hop back into their committed relationship again?

_Could_ he forget everything that happened?

"Cali-boy," Nick shouted through the earpiece. "Seth!"

"Yeah, yeah…" Seth lifted the phone back to his ear. "I'm here."

Nick sighed, determination coming to his voice. "Okay. This is what's gonna happen. You need to get out of there. You can move back in with me for the time being until you find somewhere else to live. You can't keep being this spineless idiot who gives in to someone he doesn't love anymore."

Seth opened his mouth to argue his friend's last statement but then he realized he wasn't sure he needed it corrected.

"I knew this entire thing would blow up in your face," Nick persisted through Seth's thoughts. "You can't keep pretending you're gonna go back to Summer. She's gonna start thinking something's gonna actually happen between you two and, even though I'm not Summer's biggest fan, that is pretty low. I mean, you don't want to do that, right?"

"Ah…" Seth stuttered, his thoughts racing, "I… umm… well…"

"You want to hurt Summer like that? I know she hasn't been the most sensitive person in the world, but -"

Seth immediately interrupted him, "No! I'm not talking about hurting her."

"Then what are you talking about?"

"I just…," Seth scratched his head, "What if I wasn't pretending?"

"You want to get back with Summer," Nick answered in reply as more of a statement, deadpanned.

"Well…"

"Seriously, Cohen?" Nick spoke deeply; angrily.

Seth knew Nick was upset. He was the only one who ever called him by his last name when he was disappointed. And Seth really didn't know what choice he should make, and he didn't know if his heart was aching for Summer – or just some kind of female companionship. So he listened to Nick and shook his heart's thoughts.

"No," Seth laughed lightly, unconvincingly. "I don't want to get back together with Summer."

"Seth…"

"I don't. I was just… you know… seeing how you were gonna react. Scaring you a bit."

Nick grew silent for a few seconds longer than Seth was anticipating and heaved a sigh. "I'm coming to New York."

Now it was Seth's turn to laugh. "You're not coming to New York. You hate it more than I ever hated it."

Nick ignored Seth's comment. "Go back to Summer's apartment. Pack up your stuff and tell her goodbye – for real this time. Don't let her argue with you – just tell her how it is. Tell her you're gonna move in with me for a little while until you can find an apartment of your own again in Providence. If all else fails or if she pulls the crying hysterically card, lie to her and say you got a job offer in Providence. That should seal the deal. She can't complain when you're talking about your career. I mean, it would be extremely hypocritical of her if she did that seeing as that's what she pulled when she decided to abort your child."

"She didn't have an abortion, Nick," Seth told him quietly.

"Right. Whatever," Nick cleared his throat. "She still cares a lot about her career. She won't force you to overlook yours because it's not in New York. That's not her mindset. Right?"

Seth heaved his chest, letting the one-word question float through his mind. "No. She'll understand."

"Good. I should be there in three hours."

"I know," Seth replied solemnly.

"Dude," Nick's voice boomed through the earpiece, "Honestly. Tell me. Do you love her?"

Seth shook his head, then upon remembering Nick could not see him, spoke quietly, "I don't think I'm _in_ love with her. I don't know. I love her, but… we're not healthy for each other. Like, we hurt each other and we just don't want the same things. We're not right for each other… you know?"

Nick held off saying anything until he knew Seth was finished. "I'll be there in a few hours. Good luck, Seth."

Nick hung up the phone leaving Seth to feel more alone in this city of eight million people than he ever had in his entire life.

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Summer gathered herself together after awhile; coming to the realization that crying over Seth wasn't going to bring him back any faster. She began cleaning furiously, trying to make the apartment look spotless as a way to ignore her pain. After about an hour, Summer was fidgeting and couldn't find anything else to clean or organize – due to her commanding skill at keeping the apartment always in tip-top shape – and she reached for her phone, this time calling Matt, as she paced around the room waiting to hear his voice through the receiver.

"Hey Summer," Matt greeted. "How's New York been treating you these past few months?"

It was at this that Summer stopped her pacing, realizing that she hadn't spoken to Matt since he drove her to New York back at the end of May. So much had gone on since then – so much that Summer wasn't even sure she could explain – and she wanted to tell Matt everything. She wanted to put it all out there because, although they had grown apart in the past few months and left on semi-awkward terms, Matt had been there for her when Seth left her. And he never once asked for an explanation, instead just hanging out with her so she wouldn't have to feel so alone. He deserved some answers and at this point, Summer just wanted to let everything out.

"Summer?" Matt questioned into the phone making Summer realize she had paused in her thoughts a little too long.

"Remember when you asked me if I had been pregnant? And if that was the reason Seth and I broke up?"

"Uh…" Matt trailed.

"It was," Summer replied immediately. "I was pregnant. And Seth and I were married. But I didn't want to be pregnant – or married for that matter – and I told Seth I was getting an abortion. And I went to the abortion clinic and realized I was being immature and ruthless and I cancelled the appointment. But then when I was leaving I ended up having a miscarriage. And I was scared and upset and after I got back to our apartment I tried to tell Seth about the miscarriage and he didn't want to hear it so I just let my friends in California think that I had had an abortion. But I didn't. I thought Seth was mad at me about the miscarriage. But then I went out to California for Lana's baby shower – because now she's pregnant – and I found out that Seth never knew I had a miscarriage. That he never listened to my voicemails or read my emails. So I told him. But he just wanted to stay friends. Which, I was like, that's not possible because we've never been just friends but he said that's all he could do right now so I agreed. And I came back to New York and hadn't heard from Seth so I thought he was just a bunch of bullshit and I started trying to move on with this guy named Kyle. But then Ryan called – that's Seth's brother – and told me that Seth was sick. He had pneumonia and then his lung collapsed and I just went out to Providence to stay with him, calling in an immediate vacation from work. And then he lost his job and he didn't want to take his parents money to pay for an apartment so he ended up agreeing to move out here with me in New York. And it's been working out great. Like, really great. I mean, we hadn't gotten back together but I felt like it was coming. That it was just around the corner, you know? And then that guy Kyle stopped by and I think Seth heard me say some things to him – good things, like I was still in love with Seth – and Seth ended up leaving for the rest of the day but I thought that was a good sign. Like, that he needed to sort out his feelings and stuff and then he'd come back and realize that he loved me too and that we just needed to forget what had happened and move on. Together. And he did come back last night and we slept together. And he initiated _everything_. And we kind of talked afterwards and it felt like everything was so right and that it was all going to work out and then I wake up this morning and he's gone and all he left was some stupid half-assed note telling me that he was out apartment searching and that he wasn't going to be around for the rest of the day and that he'd see me whenever. So what I want to know is – what does that mean? I mean, I told you everything. Truthfully. But I need a guy's opinion and I know this explanation is a long time coming and that I should have told you everything months ago but I need your help, Matt. I need Seth back. And I need to know what to do. So tell me what to do and I'll do it. Because I miss him and I want him back in my life – for real this time – and I can't fuck this up so tell me what to do._Please_, Matt."

"Summer… I-I…" Matt paused, for a moment, sighing into the phone, "Why didn't you tell me all of this back when you two broke up? I could have tried to help you. I could have… I don't know… I could have done _something_."

"I know. I'm sorry, Matt. I really am. But you really helped me out by just being there. Honestly. I couldn't have asked for a better friend."

There was silence on the phone for a few lingering moments as Summer waited for Matt's reply, waiting for some kind of insight as to how to win Seth back in these circumstances.

"Everything will work out, Summer."

Summer stood shocked for a moment, gasping at Matt's "insight." "That's all you got for me? That everything will work out?"

"I'll talk to you later," Matt barely spoke above a whisper.

Summer grew angry. "No. That's not all you're going to tell me. You're going to tell me what you're really thinking. That's what you're going to tell me."

"You don't want to know what I really think. You only want to hear what you want to hear."

"What do _you_ really think?" Summer asked him sternly.

More silence ensued before Matt took a deep breath, answering Summer's question. "That Seth thinks he made a mistake by sleeping with you."

Summer let that resonate in the silence, before Matt tried to comfort her, "Summer…" Summer hung up the phone, standing in the middle of the hallway in astonishment.

Was that really what this all meant? That it was all a mistake in Seth's eyes? Of course Summer had had a fleeting thought that that could be running through his mind, but Summer didn't think that that was really the answer. That that was the real reason Seth had bolted out of the apartment and left that meager note early this morning.

But maybe Summer just didn't want it to be the answer, just like Matt said. Maybe she was just searching for something she wanted to hear. Maybe that's why she had called Matt in the first place.

Suddenly, the door's lock clicked and Summer swirled around hoping to see the one person she most wanted to see. Sure enough, a drained looking Seth slinked into the apartment shutting the door behind himself before glancing over to Summer, noticing her worried and anxious eyes.

"Seth…" Summer whispered, afraid to move. Afraid to know what Seth was going to do or say. Afraid to find out that Matt was right.

Seth took some deep breaths and a loud sigh as he threw the keys on the kitchen counter and stood a few feet in front of Summer. "Summer, we need to talk."


	21. The Undeniable

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

**A/N: And because I am so completely awesome – enjoy. :)**

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"Summer, we need to talk," Seth breathed, taking a few heaves with his shoulders.

"Okay. Yeah, that's fine. I'm just glad you're back. I was getting worried," Summer walked over to the coffee table, averting Seth's gaze, and absentmindedly tried to tidy the already straightened out magazines on it. "Did you get my voicemail?"

"Yeah…," Seth tried to follow Summer but she kept bouncing from one area of the living room to the next in avoidance, "But I'm only here because I have to pack up and move my stuff out."

Summer immediately stopped her fidgeting and shot up straight. "You found an apartment already? You've only started searching today! What? Did you make an offer on the first shack you found?" Seth attempted to speak but Summer inched towards him, grabbing his hands in hers. "Seth, you don't have to leave. I don't _want_ you to leave."

Seth pulled away. "No, I got a job."

"What?" Summer stood back, looking at Seth in disbelief.

"I got a job offer. In Providence," Seth began losing his cool, and looked away from Summer.

Summer placed her hands on her hips. "Where?"

"In Providence."

"Yeah, I got that," Summer flung one hand aimlessly in the air. "I meant at what firm."

"Umm… I can't remember the name of it… but I have to move back there immediately." Seth made eye contact and then made his way towards the kitchen in nervousness.

"You can't remember the name of the law firm you supposedly got this sudden job offer from?" Summer followed him.

"It's not sudden."

"Oh, really?" Summer's voice grew angry.

Seth stood behind the kitchen counter, giving himself ample space between his body and Summer's – just in case she decided to lunge at him suddenly. "What's with all the questions? I'm supposed to be moving out of here anyways. I should have moved out two weeks ago but I wasn't sure about the job yet."

Summer slammed her hands on the kitchen counter before turning around. "You are full of such bullshit, Seth."

"What?"

"You know, you suck at lying now," Summer turned back around towards Seth, pointing at him furiously. "You had me fooled back in high school but now I can see through all of your stupid, half-assed lies. I know you, Seth. And I know you don't have a job lined up in Providence. So why don't we make this conversation a half hour shorter and you just tell me the real reason you seem to think you have to leave."

Seth didn't want to anger Summer any longer – and she was right, he really did suck at lying to her now – so he decided to just get it all out in the open and tell her the truth.

And hope that she wouldn't kill him in the explanation process.

"Summer, I can't be your burden anymore."

Summer seemed to soften at these words and made her way back over to Seth. "That's why you think you need to leave? Seth, you're not a burden. You're not at all. I _love_ having you here."

"I'm holding you back from your life," Seth spoke softly.

"What?" Summer bellowed, placing her arm on Seth's. "No! How?!"

"You need to start moving on. And you can't do it with me here." Seth walked away from Summer, making his way into the bedroom to begin packing his things.

"Excuse me? Move on? Seth, you made love to me last night!"

"I know," Seth looked back up into Summer's eyes. "We shouldn't have done that."

"Oh, so I'm just some one-night stand to you now?" Summer's fury seemed to be coming back at a rapid pace and Seth gave her a sympathetic look, shaking his head.

"You know that's not it, Summer. We just had a moment of weakness. But now our minds are clearer – at least mine is – and we have to move on. I'm not sick anymore so I don't have to have you taking care of me so I'm going to move my stuff out and stay with Nick again until I find a place."

"God, Seth! Are you insane? What don't you understand? I don't want to move on!" Summer's voice began to crack, wishing for the billionth time that she could go back in time and make everything right once again.

"But you have to."

"Why?"

"Because we hurt each other."

Summer sniffled and shuffled to the bedroom door, closing it and leaning against it before speaking again. "I don't care. I can't live without you. It hurts so much more when you're gone."

Seth smiled delicately and sighed. "That doesn't even make sense, Summer."

"Yes, it does," Summer pushed her body off of the door and walked over to Seth, placing each of her hands on his arms. "I'm not happy when you're not in my life. I know that may sound like I'm this dependable, obsessive girlfriend, but it's true. Everything that happens in my life I want to be able to run to you and tell you, but for the past six months I haven't been able to and it hurts. Some days I feel like you died and I even used to try and imagine that that was the case because it just seemed easier to think you were dead rather than you were out there, somewhere, wandering around, but not talking to me."

Seth grabbed a hold of each of Summer's hands, squeezing them in his. "We can still be friends. I want to be your friend."

"That is such bullshit, Seth!" Summer yelled through her cries, pulling away from him again. "You know exactly what I'm talking about! You feel it too! I know you do! Cause you can't just be in love with someone for twelve years of your life and decide to shut your feelings off!"

"That doesn't matter, Summer. We need to just end this. Our relationship isn't healthy. I don't think it ever was." Seth turned back to packing his things away.

"Listen to me," Summer pulled Seth's arm to grab his attention and make eye contact, "You can't leave me. I've realized that I don't care how healthy or unhealthy our relationship is. I don't care how backwards or forwards, right or wrong, planned or unplanned anything happens anymore. I took everything for granted when we were together and I had this perfect vision of how I thought everything was supposed to go. I know now that that doesn't have to be true. As long as everything I eventually want happens with you I shouldn't care when it happens or how it happens. I tried for six months to get over you and I couldn't. And then, somehow, you ended up coming back into my life even when everything seemed completely over. It always seems to happen like that for us. We're perfect for each other – in that ridiculously unhealthy, backwards, unplanned way. That's why you can't leave me. That's why you're not moving out. That's why you _love_ me."

"Summer…" Seth tried to walk away towards the door but Summer flew her body in front of the door, blocking his way.

"Cohen, I love you. Stop being a dick."

"A dick?" Seth laughed. "You love me but I'm a dick?"

"Yes."

"That's so fucked up. That's nonsensical and absurd… and… and…" Seth paced around the room in distracted thought.

Summer was right. It finally clicked. It didn't matter how idiotic and unhealthy their relationship was because it was _real_. He would never be happier with another woman than he was just thinking about Summer. It didn't matter what Nick thought – or any other person for that matter – because no one would know how it felt to be in this relationship besides him and Summer. And to be in a relationship with her? It was the most fantastic thing in the world he had ever experienced. Of course it had its up's and down's – every great relationship does, Seth noted – but he just couldn't imagine not having her in his life. And he _definitely _couldn't bear to imagine her being in love with some other guy that wasn't him and spending her life with that person. He couldn't. He may have wanted to but deep down he knew he would never actually be able to handle it. Summer was just it. She was _it_. She had always been everything and more for him. And for him to deny that was just… well… it just all seemed really petty right about now.

"And…?"

"And… stupid," Seth seemed to snap back into reality and began making his way towards Summer in urgency. "Really stupid."

"Stu -" Summer tried to reply but Seth leaped forward, grabbing her arms and began kissing her passionately. Summer was completely shocked at first, just letting Seth take over, but within seconds her brain caught up to her lips and she began furiously kissing him back and wrapping her arms around his body.

"This is still stupid," Seth pulled millimeters away, breathing heavily with swollen lips. "Really, really, very ridiculously stupid."

Summer barely smiled before she reached for his shirt's collar, bringing his lips back down to reach hers.

Deep down, Summer knew this was going to work between them. Seth was never one to lead a person on – especially her – and she knew Seth must have been harboring these same loving feelings for her as well for him to have made love to her last night and to be kissing her in that moment. Seth was never a casual guy. Seth was always sure of what he wanted.

But she still had to ask.

"Seth?"

"Yes?" Seth placed his forehead against hers, trying to catch his breath.

"Does this mean you're not going to move out?"

Seth paused for a moment, smirking. "I thought you weren't going to let me?"

"I'm not, but I was just making sure I didn't have to fight you on it," Summer smiled back.

Seth lifted his hands bringing them up to cup Summer's face. "No rage blackout needed."

This time it was Seth to resume the kissing but after only a few moments he pulled back once again looking Summer intently. "I do still love you, Summer. I really, _really_ do."

A grin played upon Summer's lips as her heart skipped a beat or two. "I told you so."

Neither Seth nor Summer were sure of how they had made it back into the living room and onto the couch because they were so wrapped up in each other and trying make up for lost time when Summer heard a faint knock on the door. She tried to ignore it at first but then she heard it seemingly get louder and Seth must have heard it as well because he tore his lips from their spot nuzzled in Summer's neck.

Before either could utter a syllable, the door swung open and Nick stood there dumbfounded at the sight he saw before him.

"Wha…" Nick tried to find his words as Seth peeled his body off of Summer's on the couch. "What the hell is going on here, man?"

"I love Summer," Seth shrugged his shoulders, still trying to catch his breath.

"Well, three hours ago you didn't!" Nick bellowed, wailing his arms in the air.

"It's been three hours already…?" Seth scratched his head before turning to Summer motioning between their bodies and then towards the couch. "How long were we doing that?"

Summer stood speechless with her mouth agape, shrugging her shoulders and shaking her head.

"Three hours ago you said you two weren't healthy for each other and that you hurt each other! That you needed to leave and move on because you two weren't right for each other! _Three hours ago_ you were being rational!" Nick yelled at Seth and then walked up to Summer, yelling at her as well. "What the hell did you do to him? Brainwash him? He doesn't love you anymore! Can't you just accept that and leave him the fuck alone?!"

Summer's eyes began to water as Seth took charge of the situation and stood between Summer and his best friend. "Stop it, Nick. Summer didn't brainwash me. She just made me realize that we belong together. We really do and I'm sorry you had to drive all the way over here but there's nothing to fix now. I've finally come to my senses and realized this is it. This is what I want. I want Summer. Now and tomorrow and the next day and forever. That's it. I think that's all I've ever wanted but I was too stubborn to admit it," Seth told Nick and then turned around to wipe away Summer's tears with his thumbs. "Summer, I'm in love with you. And I'm sorry it took so long for me to realize it but I need you in my life. And I never want to lose you again." Summer smiled weakly, nodding in reply.

"You're fucking crazy!" Nick threw his hands to his head. "You're ruining your life you know! And you," Nick pointed to Summer, "Are helping him ruin his life! If you loved him you'd realize no relationship is worth the pain you put him through. _If you loved him_ you'd let him go back to Providence and live his life away from you."

Summer had been silent since Nick had arrived. She had been shocked and then had just been taking the scene in, not really realizing she was going through it herself, instead feeling like she was having an out-of-body experience. But now? Now she had had enough. She was done letting Nick insult her and insult her and Seth's relationship.

"I'm not ruining his life, Nick," Summer told him.

"Oh, really?" Nick replied sarcastically. "Well, then, enlighten me as to what is exactly happening here."

Summer took a deep breath, giving Nick an icy glare. "_You're_ ruining _our_ lives."

"Summer…" Seth laid a hand gently on Summer's wrist.

"No, Seth, I'm serious," Summer told Seth before whipping her head back around to give Nick a piece of her mind. "Why do you insist on hurting me? On hurting us? Don't you want to see your best friend happy? Whether or not you like the person who's making him happy?"

Nick laughed ironically, not believing his ears. "Are you mentally unstable?"

"What?" Both Summer and Seth replied angrily.

"I've known you both for about two years now and all that time everything has always been about you, Summer," Nick thrust his pointer finger towards her. "It's like the Goddamn universe has to revolve around you or all is not right with the world! And you just string my best friend along and frankly, I'm sick and tired of seeing him be hurt by you and then go back to you and repeat the same fucking cycle over and over again! I know you were like some 'goddess,'" Nick used air-quotes with his fingers to emphasize the word, "in high school but this is the real world! This isn't even college anymore! People aren't just going to fall at your feet because you're some pretty spoiled princess," Nick ended snidely.

"Hey," Seth glared at Nick, pushing him back by the shoulders slightly. "Don't say those things to her."

"Seth, I can stand up for myself," Summer spoke to Seth, but kept her dark eyes glowering at Nick. She walked closer to Nick, pushing herself up into his face. "You don't know anything about me."

"I know enough," Nick spit back.

"You never even tried to get to know me. You had your mind all made up the day I first met you when you were all watching that stupid _Spiderman_ movie back at our apartment in Providence."

"It was actually_Batman_," Nick replied calmly, keeping his glare focused on her.

Summer grunted. "Like I fucking care."

Nick moved away, towards the door. "Maybe you should seeing as that your _boyfriend's_ favorite comic. But I guess you're just too wrapped up in your own little world to know anything about anyone."

"What the hell does that mean?" Summer was on the brink of a rage blackout and Seth could tell, bringing himself closer to Summer and letting his hands hold her back – just in case she were to lash out on Nick.

"It means that no matter how hard I try, Seth will never listen to me. No matter how many times I have covered for him or helped planned parties for him or blew off some hott one-night stand just so he could have someone to go to the comic store with him to make him less miserable because of something you inevitably did to make him upset, I will always be that guy that tried to keep him apart from 'the love of his life,'" Nick used air-quotes once again, before bringing his hand down to the doorknob, opening the door. "I will always be seen as the bad guy when all I was trying to do was be the best friend. I will always be that guy that's kicked to the curb because I tried to save him from this train wreck of a relationship." Nick laughed sardonically to himself once again before regaining his composure and looking back up to both of their stunned faces, "You know what? You both fucking deserve each other. You," Nick pointed to Summer, "don't care about anyone but yourself and insist on getting what you want, which just happens to be him," Nick then pointed to Seth, "and you only care about her and sacrifice your entire life to make her happy. So I guess that makes you two the perfect pair and me the idiotic best friend who listened to you and gave you advice, even when you never intended on using it." Nick turned his back away from Seth and Summer, making his way out the door, before turning around once more, leaving them with one last snide remark, "I'm not ruining your lives. You both are ruining each other's lives. And honestly, I don't give a shit anymore."

Nick turned back around, walking out the door and slamming it shut, making objects inside the apartment tremble in his wake.

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**A/N: Only a few more chapters left. 3 to be precise.**

**Tell me what you thought!!!**

**(And to the person who mentioned that Nick might be gay – hahahahaha, I had actually thought at one point about going down that route but then I figured it might be really awkward and yeah… he's not gay. But I hope after this chapter it makes sense why he didn't like Summer.)**


	22. The New Asshole

**Disclaimer: Still a negative.**

**A/N: Only two more chapters after this!!! And the next two are epilogues of sorts… well, kind of like epilogues for the entire trilogy seeing as I won't be writing another story based off of this storyline. So I guess this the end! I apologize if it's not what people expected for an ending or if people wish I had written something more but due to the craziness that is my life, this is the best I could come up with.**

**And with that –**

**Read, enjoy!, and review!!!**

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Nick stormed out of the apartment building infuriated, muttering to himself. "Who the hell does she think she is? God's greatest gift to the world? She can't just go fucking around with Seth like that! And what the hell is Seth doing? He knows she's not good for him and yet keeps acting like a Goddamn idiot! Move on already!" Nick fidgeted in his place outside on the streets of Brooklyn, anger and frustration growing inside of him. He made a sharp turn to his right, darting down another street away from the apartment building. He shoved his hands deep into the depths of his pockets, feeling his cell phone.

Nick thought about his actions and his words for a moment before ripping the small metal device from its place and flipping it open to find Ryan Atwood's number.

If he couldn't talk some sense into Seth, maybe his brother could.

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Summer stood still, staring at the slammed door, as did Seth. Both were completely floored by Nick's accusations and were at a loss of words. Just as Summer began to find her voice again and turn towards Seth, a knock came to the door. Seth ignored Summer's advances and bounded forward, opening the door hoping to find a calm and sorry Nick. Instead an angry Kyle stood in the doorway and pushed his way into the apartment by shoving Seth to the side.

"What the hell is going on here?" Kyle looked around angrily, before turning toward Summer and rushing to her side. "Did he hurt you?" He didn't even wait for her answer, just saw her jaw drop in hesitation and her eyes begin to tear up as a result of all of the commotion, before he hurdled himself at Seth, screaming at him. "You fucking bastard!"

"Kyle!" Summer screamed but it was too late. Kyle had already plunged his fist into Seth's face. Seth fell to the ground, holding his face in agony.

"Cohen!" Summer raced to Seth, but Kyle stopped her, holding a tight grip on her upper arm. "What are you doing?!"

"He doesn't deserve you! He's a bastard and you shouldn't put up with anyone who tries to hurt you."

"Seth didn't do anything to me! He was defending me!"

Kyle let go of her arm. "What?"

"His best friend in Providence came here and started accusing me of ruining his life and Seth stood up for me. That's all the yelling you heard. It wasn't Seth yelling at me, it was someone else. Seth was just trying to help."

Seth by now had gotten over the initial sting of the punch and stood up, still holding his left side of his face. "I think I'm gonna go try looking for Nick."

Seth trudged over to the door, but Summer took her focus off of Kyle and raced over to Seth. "No, let's put some ice on that. You need to give him some time to cool down anyways."

"Summer, I'm fine. The sooner this whole mess we've gotten ourselves into gets cleared up, the better." Seth leaned down and gave Summer a kiss on the forehead, whispering. "Don't worry. I love you."

"I love you too," Summer whispered back.

Seth straightened himself out and looked over to Kyle. "Nice sucker punch by the way. Maybe sometime you can teach me how to do that."

"I… ah…" Kyle stammered.

"I'll see you later," Seth motioned to Summer, not waiting for a response from Kyle, and made his way out the door.

As soon as the door closed, Summer turned swiftly on her heel, glaring at Kyle. "What gave you the right to do that? You can't just come down here and jump to conclusions!"

"I'm sorry…" Kyle bowed his head. "I thought you were in trouble."

Summer crossed her arms. "Well, I wasn't. And now my boyfriend has a brand new shiner about to come in."

"Boyfriend?" Kyle looked up.

"Yes," Summer made eye contact with him. "We're back together now. And his best friend didn't like that. So that's what all the arguing was about."

"You really love him, don't you?" Kyle blinked sadly at Summer.

"Kyle, don't do this…"

"No, it's okay. I guess you can't argue with that," Kyle made his way towards the door. "Bye Summer. Good luck. And tell Seth I'm sorry."

Summer sighed, watching the door close. "Bye Kyle."

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"Hello?" Ryan questioned into the phone, answering a number he wasn't familiar with.

"Ryan. Hey. It's Nick, Seth's friend from Providence."

"Oh, hey. What's going on?"

"Seth is being a tool."

"What?" Ryan laughed.

Nick ignored his laugh and went right into his rant. "He keeps on telling me how he never wants to get back together with Summer and how he doesn't love her like that but then he calls me up earlier today saying that he slept with her -"

"He slept with her?!"

"- last night and that he thinks he made a mistake so I tell him I'm going to come get him. When I finally get to this hellhole of a town, he's lying on top of her in her apartment with his mouth attached to her face!"

"Wait… hold on… so Seth slept with Summer?"

"Yes! It's the most idiotic thing the guy could do and he did it! And Summer's just playing all innocent in this whole mess, pretending like she's not ruining his life."

"She's not ruining his life, Nick."

"Of course she is! She keeps on fucking with him and won't give him one Goddamn chance to move on! She's always hurting him and he deserves much better than her."

"I think it's the other way around," Ryan replied.

"What?! What is with you all? Are you all insane?! Summer refused to have Seth's child! She didn't want to be married to him – after years of dating! I know I'm not the most sensitive guy there is but I know that's a pretty insensitive thing, don't you think?" Nick bellowed.

"Look, yeah, what Summer did wasn't exactly ideal in their relationship but people make mistakes," Ryan reasoned. "Summer was allowed this mistake. No matter how big it was and how much it hurt Seth, it was a long time coming after everything Seth's done to Summer."

"What are you talking about?"

"You only met Seth after two years of college. Seth and Summer had been dating, like, five years before that. And Seth… well… Seth was always groveling at Summer's feet for forgiveness. He was the king of the screw-ups."

"The first time I met Summer she was groveling at Seth's feet for forgiveness. She's always been the fuck-up," Nick grunted. "Not Seth."

"Like I said," Ryan sighed into the phone, "That was after you met him. High school was a whole different scenario."

"What? Did Seth ignore the pretty princess or something?" Nick scoffed.

"No," Ryan groaned, "Like, in high school, once he found out Summer liked him and was willing to give up her popularity to be with him, he chose another girl. And then once that other girl dumped him he chose Summer. And when they had a bad meeting with Summer's dad, Summer wanted to take a breather and that somehow meant to Seth that they broke up and he hooked up with another girl – a hooker actually – in Las Vegas. And Summer found out, but forgave him. And then a few weeks later, I had to leave so Seth thought he had to leave too and he only left a note for Summer saying that he was leaving – which, at the time, was intended for good – and sailed off to Portland for the summer. Then when he came back he worked so hard to break Summer and her new boyfriend up and then when he got Summer back he blew her off consistently in favor of a comic book he was trying to create. Then, during our senior year, he was always lying to Summer about everything – from smoking pot, to skipping his college interview – all while she was trying to make things work. And she never wanted to go to school on the east coast. She wanted to stay in California. But Seth didn't want that so she decided to follow him so that they could stay together. Then he lied, saying he didn't want to be with her anymore and that he didn't love her, all because he didn't get into Brown and she did, and wouldn't let Summer make the decision for herself as to whether she wanted to go to Brown alone or not. After all of this shit, Summer always forgave him. And that's why – although Summer really hurt Seth this past year – I think it's all right. This is just what they do, Nick. They both make mistakes but they always take the other back. It's part of their DNA or in their blood or something."

"Wow," Nick gasped into the phone. "I know I don't really know you _that_ well, but I don't think I've ever heard you say that much."

"Well, over the years I've noticed that their problems are basically my problems so everything's kind of embedded into my brain."

There was a pause as Nick digested everything. "So Seth used to be a huge asshole, huh?"

Ryan laughed. "Oh, yeah."

"And you're saying it's just Summer's turn to be the asshole in the relationship?"

"I didn't say that exactly, but in the terms you're thinking of, yes."

"Right," Nick nodded his head. "Okay. Thanks, Ryan."

"Sure," Ryan replied. "Talk to you later." Nick hung up the phone as Ryan did the same. He then sighed loudly, landing on the couch next to Lana. "How the hell do I always get in the middle of those two?"

"I don't know, baby," Lana replied, leaning onto Ryan's shoulder, "But it sounds like you're gonna be in the middle of their relationship for a while to come."

"Yeah, Seth and Summer back together. Who knew?"

Lana laughed, as did Ryan, as they settled back into the couch to watch some television.

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There was a light knock upon Summer's door and she shot up immediately thinking it was Seth but then quickly realized that Seth always let himself in. Summer hesitantly walked to the door, peering through the peephole to see who it was.

"Nick," Summer approached delicately from behind the door, "Seth's not here. He's out looking for you. Try calling him on his cell."

"I'm here to talk to you," Nick answered.

"I don't think that's such -"

"Please open the door, Summer," Nick sighed. "I need to apologize."

"What?" Summer asked, flabbergasted.

Nick rolled his eyes and groaned, "The door, Summer."

Summer opened the door cautiously, letting Nick in. They stood in awkward silence for a few moments as Summer tried to search his face for answers and Nick shifted his eyes to the ground.

"So, umm…" Nick began, "I talked to Ryan. And I guess I'm sorry."

"Talked to Ryan about what?"

"About you and Seth. In high school."

"What's anything got to do about us in high school?"

Nick snorted, smiling as he lifted his eyes to meet Summer's. "Apparently everything."

"I -" Summer stood there agape.

"He told me how Seth used to screw-up your relationship in high school. And how you always took him back. Seth was the asshole then and you're the asshole now."

"Umm… thanks… I think…?" Summer scrunched up her face, baffled.

"Ryan thinks its good you're the one screwing up now. Like it brings a balance to your relationship with Seth. And I guess I do too."

Summer shrugged her shoulders in reply, "Okay…"

"I just never knew anything about you two before junior year. And now I do. So I'm apologizing. I'm sorry, Summer. I really hope you and Seth can make things work."

"Thanks, Nick," Summer told him honestly.

Nick nodded his head, reaching for the doorknob. "Oh," Nick twisted around, "tell Seth to call me sometime so I can apologize to him too."

"Yeah," Summer nodded, "yeah I will."

And then Nick opened the door, exiting it, but not before giving Summer a small smile.  
Summer stood staring at the door trying to figure everything out for a few minutes. Then she reached for her phone on the kitchen counter, grabbing it and dialing Seth's number.

"Hey."

"Hey," Summer greeted. Summer could hear the noise of cars speeding by in the background. "Nick just dropped by."

"What? Are you okay?" Seth panicked.

Summer smiled into the phone, glad that Seth was worried about her. "Yeah, I'm fine. It was actually good. He came to apologize."

"Nick apologized to you?"

"Yeah," Summer laughed, "I was just as surprised as you."

"What made him do that?" Seth asked.

"He talked to Ryan."

"_Ryan_?" Seth repeated. "And somehow _Ryan_ convinced him to leave us alone?"

"And that I wasn't this horrible bitch he had come to love to hate."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"Huh." Seth was then silent for a few short moments. "Since when did Ryan become such a persuasive speaker?"

Summer laughed into the receiver. "I honestly don't know."

"What else did he say?"

"I'll give you a play by play once you get back here, okay?"

Seth scrunched up his face. "Baseball metaphors, Summer? You may not know this, but I still don't like sports."

"It was actually a football reference."

"American or European?"

"Does it matter?"

"Guess not," Seth bantered. "But it's still a sport."

"Whatever," Summer grinned into the receiver. "Just get back here, okay?"

Seth sighed happily, "All right. If you insist."

"Oh, I do," Summer teased.

"I love you, Summer."

"I love you too, Seth."

Seth hung up and Summer followed in suite, gazing at her surroundings in the apartment.

"What a day," Summer told herself, collapsing dumbfoundly onto the couch.


	23. The Life a Year Later

**Disclaimer: (I always feel like this part is so repetitive.) Not mine.**

**A/N: I got the lowest amount of reviews I've ever gotten for this story on the last chapter and that really got me thinking. I wish I could update more often like I used to but because of the whirlwind that is my life right now, I can't. So I think this is gonna be my last multi-chapter fic. I'll probably do a few one-shots here and there but I can't promise anything constant anymore. And clearly people are upset with that concerning the lack of reviews so, to me, this just seems like a smarter move. I apologize.**

**However, on the plus side, I have most of the last chapter written (which is the next chapter) so expect an update within the next few days. I hope you all have enjoyed this story and will look out for me in any one-shots or such in the future.**

**Read, enjoy, and review please. :)**

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"Hey," Summer trudged into her and Seth's apartment in the middle of a muggy August 2011 evening.

"Hey there," Seth smiled up from his spot on the couch. He was sitting cross-legged on their dark blue sofa, with a TV remote in one hand and a pad of paper with a pen in the other.

"Aw, sweetie," Summer cooed, dropping her numerous bags to the floor, "You watching 'Law and Order' reruns again? How many times have I told you that you just can't get realistic tips from a TV show?"

Seth gave her a fake smile and waved her off with his hand that was still clutching the remote, "Yeah, yeah… I was just watching the news and that got boring so I began channel surfing. And I happened to fall on this and I happen to _love_ watching 'Law and Order.'"

"Oh, I know that," Summer made her way over to the refrigerator.

"Just like you obviously love to shop," Seth motioned to the bags that were blocking the doorway.

Summer nodded, taking a gulp from her bottled Evian water. Seth smiled back at her, turning his head back towards the TV. "Well, just a head's up – Taylor's looking for you."

Summer had run-in to her old high school friend, Taylor Townsend, nearly nine months ago when she made a surprise trip down to Newport Beach while Seth and her had been visiting the Cohen's – and her father and Julie, whom had just moved up there two months prior – for the holidays. It was pretty much a last minute thing – totally spontaneous – and although Seth had insisted on going down there with her, Summer told him she needed some time alone. Seth had understood – considering the circumstances Summer's life had just been thrown into – and let her go alone as long as she promised she'd keep her phone on the entire time she'd be gone. Summer promised and she left early one weekday morning, before the sun even had a chance to peek over the horizon.

During Thanksgiving of that year, Dr. Roberts and Julie had made a trip out to New York City to visit Seth and Summer. Summer was happy that her father was finally coming out to the east coast to see how and where she lived and she spent the majority of the days leading up to their arrival badgering Seth on how her father could have possibly gotten Julie Cooper to come to New York during the approaching winter months. Seth had humored her, saying he had no clue, but he had a small idea that maybe it had been about the phone call he made to Dr. Roberts a few weeks earlier asking him through his voicemail if he'd call Seth back so he could ask him an important question…

Regardless, Dr. Roberts and Julie arrived the Tuesday before the holiday and while both Seth and Summer noticed something off with the two of them, Dr. Roberts and Julie denied that there was anything wrong. Seth shrugged it off and tried to help Summer shrug it off to, but by that Friday, Summer had had enough. She insisted on knowing what was going on and told them she had had enough of the lying. Julie began crying and Summer had stood stunned, with Seth's still grip on her arm, watching as Julie collapsed in Dr. Roberts' arms. Summer looked over to her father, her eyes sending the questions her voice couldn't speak and then her father told her.

He had prostate cancer. And they caught it too late. The doctors gave him only a few months to live.

It had been a daze after that for both Seth and Summer. So when Summer insisted on making a trip alone to Newport, Seth had to sit back and let her do what she needed to do. He could only help her through this ordeal so much before she began pushing him away.

On that trip to Newport, Summer encountered Taylor – and Taylor's two-and-a-half year old daughter, Genevieve. (Summer had laughed on the inside when she heard the name of Taylor's daughter – _of course _she would come up with such an obscure French name for her daughter.) Taylor was adamant about going to get some coffee with Summer and since Summer hadn't made any specific plans during her spontaneous decision to drive six hours south, she obliged. Turned out Taylor had gotten pregnant during her sophomore year at the Sorbonne by some French guy named Pierre but had since moved back to California to have her baby and raise her in the States. Summer had questioned Taylor's choice of names for her daughter and Taylor told her that in French the name means "Woman of the People" so of course she wanted her daughter to have such a strong name.

It didn't take long for the two women to get reacquainted. Taylor dished her entire life to Summer that had taken place since they had parted for college, barely stopping to take a breath. And when it was Summer's turn, she just let it all out. Told her everything – from being a college student at Brown, to interning in New York, to getting married and then pregnant, to losing Seth, to winning him back, and finally onto her father's condition. Taylor had listened intently, only not paying attention every so often when Genevieve whined or accidentally fell on the playground gym equipment where Summer and Taylor had brought their coffee talk to, and consoled Summer when she began crying in bouts of hysterical sobs.

Ever since, Taylor had become one of her best friends – yeah, there was still Lana and Summer continued staying involved with her life, especially after she had her baby girl – but there was something about having a girl friend who knew who you were back in high school, and that was something Lana couldn't fulfill. So Taylor was there when her father passed away on January 30th, 2011 and she had been ever since.

"Right," Summer walked towards their bedroom, "When is she _not_ looking for me?"

Summer only got a laugh in response from Seth as she entered the bedroom to change out of her work clothes.

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Seth switched the channel and found one of his old favorite cartoons playing, "Spongebob Squarepants," and immediately set the remote down to watch the interactions of the animated characters. Seth was completely content with his relaxing state until he heard a squeal come from the bedroom.

"Oh my God! Don't even _say_ that! It's bad luck!"

Seth twisted his head towards the direction of his girlfriend's voice and shouted, "What's bad luck?"

Summer poked her head out from inside the room, replying, "I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Taylor."

"Well, then don't squeal and giggle so loud."

Seth heard her scoff at his comment and shut the door, obviously going back to her "private" conversation with Taylor.

Summer had been having a lot of "private conversations" with either Taylor or Lana lately. And he knew it wasn't about just anything because she was always mindful of making sure Seth wasn't in eavesdropping distance. And he had a pretty good idea what she was so desperately trying to keep from him during these conversations.

Summer wanted to get married.

He had known ever since she let it slip back in February during one of her drunk fights with Seth that had turned into more of a rant and then into a crying session as she continued on. She had told him she wanted him to ask her to marry him and that she would say yes. And Seth had definitely been thinking about it; he bought her a ring last November and then had called Dr. Roberts to ask for his blessing. He wanted to do it right this time around. But then Dr. Roberts' cancer announcement came and then he got really sick and soon after passed away and Seth thought it was too soon after her father's death to be asking her to marry him. So despite her drunk self's wishes, he refused to propose until he knew it would be the right time.

During the time when Summer had made a random decision to go down to Newport by herself for a few days and ended up coming in contact with Taylor again, Dr. Roberts had stopped by the Cohen's house to speak with Seth. Seth had been nervous and definitely did not want to have the conversation he knew they were going to have with him in the grave condition that he was in, but Seth still sat and listened as Summer's father spoke to him. Dr. Roberts surprised Seth, saying he had been waiting for Seth to ask for Summer's hand in marriage and was glad he got a chance to still be around to give Seth his blessing. Seth had been floored to say the least and Dr. Roberts had simply patted Seth's back, whispering, "You're the _only one_ I trust to take care of her the way she deserves," before leaving the conversation at that.

It was one of the last things Dr. Roberts and Seth had ever spoken about.

Seth wanted to marry Summer. And he wanted to fulfill Dr. Roberts blessing. But with his death at the end of January, and Seth's original plan to ask Summer to marry him on February 13th – their original anniversary of beginning to date eight years before – Seth decided to wait figuring it was too soon. And then came March, and April, and May, and June, and July, and August and he still hadn't asked. Taylor had once came right out and yelled at Seth for not already asking Summer to marry him back in June and if it weren't for the fact that Summer had only made a quick trip into Bloomingdales to return something, Seth thought for sure Taylor would have beaten him up.

But Seth was gonna ask Summer to marry him soon. Like, within the week. But it had just been Summer's birthday and he didn't want to do it then. He wanted it to be a surprise. And he thought she might like to have another day in August to celebrate each year, besides her birthday so waiting until some days had passed and then choosing a random day to propose to her? Yeah, that sounded like a better plan.

Besides, he still was having a very difficult time trying to come up with some grand romantic gesture to top all previous grand romantic gestures.

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"Do you think he even wants to?" Summer asked quietly into the phone.

Taylor snorted into the phone before replying. "Oh, please, Summer. Eight years? Of course he wants to."

"But he hasn't made any mention of it yet. Maybe he really doesn't want to," Summer sighed.

"Or maybe he thinks you'll freak out like you did last time," Taylor reasoned, half-jokingly.

"Oh my God!" Summer shouted, and then looked over her shoulder to make sure Seth hadn't made a sudden appearance before turning back to the phone. "Do you think that's it?"

"Summer, I was kidding," Taylor laughed. "Calm down. I'm positive he wants to marry you. He wouldn't have gotten back together with you after everything last year if he didn't have the intention of someday marrying you. I just think that maybe you need to take the situation into your own hands."

"My own hands?" Summer repeated.

"Yeah, like, drop hints. Make comments. Stuff of that sort."

"Hints, comments…" Summer thought to herself. "Yeah, I guess I could do that."

"Good," Taylor said. "Oh, I'm sorry Summer, but Gen has just gotten into my paints. I have to go deal with this."

"No problem. Thanks Taylor."

Taylor didn't even say goodbye before Summer heard yelling over the line and then a click indicating the call was done.

Summer sighed, shoving her phone into her back pants pocket, walking out of the bedroom door and towards the noise of TV where the back of Seth's head could be seen from her current view. She focused on her boyfriend's mop of curly dark brown hair that had definitely grown longer in the previous' months time and smiled to herself. And then she finally noticed what was on TV, some random cartoon, and she had to stifle the laughs escaping from her mouth with her hand. Summer walked towards the kitchen counter, without saying a word to Seth, and Seth didn't even seem to notice her presence as his eyes were completely glued to the animations playing out on the screen in front of him. She examined his profile; he still wore polos he used to wear in high school along with his trademark Chuck Taylors. His face still looked as innocent as it had when she had first gotten to know him, only aging with a few random lines due to years passing.

And then something on the TV must have been really funny for Seth and he just began laughing – with his eyes twinkling and his dimples appearing – and Summer couldn't hold anything in any longer. It was like it was suddenly clicking and all she wanted was for Seth to know everything going on in her mind.

Summer placed her hands behind her onto the kitchen counter, leaning her back onto it as if for support as she spoke. "I always knew it was gonna be you."

Seth turned with a smile – still as a result from the hilarity of the cartoon – staring back at Summer. "What?"

"I always knew it was gonna be you," Summer repeated, letting her eyes water up and her emotions take over.

"Hey," Seth noticed Summer's tears, standing up and walking over to her, placing a hand on her arm, rubbing it up and down for comfort, "You okay?"

"I knew," Summer swallowed, forcing herself to look up into his concerned brown eyes. "I mean, I really honestly knew that I could never be with anyone else. Even in high school I knew that you were it. That scared me but I knew it."

"Huh?" Seth stopped rubbing her arm, taking a step back. His facial features showed a look of concern and bewilderment.

Summer shook her head, pausing for a bit, opening and closing her eyes and mouth a few times before glancing back up at him defiantly. "Seth, I want to marry you."

Seth stumbled backwards, letting his mouth drop. "Umm… what?"

"I mean, I want you to marry me," Summer spoke in a rushed tone, as if trying to explain things better.

"Uh…" Seth brought a hand to his head full of curls, scratching it.

Summer walked forward taking both of Seth's hands in hers. "Marry me, Cohen."

Seth chuckled to himself, disbelievingly, "You're serious?"

"I'm not joking," Summer swiftly shook her head, keeping her grip on his hands. "I'm asking you to marry me. I want to be engaged to you and then marry you – for real this time – and have children with you. I promise I won't freak out this time. Seriously, I just want you to marry me."

Seth nodded, as if in understanding and then paused, stating, "You do realize you're a girl."

"What?" Summer scrunched up her face in question.

"You're a girl and you're proposing."

"It's the 21st century, Cohen. It happens all the time."

Seth let go of Summer's hands, pacing around the room. "You couldn't have just waited one more week?"

"For what?" Summer motioned with her hands, exemplifying her question.

"I was gonna propose on your birthday," Seth continued shuffling around the room, "But then I figured you'd get mad because instead of getting two separate special days you'd only have one. And we all know how fussy you get about having your 'special' days."

"Cohen…" Summer cooed sweetly.

Seth ignored Summer's small statement and continued on, almost appearing as if he were speaking to himself. "So then I thought, hey, okay, I'll let her have her birthday and then give it a few more days so all of your festivities that last over the course of a few days were over before I proposed." Seth looked up and stopped pacing, taking a glimpse over at Summer. "And now you beat me to it. You always beat me at everything."

"Then do it now," Summer beamed.

"Propose?" Seth questioned. Summer nodded her head eagerly.

"Okay – let me go get the ring," Seth bolted out of the living room and into the bedroom, grabbing the ring box from its hidden spot underneath the dresser, running back out to Summer. He began shaking his head in laughter as he approached her once again, "We're so unconventional."

Summer nodded her head, adding, "And dysfunctional."

"Yes, that too."

"But I love us."

"Me too," Seth bent down, propping himself up on one knee, opening the ring box and looking up to Summer. "Summer Roberts… marry me?"

"Oh my fucking God!" Summer shrieked, grabbing the ring box out of Seth's hands. "This diamond is huge, Seth! How did you afford this?"

Seth stood up as Summer admired the ring. "A tap into the good 'ole trust fund."

"It's unbelievable!" Summer finally took her eyes off of the ring, looking into Seth's eyes.

"I'm glad you like it." Seth took the ring out of the ring box, taking Summer's left hand in his and slipping the diamond onto her ring finger.

"Me too," Summer watched on as Seth placed the ring in its appropriate spot. As soon as he finished, they linked hands and Summer reached her face up to his to leave a thankful kiss on his lips. She pulled away only a few centimeters, leaving her hands on either side of his face, "By the way – the answer's yes."

"I had an _inkling_ that that was gonna be your answer," Seth replied sarcastically.

"Hey – no sarcastic comments on our engagement day," Summer pointed a finger at him jokingly, then wrapping her arms around him for a tight hug.

"Whatever you say, Summer," Seth mumbled as his head rested on the top of hers. "Yes," Seth kissed the top of her head. "Yes."

"Yeah," Summer smiled into Seth's chest, remembering the first time she heard him utter that phrase to her; memories of her fifteen year-old self flooding back to her in an instant. "I always knew it was gonna be you."

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**A/N: One more chapter!!!**


	24. The Lifetime of Happiness to Come

**Disclaimer: I do not own "The OC"**

**A/N: So I lied apparently when I said this was gonna be up in a few days. But, instead, here's a New Year's present for you all!**

**I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read and review throughout this story. I worked really hard on this one especially and enjoyed writing it – even when it did take me weeks to update in recent months. I hope everyone enjoys the ending of my trilogy!**

**Read, enjoy!!!, and review. :)**

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April 28th, 2012.

Summer never believed this day would have come. Well, yeah, sure back in college she pictured it many, many times but after everything that had happened between her and Seth in the middle of their senior year, she felt like it was just some fantasy she kept wishing to come true. Now it was truly happening. She was honestly standing in her white gown in the middle of the older Cohen's guest bedroom in Berkeley, peering at herself through the floor-length mirror.

She had given Seth the photo album of candids that she – and others – had collected over the past eight years three nights before. Seth was shocked and he started choking up as he tried to thank her. He couldn't seem to form any sentences for his appreciation – something that had shocked Summer – and instead showed his thanks physically. The night had been amazing; more amazing than she could ever remember feeling with Seth. He was so gentle, so attentive, so _passionate_ that Summer felt more loved by him than by anyone else she had ever known combined.

Summer hadn't seen him since that night. Which, after their break-up two years ago, was the longest time she had gone without seeing him. They had both agreed well into the planning of the wedding that it would be so much more special if she was walking down the aisle and he was standing at the alter if they hadn't seen, touched, or spoken to each other in seventy-two hours.

Summer had started to go stir crazy only hours after she and Seth had parted after their last – single and unattached (technically) – night together, trying to call him. Taylor had snatched her phone away and then declared herself Summer's guard dog, making sure she didn't slip up again until the wedding.

Summer had never regretted anything more than agreeing to that seventy-two hour separation.

'Okay,' Summer rationalized in her head, 'Maybe there's a few other things that you regret more,' thinking back to their whole fiasco that was senior year.

But she wasn't going to go into that, she decided as she shook her head of her thoughts. Because this was _her_ day. Her and _Seth's_ day. And eight years was _way_ too long to wait for something as monumental and exciting and thrilling as this. As becoming Seth Cohen's wife. Mrs. Cohen. Mrs. Seth Cohen. Summer Elizabeth Cohen.

Oh _God_, she felt like a five year old in a candy shop.

But she couldn't help it. She was just so damn happy.

And it certainly didn't help that her hormones were running amuck. Her _pregnancy_ hormones. Another reason she had been dying to talk to Seth for the past seventy-two hours.

She had been suspecting it since the end of March. But she had been so engrossed in the last minute details of the wedding that she just chalked up all the symptoms to stress. But by the middle of April, Summer started thinking the 'what if's.

"What if it isn't just stress? What if it's something more? What if I'm _pregnant_?"

She had been on the pill. But Seth never used condoms. And the pill was sometimes proven ineffective. This fact was proven by Taylor, whom had gotten pregnant at the beginning of her sophomore year at the Sorbonne even though she was on the pill.

So Summer ended up buying three pregnancy tests – planning on one being ineffective and two still not feeling effective enough – and took them all during a night when Seth was out with Ryan dealing with last minute honeymoon trip details.

All three came out positive. And Summer cried. But not because she was scared or upset.

But because she was _happy_.

Summer was in the doctor's office for an appointment to confirm the pregnancy two days later.

And that solidified it.

Summer Roberts was pregnant with Seth Cohen's baby. And she was seven weeks along. One month and three weeks exactly. And the baby was due December 1st. Making it a Chrismukkah baby. Just about two years younger than Ryan and Lana's daughter, Tessa.

And Summer couldn't have been more thrilled.

Summer immediately had decided not to tell Seth until after the wedding was over and they were on their honeymoon in Tahiti. (Seth's only choice that Summer hadn't fussed with concerning the wedding.) She decided it would have been less stressful that way – without Seth worrying about her or worrying (as he inevitably would) that she would react the same way she had last time. So she kept it hidden from him – and from virtually everybody else – but itched to tell him every second of everyday. And these urges only increased ten fold when he had made love to her three days prior and she literally had to bite her tongue from letting the joyous news slip.

She knew Seth would be just as excited as she was. She didn't have a second thought in her mind. This was it. And it was right.

Summer searched for her bag that she had brought with her to the Cohen's Berkeley home earlier that day to get ready, knowing she wanted to take a few moments to herself to read a couple pages from her high school diary.

She flipped through the yellow colored pages (the coloring as a result of years passing by) searching for the entries she wanted to read most. Summer had remembered specifically writing about wanting to marry Seth and have children with Seth and grow old with Seth and now, as she stood in her nearly $10,000 wedding gown (Cause who was she kidding? She was a Newpsie at heart but, unlike other Newpsies, she only planned on marrying once) she wanted to relive those unspoken dreams of her seventeen year old self.

As Summer skimmed the pages, she found the entry she had most wanted to read. It was dated February 15th, 2006. More than six years ago. Summer's eyes followed the words that came after the date…

_So I had sex on the beach last night. Yup. Me. And not like that alcoholic drink or anything. The real deal. With Seth. (God, my dad would KILL Seth if he ever saw this!!!) I wasn't planning on it. In fact, I was planning on staying pretty pissed at Seth after all of his stupid Coheny Cohenisms he's been up to lately. All the lying – not going to his Brown interview and smoking pot were the biggest. (And if Sandy or Kirsten ever saw this, now THEY would kill Seth. Ha.) But he was just so adorable when he asked my father if he could speak to me, even though I was standing right there. It was too cute. And then his present… oh, God! It wasn't like anything expensive. Well, unless you count the underwear he gave me earlier in the day (which turned out to be a present for his mother instead… EW! Not from Seth of course. From Sandy. Double EW!!). He wrote on a napkin all the things he had lied about recently and gave it to me saying that I should give it to his parents should he lie to me ever again. And I know – because I know Seth – he will lie again. He'll probably lie until he's blue in the face some other time in the future because it's part of who he is. But he was just so sincere about it last night… it was like he actually believed that he would never lie to me again. That he would forever tell me what he was doing and whom he was doing it with every second of every day. His face looked so innocent I just couldn't help myself. And so happened the sex on the beach. And everyone has their own opinion of it (well, anyone who has ever done the deed on the beach) and I didn't think it was all that bad. I asked Taylor earlier today if she had ever done it on the beach. And surprise, surprise, of COURSE she has. But she said the first two times (!!) it was pretty bad. She said we were lucky we got it right on the first shot. Yeah… that conversation ended there. I would have asked Marissa if she had – besides her time in the Tiki Hut with Ryan at the beginning of the year – if she hadn't been so MIA lately…_

_Anyway, it was awesome. But I don't think it will be happening again anytime soon. It was more like a one time thing. Plus, I think Seth got a rug burn from the blanket so I don't think he's looking for round two anytime soon. He seemed perfectly content with my bed this afternoon as it was…_

_I know this whole entry sounds like I'm some over-sexed, hormone racing teenager but I'm not. Honestly. I love Seth. More than he knows. More than anyone knows. I know I should voice it to him more often but it's hard. I wasn't brought up that way, you know? But regardless, he's the most important person in my life. Way past either of my parents or Marissa. He's the only one who's there for me anytime I need him there. Or even the times I don't know I need him there. He's just it. And yeah, he's been on a pretty fantastic lying streak lately and yeah he's still into those dorky comic books and video games, but it's who he is. And I read in this book once – well, it was more of a self-help book I became strangely obsessed with the summer I turned sixteen while Seth was away – that you know you're really in love with someone when you find their faults more endearing than annoying. And that's EXACTLY how I feel about Seth. He's amazing._

Summer felt some tears slipping down her cheek but she didn't move her hand to brush them away. Instead she kept on reading over the words her teenage self wrote so long ago.

_I want to marry him. Which I know is crazy ridiculous for a seventeen year old girl to be saying nowadays, but I do. And I daydream about it a lot. Marissa will be my maid of honor and Ryan will be Seth's best man. They'll probably already be married because they would have had enough of all the break-ups and make-ups they had in high school and got married in some chapel in Vegas. But Seth and I will have a big church wedding. With everyone we've ever known in attendance. Including Anna – just to show her that I wasn't just some childhood crush to Seth. And Sandy and Kirsten will be proudly looking on as my dad – and my mom (cause she'll come back to get to know me and tearfully regret losing time with me during my teenage years) – look proudly on as well. Then after the reception and after all the alcohol has run dry, we'll jet set on one of Seth's grandfather's private planes to somewhere completely exotic. Where we'll just enjoy being together and talk about our future and make love anywhere and anytime we'll please._

_(Maybe the second happening of the beach sex will occur then. Wink, wink.)_

_And then I can picture us having children together. Not a lot because I heard that ruins the sex life in a marriage and I certainly won't let THAT happen. But a few. Maybe two. A boy and a girl. But the boy definitely first because I want to see Seth with a little mini-me. Can you imagine?? A tiny dark curly haired toddler sporting polo shirts, chino pants, and Chuck Taylors on his feet. Oh my God it would be ADORABLE!!! I want that so bad. Not right now. But in the future. After we both graduate from Brown and get married and move back to California. (Because after four years on the East coast surely Seth will want to come back to warm weather all year round – no matter how much he hates Orange County. Besides, if I follow him to college, it's his turn to follow me after we graduate. And me? On the East coast for the rest of my life? Uh huh. I don't think so! I'm already dreading the snow and cold temperatures as it is…)_

_This is what will happen. I'm sure of it. I guess it probably won't happen exactly like that because obviously things change but me and Seth staying in love, getting married, and having children? Nope. That won't change. I won't let it._

_This is probably cheesiest thing I have ever written in my life. And if Seth saw it… oh, I can't think about that. He'd tease me about it to no end and never let me live it down. And then he'd have the upper hand in our relationship. And I have kind of grown accustomed to him worshipping the ground I walk on so I will guard this thing much more now that I've written this._

_Ow. My hand is really starting to cramp up. I don't know if I've ever written this much… It's 6:30!! I was supposed to be at Seth's house fifteen minutes ago!!! Wonder why he hasn't called… oh crap! He called five times. Damn school forcing me to put my phone on vibrate and making me forget to turn it back onto regular volume when I leave._

_I gotta go. But everything I wrote in here in the past hour? Yeah… let's keep it between us._

_XOXO,_

_Summer_

"Hey, Sum…?" a voice called out to her, causing her to drift her eyes away from the now tear-stained page in her long lost diary.

"Yeah?" Summer croaked back.

"Oh, Summer," Kirsten rushed to her side, letting her arms fall around the beautiful petite girl's body. "Everything's going to be _fine_."

Summer shook her head, smiling as she did so, causing a questionable glance from the older woman. "No, I'm not scared. I'm just happy. _So_ happy." Summer paused for a moment as she watched her soon-to-be mother-in-law's facial features turn into a smile. "I love your son more than anything else in the world. I want you to know that."

A few tears slipped down Kirsten's cheeks, nodding her head in reply. "You didn't have to tell me. Words are pretty meaningless when I see the two of you together."

Summer dropped the book to her side and leaned into Kirsten, letting her arms snake around her body for a tight hug. Kirsten returned the favor, squeezing her gently. The older woman pulled back, staring into Summer's eyes, whispering, "Now we have to stop all of this cheesiness before your make-up is ruined."

Summer laughed, leaning towards the mirror to touch herself up. "You sound just like Seth."

Kirsten shrugged, heading towards the door, "It's the Cohen way. Better get used to it."

"I can't wait," Summer replied honestly, turning towards Kirsten and making her way out the door towards the foyer where Taylor's four-year old daughter, Genevieve, stood in all her blonde ringlets and tiny white dress, holding a basket of flowers, and Lana and Taylor stood beautifully in their maroon bridesmaid dresses. Kirsten lined up with them, as all four of the most important women in Summer's life – or girl in Genevieve's case – looked on at her with loving smiles.

Genevieve tugged at Summer's dress lightly, making Summer's eyes cast down a few feet. "Can I go out now?"

"As soon as the music starts playing, Gen," Summer leaned down.

And as soon as the words left Summer's mouth, the music began to play and Genevieve giddily moved back into place, smiling happily over to Summer. "So I can go now?"

Summer looked over to Kirsten, Taylor, and Lana who were lined up in that order behind Genevieve, ready with their own bouquets in hand. Kirsten handed Summer her bouquet of white lilies – still her all-time favorite – with tears rimming her eyes. Summer looked back down to Genevieve, "Whenever you want to start walking, you can."

Genevieve immediately turned her back to the other four women and went through the door, into the sunlight.

Kirsten moved closer to Summer, giving her a tight squeeze on her arm. "I know we still have a whole ceremony to go through but…," Kirsten trailed, "Welcome to the family, sweetie."

Summer nodded and said her thanks as Kirsten then made her way out the same way Genevieve left.

Taylor then took her turn to approach, leaning in and whispering, "You're telling him tonight, right?"

Summer had let it slip to only Taylor and Lana while on her bachelorette party that she was indeed pregnant and wanted to keep it quiet until the wedding was over so they both needed to help her avoid any alcohol that would inevitably come her way. She also didn't want anyone to become suspicious so she also insisted that they help cover for her. Because if that many people knew, it would definitely get back to Seth. And Seth probably wouldn't be happy that he was one of the last people to know that he was going to become a father in a few months. So telling Taylor and Lana was certainly required.

Summer laughed, pushing Taylor towards the door. "Oh, just go already!"

Taylor obliged the bride's wishes and also left out into the sunlight, but not without leaving Summer with a wink and smirk as she disappeared.

It was then only Lana and Summer left in the Cohen's Berkeley house. Her best friend for nearly the past five years. No longer her substitute Marissa but now the best girl friend she had ever had. Her maid-of-honor. Summer's eyes grew wet as Lana approached her, grasping onto her arms as Lana did the same to Summer's.

"You're seriously getting married to Seth," Lana broke the silence.

Summer laughed, moving a hand away from Lana's arm to move up to her eyes in order to shoo away the tears that were threatening to fall. "Yeah, I guess I am."

Both women smiled at each other for a few more moments before Lana whispered – even though she didn't have to seeing as there was no one else left in the small hallway beside themselves, "I'm _so_ happy for you."

Summer nodded at Lana's sincere statement, clasping back onto her best friend's arms.

Lana continued, "And I know your dad would want to be here with you right now. He would have been so proud of you." Lana paused for a moment, then adding, "So would have Marissa."

Lana never knew Marissa. And even though in the beginning of Lana and Ryan's courtship she grew envious of the deceased girl, she always remained mature about it. Opting to let her closest friends reminisce of the times when she wasn't there and when Marissa was, without complaining or saying a word. Lana knew Marissa was missed on this important day and she knew that even though she was now Summer's best friend, a small piece of Summer's heart wished her childhood friend could be standing there with her. There was nothing envious about that; Lana understood. It was just a simple fact.

"Oh my God," Summer hugged Lana tightly. "Are you trying to make me cry?"

Lana laughed into her best friend's shoulders, peeling back. "I should probably get going. People will start to wonder if I'm trying to convince you that you haven't made a mistake by choosing to marry Seth."

Summer laughed, nodding her head, "Yeah, _people_ might think that. But Seth won't."

"Right," Lana agreed, "He'll think you're just crying about how happy you're gonna be with him or something."

"Which I am."

"Yes you are."

"I need to stop."

"Yes you do."

Summer smiled, "He knows everything."

Lana's eyes rolled. "Well, not _everything_. Just everything about you."

"Yeah… Which is why I'm marrying him."

"Ah ha!" Lana laughed as she approached the exit. "So now the truth comes out!"

Summer shooed her best friend away, "Go! I want to get married some time today!"

"You waited eight years. What's a few more minutes?" Lana cheekily replied, making her way out the door. "See you later, Roberts."

"That's the last time you get to call me that," Summer told her.

"I know. Which is why I said it," Lana leaned back into the doorway. "See you out there."

Summer smiled, watching Lana leave and it took a few more moments for Summer to sum up the courage to walk towards the door. She looked out – it was a beautiful, sunny, and warm day in Berkeley. There were no clouds in sight and there was no wind to mess up her hair. It was like there were people up there – past the skies and into the Heavens – that wanted this day to be perfect for her. And Summer knew who those people were – just as Lana had spoken their names a few minutes earlier.

Summer glanced over into the hallway mirror, checking her appearance one last time before peering down to her stomach. "Ready to go see daddy?" Summer cooed to her belly. She laughed at her antics, gathering the bouquet in both of her hands steadily as she walked out into the beautiful backyard of the Cohens' Berkeley home.

And as soon as she saw Seth's shoulders rise and fall – probably the cause of a breath he was holding in in anticipation – and his beaming face, she knew everything was going to be all right with them. And their baby.

And Summer just couldn't wait to share everything – her thoughts, her big news, their future, their _life_ – with him.

For real this time.


End file.
